P.S= Cuz everbday says that! The capitalization and punctuation is completely a stylistic choice cuz I am not really following a pattern here.
It is a great poem. The background really mixes well with the poem, which is cool. Particularly tthe first stanza was great. The theme is also really deep.
Hello Awru! The first thing I want to mention is the background. It's aesthetically pleasing to look at. And it really blends in with the poem, which is a cool choice. The style is beautiful, and I like how it changes to bring emphasis to certain words. Since the title is a part of the poem, I like that you make it a repetition. It makes your writing stronger. The title is also the first line of the poem, which is very clever. I was rereading it, and I just realized it. I don't see any punctuation or grammatical errors outside of your stylistic choices, but I noticed one tiny, tiny spelling mistake in your third stanza.
If only you could hear/ The Uueven Rythm
Hey! I love this poem! It's really beautifully presented and was really nice to read. I particularly loved the first stanza, 'There is a story written on every eye, A song playing in every heart, There is a tale dancing on the tip of every tongue, A yarn nestling in every wrinkle.' This stanza made me think about all the things the world holds, particularly through the lines 'A song playing in every heart' and 'There is a tale dancing on the tip of every tongue'. I also liked the story you spin throughout the poem, with it gradually becoming less calm, through lines such as 'The screams lost in vacuum' and 'The painful tautness'. I particularly like the ending, 'The last breaths of a living man.' It made me think about how short life really can be, and why we need to enjoy it as much as possible.If I were to make a change, i would only edit small bits of grammar. You really get your point across here, and in a beautiful way. My favorite lines were the ones mentioned in this review. I know I haven't really said much but yeah, I really enjoyed reading this. Keep up the good work! I look forward to seeing what you create
@whatchamacallit Thats why I said its metaphorically complicated Lol. Ok imma tell you my intended meaning. This poem isnt just talking about one individual, its talking about many individuals. Individuals who are sad, lonely and broken. Individuals who seem to be alive but their spirit to live has died. See the first stanza, it refers to the 4 organs and the tales they have to tell in the further stanzas. Basically, if people(again refering to many individuals not one) were more observant and empathetic they can actually spot a person in need of help or sympathy by listening to the tales each part of their body has to tell but people always choose to ignore these signs. The first stanza about eyes; the person isnt crying exactly but if one was to observe they can see the tears rushing inside, their spirit dying and the emptiness reflecting. The second stanza about heart. The heart is singing a melancholic song about pain. The heart is beating fast and is suffocating. It depicts pain. The third stanza; the tongue, tongue refers to words. Words that wanted to be said but couldn't. Words that people could have tried to listen to but didnt. Words that were silenced. The fourth stanza wrinkles meaning skin. The blue colour deepening means bruises. The individual has been abused and hurt. Made to suffer again n again but even time doesn't seem to lessen the pain. Wrinkles in the first place show the unforgiveness of time. The last lines are simply that when all these organs\parts start behaving like that, its clear that the individuals will and spirit has died. People cant hear it dying either. They think if someone appears alive, he is alive but in truth the individual has died. I hope u see the connection now XD
This was really nice to read!
Hi Awru! I really like the visual aspects of this poem - the background, the fonts, the formatting, all the different textures, there's so much to take in! However, having that much going on does mean there's a risk of things feeling too busy or complicated. For this poem, I don't mind the business too much, but if I were to recommend one thing to make it feel less busy it would be un-colouring the font so it's all just black/grey. But that's just an opinion, so if you like as is feel free to leave it that way Font colour aside, I do love a lot of the design choices you've made - having the slightly textured paper, burnt at the edges, and then the smooth white background, creates an interesting contrast and almost a sense of tension. I love the swirling smokey grey - it could be smoke from the burning paper? - and I really love the two red streaks. They're so subtle, but to me it looks like someone has injured or scratched the paper, and made it bleed, and that's just so original and interesting!You're totally right, punctuation and capitalization is up to you as the poet - and in this poem, I think the capitalization adds an interesting emphasis to the words and even creates a sense of rhythm, so I won't give any suggestions about that. For punctuation though, I would personally suggest using some more full-stops/periods, as right now it feels a bit like the thoughts flow into each other. The commas after each "If only you could hear" are also unnecessary and create an unnatural pause in my opinion - but if that's how you want it, that's okay too. There's some really beautiful imagery in this poem! I think my favourite stanza is the fourth one -
If only you could hear,The Words caught in thorny vinesThe Screams lost in vacuumThe excruciating effort for Silence
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