I've been trying out just sitting down at my keyboard and typing away, just to see what comes out. I'd love some critique, good hard, gooey critique!!
He sits there staring
Chewing on an acorn
Twitching that bushy tail
Swish Swish
Frantically glancing every which side
One step this way, two steps back
His spunky little body, quick and agile
Those eyes that gaze deep into my soul
Nibbling on memories
Pouncing on feelings
Such a tiny creature with a tiny brain
But how does he do it?
Open the nut perfectly?
But when he has his prize
A chunck of nutty flesh
He glances down at me
If only for a moment
Before hurling it down upon my head
Whosh-bam!
All that trouble for a nut unclaimed.
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Fun poem! I love these types of topics.
The good for me (and probably all who read this) is the whimsical nature, the writing of a poem about a single squirrel (your spelling was a bit off there...) opening and utilizing a nut. Each line stands alone well enough.
Now then, some criticism.
While each line *does* stand on its own, they don't flow into each other at all, partially because many of them don't actually flow between lines and partially due to the lack of punctuation. Here you use it a bit, but not all the time - make up your mind one way or the other. The title I like. Also italicize "Whosh-bam!" for internal consistency.
No critique really applicable in terms of formal analysis. ^^;
So, it can be better, but it's already wonderful. =]
Haha, very funny. Did this actually happen to you? Very observant... If you are wondering why I'm not giving you any critique, I'm not one of those people that you come to for critique. I only hate bad grammar. But I love to see people with funny, interesting, good ideas.