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139,535 Literary Works • 672,600 Reviews
Hey! I loved this, and the story it told. It has such a nice journey through a relationship, eventually ending with June, and being cold in the rain. I'm a real sucker for romantic poetry so really adored this. I think my favorite stanza was the one beginning with 'I still remember, So clearly, the first time...'. It was lovely to read and you really managed to capture the excitement and happiness of a first romantic moment. The casual intimacy and romance of sentences like 'Wrapped your jacket around me, You smelled like roses, I couldn't help blushing' really helps the poem be presented as a calm, happy journey through love.
It then moves on to April, and the pure, unfiltered joy of a proposal in a park. This was a lovely stanza to read, especially lines such as 'I was so happy, I could have died'
The dreamy romantic atmosphere then gets destroyed in the last stanze, finally coming full circle with the beginning of the poem, and ending with the character feeling betrayed, and 'Cold in the rain' that used to be such a happy thing for them. This is a great twist, and I love that you began and ended the poem in a very similar vein. I really love this sort of poetry, and am looking forward to seeing if you come up with anything similar. Keep up the good work!
- Vex
Hello Awru, I hope everything's going well for you. I saw this poem and thought maybe I'd try reviewing poetry. I'm not that good because poetry is very mysterious to me. Every time my Language Arts teacher said we were going to learn about poetry, I'd honestly not care. But you didn't ask for my life story, so I'll just sum up that I do like reading poetry, it's just that I'm not so good at solving puzzles.
But luckily, this isn't so hard to understand. The first thing I'd like to say is a compliment. I really like the flowers right beside the text, maybe it represents spring? And obviously, the rain may be representing something else, or maybe it represents rain.
Okay, so the poem is about a girl and a boy, or a woman and a man, falling in love. I get that much, and also how they have many happy memories with the rain. Or in the rain.
They'd continue loving the rain, until the man stopped enjoying it as much because he got more mature in the oncoming years.
So they got married, right? He proposed to her in April, in the rain. So they had god memories with the rain up until like, two months after, when it says the rain betrayed them. Hmm...
I am not sure what that means. Maybe whatever the rain represented stopped being kind to them... maybe the rain represents - life? When the couple enjoyed splashing on puddles, throwing their umbrellas, with no care in the world... maybe that represents the what life has to offer. But then, her husband died? And she blames the world? Maybe?
Sorry if I was explaining this to myself more than actually reviewing. It's just that poetry is very interesting. I should read more. I've been avoiding poetry in YWS because I thought there was not much to say(An obvious misconception when you look at what I've written here).
Overall, this plays very well with the words it has been given to craft this amazing piece where it would've been otherwise a very boring and bland statement. I think that's what I like about poetry.
Anyways, that will be all, and thank you for writing this piece. I hope you can continue writing fantastic poems.
With caution,
WaterSpout
Dear Arwu,
This is a beautiful poem! I love how you go on a complete journey with the narrator, through their love and joy, all the way to the end with their abandonment and grief.
I was wondering why certain words are italicized and some aren't? I don't feel like it adds anything to the story and only makes the reader slightly confused as to why they are there. Also, certain words are capitalized randomly. (Stanza 1 - Adventure, Time, Rain, Varying Patterns, Hibiscus, Lilies, Stanza 2 - First, Roses, Stanza 3 - April, The Birch Trees)
Lastly, in Stanza 1, line 25, you say that "you were contended / just by taking in the fresh fragrant scents". Do you mean contented?
These are just my suggestions, so feel free to do with them as you wish! This is an amazing poem, and you are an amazing writer!
Sincerely,
Ghost_Pianist