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137,562 Literary Works • 672,043 Reviews
Hi Awru!
I am here to review another poem of yours. This piece was filled with romantic feelings and deep emotions which did feel something very personal. The repetition of those bold lines were successful in bringing the reader's attention to the specific idea that your poetry was based on.
That raw feeling of first love is surreal and beyond all worldly desires. Suddenly everything seems so right and a dream come true. We get engrossed in those minute details and experiences and finally, unlucky people like us get hit hard by the reality of life when things don't go the way we expected and our love remains incomplete. But I still believe there's no harm in loving. Amidst all the pains we find at least one reason to smile and that's enough. Coming back to the poem, I felt the flow was smooth and you were successful in bringing a lot of intricate feelings that are accompanied with First Love.
I liked the line with 'cupid' and felt it to be really cute. My favorite line was 'You never get your First Love but you never forget it either,' this hit me hard and I guess this must be a very tough for anyone going through such a phase. This all made me think about my personal life, though to be honest it was childhood love that involved innocence and pure love but lacked maturity and responsibilities and as we grew up things changed. That's where I am being hit by your lines 'destined to be apart'. In my opinion if you are able to capture the feelings and emotions of the reader with your work that means you have achieved your goal as a writer.
The end notes felt very personal so I am not going to comment on it because they felt very pure and straight from the heart.
Just a minor critique, in the first stanza, ''You didn't knocked on the door of my heart.'' Just a small typo but this isn't a very big deal.
Overall I really enjoyed your poetry and the way you described your emotions was amazing. Thanks for sharing.
Great work!
Keep writing
Thank u!! Also I have trying to remove the last lines but I cant seem to edit them out. Oml! I want to die right now. It just wouldn't remove!!
(((
Uh! Thank god! I finally removed it. It wasnt supposed to get posted with it>.<! I srsly just want to die right now
oh okay... Don't worry ^^'
Yeah sorry! I overreacted didn't I?
Hello, Awru! I'm Vilnius, here to review your work.
I think you've done an incredible job of conveying how you and so many people feel during their first crush. You've described not only how you felt, but you've been able to describe how you'll remember him/her/them.
There are a few grammatical errors (I'm one to talk lol), but they can easily be overlooked, because, wow, this poem was really good!
Have a nice [*insert time of day here*], and enjoy your visit to the mountains! Stay safe!
Thank u! =)