NOTE: This ballad completely violates almost all rules of ballad writing but you can't blame me it was written in extreme pain, with a very tired brain and amongst continuous vicious shocks of Sneezes. OH! And trigger warnings.
Hey there! It's Gem climbing out of her jewelrybox for another short reveiw. I really enjoyed reading your poem and wanted to review it.You repeatedly said:"Sometimes a syrup leads you to a song"If this is a song, I think you could go back into the settings and add that it is also lyrical, it can be set as a lyrical poem. I have a few of those myself. I love that repetition either way. It kept the poem fun and cute - if I wrote it I would have not have been as light-hearted. The formatting of the poem was nice. I do not know very many formats on this site.I really like the rhyming scheme! I've always liked good rhymes, and it's incredible that you were able to come up with so many in the poem. Good use of imagery I have a cold currently, but I think it portrays the flu feeling well from experience. The only part of the poem that you need to work on is the grammar, but that is easy. The most common grammar mistake was when you forgot to capitalize "I" a lot. Some of the longer lines break up the flow of the poem. The breaks aren't too bad, but they wouldn't take too long to fix. I loved this poem! Have a nice day and keep writing!And with that Gem climbs back in her Jewelrybox, until next time.
Hey there! Oliver here to review.This was quite a fun little read! I know nothing of ballads, but as a poem, this piece is pretty solid. The rhyming scheme is consistent and the repetition of the middle bit really drove home the feeling of a song.I only have a few nitpicky things:
...cure this flu of such a high a breed
As soon as she saw the snot; my nose's only wealth
Hey there, @Awru! It's been awhile since I reviewed poetry, but I really enjoyed reading your poem and wanted to try my hand at reviewing. Let me know if you have any questions about what I comment!Even though this work is labeled as poetry, it felt almost like I was reading a lyrical piece instead; the repeating parts reminded me of a chorus, and you also repeatedly said:
Sometimes a syrup leads you to a song
People are outside enjoying rain with glee,While I am caged inside the house blowing my nose like a banshee,
People are outside enjoying rain with glee,Yet caged inside the house, I blow my nose like a banshee,
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