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137,590 Literary Works • 672,050 Reviews
Hi MasterGrieves,
Mailice here with a short review!
I'm still in a training phase on how to review poetry properly, so you can skip my review if it seems kind of weird.
So let's start. At first glance, I'm a very big fan of the poem. It reads really well and flows smoothly, and it stands out because the individual stanzas are quite small and compact, which makes for an interesting trend to read. I think that's very striking, especially how you use it to link the beginning and end with the same number of syllables, if I haven't lost count.
Also, I like how this always makes the tone feel alternately like a new beginning, just because you always combine the "It's warm" and "It's spring" alternately, which to me is a nice double interpretation for love, and that it started much earlier than a summer.
I like that the middle lines rhyme in most cases, without it seeming forced or artificial in any way, but fluid and comprehensible in the division.
The actual plot and meaning of the poem is warm-hearted and I like that in combination with the short sentences and the division. It feels like faint breaths where you finally want to see the other person again. It seems fanatical but not obsessive, dreamy and in love but not overdone. What's also striking here is that you write from a fairly neutral perspective, so it's not immediately obvious who the narrator is, which I think is great.
All in all, I like the poem precisely because it has this simple yet very beautiful tone. I hope it was helpful!
Have fun writing!
Mailice
Heyo.
It's probably about the first time I've read something of yours that isn't covered in blood or that isn't about war. XD
And that makes a refreshing change, it's nice to know that in your earlier years you did diversify. So.
It's obvious from the first stanza that this person is falling in love and it is equated to the changing of the seasons and spring in particular because it is fresh and new?
Alright so this one sounds a lot more like you because it's darker. Erm, maybe this character did come back from some sort of war and they are happier now.
I am taking this bit literally, although the whole leaves thing tends to make me think more of autumn than spring, but I am picking holes.
So now it appears that your narrator is on drugs, and I am far less inclined to believe what they say anymore. Lie as in lie down? Or lie is in tell lies? Hmm. Is that about honesty or sleep? XD
Awww, this is very romantic, and this guy whether he is high or not, I am sure will have flattered his lover. Unless he is so high, he doesn't have a lover and this is all imaginary and some elaborate psychological trick? XD
I like this one for reasons I can't explain, but it feels right to describe the feeling of being in love.
So you've gone full blown romantic on us now?! XD Ha ha
This does suggest that there was maybe some absence, or turbulent times in their relationship and they have now overcome it and gotten back together.
A really sweet love story. Didn't know you could write so romantically.
♥