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From a distance

by DivergentDemigod


The city lights glimmer,

looking like stars.

Twinkling.

Shining beautifully.

From a distance

Everything looks so pretty.

I think.

As I close my eyes 

and lean back 

on my airplane seat.


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117 Reviews


Points: 11345
Reviews: 117

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Sun Nov 20, 2016 4:37 pm
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Astronomer wrote a review...



Hello there, DivergentDemigod!
This is Moonwatcher here with a review! ^-^

This is a very short and sweet poem, and I couldn't really find much wrong with it because of this. There's emotion present in this, however, it's not a very strong one. Short pieces like this make it very hard for emotion to pass through because most of the time, there isn't very much detail. If you're still going for short and sweet, I wouldn't change this. But if it was meant to be an emotional piece, I'd try to add some more vivid imagery and detail, or other poetic elements.

The city lights glimmer,

looking like stars.

Twinkling.

The comparison with an object like lights, eyes, fire, etc. with stars is constantly used, not very original, and cliche. I suggest trying to use a more creative, original analogy, that way you could present something new to the table.

From a distance

Everything looks so pretty.

This is the main part of the poem, or where you got your title from. I'm not sure if I've ever seen this analogy or not since I can't recall seeing it in a specific poem, but I feel as if it may have already been used before and not very original. "Pretty" is a weak adjective, and I feel that you could use something stronger in a poem.

The ending wraps everything up pretty well, so props to you for doing that. That's all I have to say about this poem. I hope my review helps you out! ^-^




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117 Reviews


Points: 6987
Reviews: 117

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Sun Nov 20, 2016 3:00 pm
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JosephGeorge wrote a review...



Hey DivergentDemigod,

First Impressions: Cute little poem with some upfront value. Not much to review here, so I'll make it simple and short for you.

Positives: The positive side of this poem is that it's just so short and sweet that there's not really anything wrong with it. I wouldn't say that it's going to be posted with Yeats or Emerson, by any means, but it's still worthy of a notable read.

Your use of a basic prose and modern adjectives fit well with the fact that the poem takes place in a modern time. Where else would you be leaning back in an airplane seat?

Negatives: If I were to say one thing about this, it would be that I'm not sure what I'm supposed to get out of this piece? It's highly possible that there isn't anything, in which case it might be good to put a disclaimer, or tag it under "lyrical" so that we can tell.

Besides the above item, there's not much to say is negative about this, as it would be like criticizing a toddler as it walks.

Overall: Not bad. Nice little piece that's a fresh read.

Thanks for sharing.

I give it:

ImageImageImage


Joseph Henry George





Il faut imaginer Sisyphe heureux (One must imagine Sisyphus happy).
— Albert Camus, The Myth of Sisyphus