Stella! Do you know what's the best thing….
About Rain?
He asked staring at the gray clouds above
As the raindrops fell around us
I knew what the answer was going to be_
Maybe something Poetic
Describing the beauty of rain
Of how it makes the grass many shades greener
Of how it is rich with life
Of how it sings of new beginnings
Or if he was feeling Romantic
He'd tell of the love
That had existed for centuries
Between the sky and the earth
And how rain was an attempt
A beautiful attempt
By the sky to be united with its beloved
Lord Help!
If his Scientific aspect was dominant
He might start talking about_Petrichor
His favourite smell
Of how it was merely an oil
Produced by certain plants
As a result of some impenetrable events
Or if he was feeling Mischievous
He might even start
OH No!
He might start saying the best thing about rain
Is how it smears a womans makeup
And how I look like a horror icon right now
Thus fulfilling his dream
Of having a paranormal friend
He was like this
__Whimsical__
Always laughing, happy, contended
Making others feel the same
"You tell me,"I asked
"It stops__Eventually," he answered sighing
I looked at him surprised
He was smiling
And for the first time I actually looked at him
Those bright green eyes
Looked so dull and heavy
As if bearing years of sorrows
His forehead was lined with wrinkles
Put their by time
By years and years of Unspoken Feelings
And his smile
It was tired; It was sad
Tears welled up in my eyes
The veil had been lifted!
The facade had been broken!
Time had run its course!
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139,556 Literary Works • 672,608 Reviews
Hey there, Awru! I'm Vilnius, here to review your amazing work.
First off, this was just really good overall. I like how you described the unnamed male in this narrative, he many aspects of his personality, and how he could see the "best" thing about rain in different ways! It was a neat way to do it, in my opinion, and it really added to the poem on the whole.
Secondly, I admire how you have the narrator worry about how this male is going to react. In particular, the lines regarding his mischievous self contribute to the narrator's fears and agonization.
Thirdly, I love that background! In my opinion, it adds to the male's character and furnishes how the narrator sees him.
Have a nice [*insert time of day here*], and good luck with your future works!!!
Thanks for the review!!
Call me Mory.
I'll be trying to review prose and poems, so, I hope this will be useful to you. I'm analytic, so I do things on the long-side. I hope you don't mind.
♠I like that you went for a specific presentation for this poem. Instead of posting text, you went for a file featuring a background, and it seems as though it's part of the feeling the poem is supposed to convey. If you're looking to create a personalized style for yourself, this is certainly one way to do it. I think you deserve praise for the effort.
♠It's when reached "or if he was feeling mischievous" that I truly understood why you did this.
The smiley face in the background expresses just that: mischievousness, and the idea — or rather, the expectation — that Stella's friend is about to go for a happy one-liner or something that reflects the smiley face in the background. But instead, he says that it stops eventually, and Stella fully describes his sorrow in the second-to-last stanza. I especially like the imagery behind the verse "as if bearing years of sorrows". It appears to me as the line that contrasts the most with the smiley face in the background, the one that destroys it as well as all the expectations created throughout the entire poem up until this point.
♠Speaking of imagery, I think it's interesting that the previous stanzas express different imageries of rain based on the man's expected mood because it makes it seem as though you're... Well, not making fun of, but rather, poking fun of clichés related to beautiful rain descriptions. As if to further support the destruction of all these expectations and that beauty at the end, replacing it with the man's accumulated sadness. it's like if the man himself, by his revealed sadness, contrasts with the entire poem.
♠The description of his true smile at the end seems to support that interpretation, especially since the last three verses are of a different font, much more visible as if directly shouting to the reader that the entire read was a facade.
♠I like the theme you've gone with throughout the entire thing. The last stanza gave a bit of a mischievously childish style to them (probably because of how direct and unpoetic they are, compared to everything else, but that's my interpretation).
♠I apologize, though. I can't think of constructive criticism for any kind of improvement you might find useful. The presentation was fun, the theme as well, and so was the climax. Overall, I think this is a fun read.
Thank you for letting me enjoy it. Have yourself a good time.
Thanks for the review!!
You're welcome.
Thanks for the poem.