its funny how sometimes even flaws seem pretty
-a strange kind of beautiful,
crippled
yet
bright
broken
yet
unique
standing out boldly against the perfection.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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"its" > it's
I like how short and sweet this is. Very to the point.
I agree with PrincessInk in that I feel the second line adds nothing to the poem for me and that the staggered lines would do well to have oxymorons.
I think the first line could be stronger. I like the use of spacing you have here.
Hi there DivergentDemigod! Niteowl here to leave a review.
This poem has a cool premise, discussing how so-called flaws can still be beautiful. It uses some funky spacing to emphasize that, which I think works well in the context of the poem. However, I find that it feels more like the introduction to an essay than a complete work in and of itself. I find myself wanting examples, wanting to see these flaws that the speaker considers so beautiful. I can understand the desire to have something short and concise, but even a line or two of imagery would make this feel more complete to me.
Personally, I would have a dash at the end of the first line, not this weird hyphen at the start of the second.
Overall, this has an interesting message, but I would like to see an actual example or two to get the message across. Keep writing!
Hi DivergentDemigod, let me just jump into the review
I like the meaning of your poem: that flaws aren't always bad. I also felt that the length of the poem was just right--not too short that your theme wouldn't be executed well, not too long that it becomes cluttered.
1) The first thing I noticed was that "crippled" and "bright", "broken" yet "unique" don't exactly fit. I think it would be better if you incorporated oxymorons.
2)I felt that sometimes your choice of words was weak, like "pretty". And the second line was kind of unnecessary to the flow. If you deleted it, the lines could also be symmetrical.
Overall, I enjoyed your poem. It was concise and sweet and I'm looking forward to reading more of your poetry.
Have a great day!
Princess Ink