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Damned Race

by Awru

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94 Reviews

Points: 1250
Reviews: 94

Sun Jun 28, 2020 10:00 am
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Gravitem wrote a review...

Hey Awru! I haven't reviewed your works before, or have I? I don't believe I have. So, the time has come for me to do so.

Honestly, this is a pretty cool poem. Amongst all the vague metaphors were - not necessarily - hidden messages of just how greedy and selfish our "Damned Race" has become and has pretty much always been.

I would like to comment on the style in which this is written and I'd say you should maybe change the background or lose it, because I felt that the exaggeration it implies, sort of, makes the poem lose the amount of impact it should have.

'We are the Damned Race!' Written in the same exact style again and again makes the whole poem echo in my head and it's both frightening and impactful; I can't say which one it is more. It may just be both

The last poem is what I think is the most meaningful;- and if not meaningful, the most impactful. It is what would convince a person that our tribe is cursed. We were born to sin and that is why we were banished the moment we were born. Of course, that is the meaning I took out of this and don't mind me. I usually have a dark interpretation of all things that are metaphoric.

I liked the poem. 'Like' really isn't the right word, for I find a different kind of attachment to this.

That's pretty much it.

Keep writing!

Yours sincerely,
Myth :D

Awru says...

Thanks for the review! :)

Gravitem says...

Don't mention it ^^

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111 Reviews

Points: 9075
Reviews: 111

Mon Jan 13, 2020 9:23 pm
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tgham99 wrote a review...

Very powerful poem. I enjoyed reading it mainly because you do a good job of capturing the concepts of deliberate ignorance and obliviousness that have plagued society over the years. Aside from a couple of typos/grammar errors (as @Gnomish pointed out), the poem itself is flawless; the only suggest I have is to perhaps break it up by stanza to really emphasize your repetition of the phrase "We are the Damned Race!"

I also thought it was interesting that you chose to capitalize "Damned Race", which was undoubtedly a deliberate decision. I personally interpreted this stylistic choice as a way of highlighting the self-importance that humans have fallen victim to: even after acknowledging the fact that we are truly damned and problematic, we are still desperate to make a claim of importance and righteousness through naming ourselves as *the* Damned Race.

You used a lot of intense vocabulary and imagery ("Future souls screaming in hell" stood out to me a lot) which helped convey your message very strongly. The only small error I see is that you ended the poem with a comma rather than a period after the word "unknown", but if this was an intentional part of your style choice, feel free to disregard.

Very powerful poem that spells out exactly what it means to be part of the Damned Race. Great job :)

Awru says...

Thank you sooo much for the like and review. I am glad I was able to convey my msg :D I actually intended to break the stanza but I cant space it. Once i space it all up and publish the gaps just disappear. Its so annoyingg!

Liberty says...

Sorry I'm intruding, but @Awru, try pressing shift, and then press enter. Hopefully that should help. If doesn't, I mean you could just contact a mod if you're really upset with it. :)

(This is a very powerful poem, by the way. Touched my heart. And everything you said is definitely true! %u2661)

Awru says...

I dont mostly do it on a computer or laptop. I use my tablet. So....

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107 Reviews

Points: 1690
Reviews: 107

Mon Jan 13, 2020 6:32 pm
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Gnomish wrote a review...

I don't really have much to say about this, I like the descriptive words and phrases you used though.

For this line, "Abusers of the hero's," I think you mean hero plural, in which case it's spelled heroes. Another little typo there "Oblivious to the end;the Doom's Day" there's no space after the semicolon.

Anyways, I'm sorry I can't help more, but I really enjoyed reading this!

I don't do time.
— Liberty