Four years old
Standing on the cliff edge
Jumping off
Wanting to fly
And to fly forever and a day
To begin this life of mine
Eight years old
Standing on the cliff edge
Still Jumping
Still learning to fly
Fly far away from this wretched world
And begin a new life for me
Twelve years old
Waiting on the cliff edge
Knowing I'll fall
And wondering who'll catch me
Please say that someone will catch me
Catch me and save me from that deadly fall
Fourteen now
Standing on the cliff edge
Jumping off
Wanting to fall
To fall and bring it to a crashing end
To end this nightmare of a life of mine
So tell me now
Before I jump
Isn't it strange
How perspectives change?
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140,227 Literary Works • 673,048 Reviews
I like how in the beginning, it's like (you?) can't wait to live; but in the end, you want to die, but you're secretly hoping someone will catch you and save you, so you will live. I love it.
I liked it. But here:
And wondering who'll catch me
Please say that someone will catch me
Catch me and save me from that deadly fall
I felt there were too many catch me's, and that the third one wasn't really needed-too much repetition. I really liked the last stanza, and that it rhymed at the end, though I think it would be even better if you broke up the last line, and maybe put the first two lines together, like:
So tell me now before I jump
Isn't it strange
how perspectives change?
Just a suggestion, of course. Otherwise, great work.
Good concept. It's solid and understandable. But think...how often has the whole jumping off a cliff metaphor been used? I think you've put a new twist on it though, following different ages and perspectives.
The problem was, you TOLD us what it was about. The last line really gave away what little mystery there was to the poem. It's far more effective when you SHOW the reader what you mean.
Good concept, just work on the delivery.
I liked this a whole lot. Very well written. That's all I really have to say. :thumb: