At night sometimes,
I think of sunsets
The kinds where there is tranquility
and you can hear the wind
whisper the secrets hidden
in the silence of the twilight
and can enjoy the rhythmic beat
-often ignored, but always beautiful-
played by the DJ present in your chest.
I think of the sun dropping
below the horizon
saying goodbye
promising to rise again the next day
then I think of the earth
the sky
& the ocean
turning red,
missing it even before it is gone
and then I think of you
and the slight curve of your lips,
[and how I love to be the reason for it]
the strands of your always messy hair
sticking out in all directions,
and the affection in your eyes
when you say you love me
and I think,
I think I can relate
with why the earth closes upon itself
and why the sky turns red
and why the ocean bleeds -
openly- dripping crimson, in love.
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140,224 Literary Works • 673,047 Reviews
Hi, I'm dropping by for a review for your beautiful poem!
When I started reading your poem, I was kind of wondering where was the romantic element inside. Then I hit the middle and found it. It was strong and lovely but I would have liked to see more hints of it in the beginning, because I assumed it was some kind of an ode to a sunset. Or perhaps you actually meant the sunset to be a metaphor for the lover. I also felt as though the middle wasn't as effective as the other parts.
I love the way you use the color red as a symbol for love. It was sprinkled throughout the poem--but it isn't the main theme either. It's an underlying theme that strengthens the main theme, LOVE, and it was crafted well.
The only other part I would have liked to see was more imagery in the middle. In the beginning and end, the imagery was quite vivid and strong--but perhaps something stronger in the middle, more metaphor, more figurative language. Perhaps this could tie to the fact why the middle isn't too strong.
I really enjoyed reading your poem. I'm not really experienced in poetry, so perhaps my advice in some places can be off, but I hope my feedback helped you!
thanx
Hellow Im Menusha here for a quick and short review.
Basically i like your poem and i think i should say that first. Your imagery are spot on and your twist is awsome. At first i totally had no idea that this was a love poem...i thought its about nature and the sunset but WOW you made such a lovely turn to make it a romantic love poem. Its very sweet that the poem takes such a flow to it.
You have compared your lover to the sunset which is a very rare comparison and as it is so, your really an imaginative person..
So all in all this is an amazing poem.keep it up and good luck!
Thank you
_ Menu_
thanx