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The Plight of a Flu Victim

by Awru


NOTE: This ballad completely violates almost all rules of ballad writing but you can't blame me it was written in extreme pain, with a very tired brain and amongst continuous vicious shocks of Sneezes. OH! And trigger warnings.


Hello! I am a victim of a stubborn flu,

And I am about to tell you what I am going through,

Just keep your distance from me before its too late,

As i spray you with my germy fate,

                                              Sneezes and coughs don't last long

                                              Sometimes a syrup leads you to a song

Guess tea will do me good,

I thought in a cruddy mood,

Holding a steaming cup of tea up to the brim i stood,

Achoo!came the hateful noise and the tea disappeared for good,

                                              Sneezes and coughs don't last long

                                              Sometimes a syrup leads you to a song

Food tastes like seaweed and sometimes knitted wool,

Pizza is on the plate but I am too sick to drool,

It is awful to take all kinds of nasty treats,

To cure this flu of such a high a breed,

                                              Sneezes and coughs don't last long

                                              Sometimes a syrup leads you to a song

A friend came to visit to inquire about my health,

As soon as she saw the snot;my nose's only wealth,

She stood up and ran,

Faster then the overrated Superman,

                                               Sneezes and coughs don't last long

                                               Sometimes a syrup leads you to a song

Where is the tissue paper? I said covering my face,

So no one could see the plighting sight it braced,

Nothing could be done to lower my increasing pain,

"Guess I am stuck with this flu,"I said with raging shame,

                                               Sneezes and coughs don't last long

                                               Sometimes a syrup leads you to a song

People are outside enjoying rain with glee,

While I am caged inside the house blowing my nose like a banshee,

I hear the happy sounds getting quite loud,

While fighting a horde of horrendous war clouds,

                                             Sneezes and coughs don't last long

                                             Sometimes a syrup leads you to a song

I screamed when i saw a face,

With sunken eyes,a swollen nose completely out of shape,

I calmed when I realized the fact,

I was looking in the mirror at my own CRAP,

                                            Sneezes and coughs don't last long

                                            Sometimes a syrup leads you to a song

The roll of tissue papers is gone in one days time,

I stared at the empty box like I had committed a crime,

The dustbin is now full as the saying goes,

With gross things coming right outta my nose,

                                             Sneezes and coughs don't last long

                                             Sometimes a syrup leads you to a song

I thought while blowing my nose for like a hundredth time,

In this state,how can I make words rhyme?

My stomach feels queasy,

And my body aches worse then Old Mr.Cheesy,

                                          Sneezes and coughs don't last long

                                          Sometimes a syrup leads you to a song

I am sad and blue,

And fed up with this flu,

Hope it goes away,

Without thinking of a long long stay,

                                         Sneezes and coughs don't last long

                                          Sometimes a syrup leads you to a song

All my pains can not be written,

On a piece of paper so stricken,

So goodbye all ya people,

Cause I am on my way to grab a tissue paper,




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29 Reviews


Points: 7
Reviews: 29

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Thu Sep 05, 2019 4:14 pm
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MiniGem26 wrote a review...



Hey there! It's Gem climbing out of her jewelrybox for another short reveiw. I really enjoyed reading your poem and wanted to review it.

You repeatedly said:
"Sometimes a syrup leads you to a song"
If this is a song, I think you could go back into the settings and add that it is also lyrical, it can be set as a lyrical poem. I have a few of those myself.
I love that repetition either way. It kept the poem fun and cute - if I wrote it I would have not have been as light-hearted. The formatting of the poem was nice. I do not know very many formats on this site.
I really like the rhyming scheme! I've always liked good rhymes, and it's incredible that you were able to come up with so many in the poem.
Good use of imagery I have a cold currently, but I think it portrays the flu feeling well from experience. The only part of the poem that you need to work on is the grammar, but that is easy. The most common grammar mistake was when you forgot to capitalize "I" a lot.
Some of the longer lines break up the flow of the poem. The breaks aren't too bad, but they wouldn't take too long to fix. I loved this poem!

Have a nice day and keep writing!

And with that Gem climbs back in her Jewelrybox, until next time.




