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12+

Hard Life

by Rosella


I.

I've had no one help me with the life I live.

Best friends? I know none of,

Good friends are only few,

Lost and fake ones are the most popular of all.

.

II.

Single parent, antidepressant pills;

What is a girl like me supposed to think

when her father lays a frown upon his face

day after day?

.

III.

Love so short, here then gone.

Move on is what they say, so it's what I do

but the broken heart inside tells me, “wrong.”

.

IV.

Life keeps going and the roads keeps turning,

but I can't seem to stay in track.

My mind makes u-turns in places it's not supposed to,

which causes me to completely wreck.

.

V.

Day after day my mind becomes a fog--

Who are my friends? Who is gone?

Will he love me forever or turn like the rest?

Am I to fault, or am I just a doormat?

Questions turn in my head and churn inside my rest --

For I not know who I am anymore, but what I am.

.

VI.

Blasting tunes in my ears, hoping for the pain to stop,

but the tears keep falling and falling.

Why? I know not why.

My mind is in the darkest of seas, and I'm drowning inside.

.

VII.

Uncertainty surrounds my being,

and the voices grow louder and clearer.

A conscious is absent, a demon is present--

luring me into the depths of guilt and suffer.

.

VIII.

I'm far too in, and I don't know what to do;

There's signs everywhere,

but I ignore them like an ignorant fool,

and by now I feel almost too doomed.

.

IX.

So will someone help me with this life?

The life I never wished to live?

Will someone take away my doubts and regrets?

Or shall I be left behind in the abyss of depression?--

With nothing to numb the pain,

and nothing to sooth the wounds

from the hard life, I wasn't expecting to exist in.


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117 Reviews


Points: 11345
Reviews: 117

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Fri Nov 04, 2016 11:54 pm
Astronomer wrote a review...



Hello there, DeepRoses!
This is Moonwatcher here with a review! ^-^

I truly apologize that in my last review on one of your poems, you seemed to disagree with my opinions on it. However, those are just my opinions, that you aren't really obligated to listen to if you truly don't feel like doing so. I'm only trying to help you, but hey, I'm human too, and sometimes I can be wrong.

So without further ado, here I am to review another poem of yours.

I feel as if your imagery has definitely improved a little bit. It still has room for improvement, and I still think that if you incorporated this use of it, or even metaphor, you could make your poetry a lot stronger, and the emotions/feelings in your poem would be a lot more powerful. Your descriptions are still somewhat bland, and I feel as if those could be improved with use of those poetic elements. I definitely do see improvement when it comes to what needs to be said, and there's a lot less useless blubber filling up the poem here. I see the rhyme scheme has also been removed, so there is a lot more potential for creativity here.

Your poetry is still somewhat long, and some parts still don't really benefit the poem, and in that case, having them there just to take up space may be unnecessary.

I'm curious as to why you made the poem bold. Is it meant to symbolize something or make something stand out? It isn't really necessary. Why did you choose this, if it's alright to ask?

Ending off with a minor thing:

IX.

So will someone help me with this life?

The life I never wished to live?

Will someone take away my doubts and regrets?

Or shall I be left behind in the abyss of depression?--

With nothing to numb the pain,

and nothing to sooth the wounds

from the hard life, I wasn't expecting to exist in.


Sooth shouldn't be spelled as is, because without the "e" at the end, sooth is a noun. It should be *soothe if you meant it as a noun.

That's all I have to say about this poem. I hope this review helped you out, and have a great day! ^-^




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Points: 1312
Reviews: 38

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Fri Nov 04, 2016 10:37 pm
nishthabawa2896 wrote a review...



hey

I really love the way you express yourself. keep writing always.





Darkness cannot drive out darkness: only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate: only love can do that.
— Martin Luther King Jr.