Awru says...


Thank you soo much. I am sorry i never got its notification just found this now. Yeah i wanted to fix the grammar and the longer lines but heck editing is tiresome. XD



MiniGem26 says...


I agree, and you are very welcome. Sorry to nag.



Awru says...


Oh and i didn't thought it would be a song until everybody said that. I thought i randomly sang it in the shower in the tune of Jingle Bell. :p



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124 Reviews


Points: 31
Reviews: 124

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Fri Aug 16, 2019 9:44 pm
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nogutsnoglory wrote a review...



Hey there! Oliver here to review.

This was quite a fun little read! I know nothing of ballads, but as a poem, this piece is pretty solid. The rhyming scheme is consistent and the repetition of the middle bit really drove home the feeling of a song.

I only have a few nitpicky things:

...cure this flu of such a high a breed


Hm, I don't think the bolded 'a' needs to be there? For me it just throws of the rhythm of the stanza.

As soon as she saw the snot; my nose's only wealth


Personally, I would put the bolded bit in parentheses, but that could just be a personal stylistic thing.

Overall this felt very lyrical and light hearted, and it reminded sort of a Fool or Joker's song. The imagery was really well done and the comedic undertone stayed superb throughout.

Great job!

Keep writing,

- LordStar




Awru says...


Thank you so much for the review :D



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509 Reviews


Points: 74
Reviews: 509

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Fri Aug 16, 2019 6:32 pm
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Jaybird wrote a review...



Hey there, @Awru! It's been awhile since I reviewed poetry, but I really enjoyed reading your poem and wanted to try my hand at reviewing. Let me know if you have any questions about what I comment!

Even though this work is labeled as poetry, it felt almost like I was reading a lyrical piece instead; the repeating parts reminded me of a chorus, and you also repeatedly said:

Sometimes a syrup leads you to a song


You might ultimately keep this work as a poem, but I love that repetition either way. It was a unique way to keep the poem fun and lighthearted - it would been very easy for this to be a sorrowful piece about suffering through the flu. The formatting of the poem also helped with the repetition. I'm not sure if it would have flowed as well if the repeating stanzas were right underneath the changing ones.

I'm also really impressed by your rhyming scheme! I've always struggled to come up with good rhymes, and it's incredible that you were able to come up with so many that made sense with the poem. There were countless ones that I loved, but my favorite of them all has to be the one down below.

People are outside enjoying rain with glee,

While I am caged inside the house blowing my nose like a banshee,


It was a great use of imagery - something you excelled at throughout the piece. I would say that the only part of the poem that you need to improve is the grammar, but even that is a simple fix. The most common grammar mistake I saw was when you forgot to capitalize some of the letters (mainly "I") but capitalized other ones. There's nothing wrong with keeping everything lowercase, but it's usually a good idea to keep what you do with capitalization consistent.

Besides that, you might want to try rewriting some of the longer lines so they don't break up the flow of the poem. The breaks weren't too noticeable, but it's something that hopefully wouldn't take too long to fix.

That quote a few paragraphs up is a good example of one of the stanzas you might want to rewrite. The rhyme is good, and the description is, too, but it didn't flow as well as some of the earlier lines. You could change it to something like the quote down below and still keep the same joke you intended to make it in the original version:

People are outside enjoying rain with glee,

Yet caged inside the house, I blow my nose like a banshee,


It's not the perfect fix, but it makes the line shorter.

Overall, I really did love this poem! The humor reminds me of the songs I would listen to as a kid - something silly that makes the listener (or in this case, the reader) feel less uneasy about an otherwise scary/uncomfortable topic.

Thanks for sharing it with me!

P.S. Can I link a post to it on my wall? I got a kick out of it, and I'd love for more people to read it.




Awru says...


Thank you soo very much for the helpful review :D. I will work on the suggestion as soon as i get the time. Aww!! Ofcourse u can.
When i fix it i may ask for help in shortening the verses though.



Jaybird says...


You're welcome! I'd be happy to help as much as I can - I'm not sure how well I can shorten them, but I can try my best. :)



Awru says...


:D




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