I see you're talking about your ideas
They don't scare me but make me fear the worst
I hope you're so, not too suicidal
For suicidal is something I am used to
I behave strangely but you just make it your own
You make it apply to all situations
I don't think that rape makes you suicidal
For suicidal is something I am used to
And you don't know
And you don't know
Your thoughts make me wonder so much
Into your psyche, or do I dare?
I think you're happy but I can't tell
If I knew you, I would try my best
My best, my best
Getting to grips that you are
Different, different
With all your fantasies
It's awkward, awkward
But at least I can talk to you
Unlike some people
Who just make me sleepy
I really cannot help you
No matter if I try to
I really can't help you
I really can't help you
I see your text, your colour's lovely
Yet I don't think it reflects your true nature
You think of all men in a random sequence
You regret it all, within a blur
Sorry for talking, I'm trying my best
To shut up and make you away of your thoughts
You really won't live if you're so suicidal
Be suicidal and you'll slide away
And you don't know
And you don't know
Your thoughts make me wonder so much
Into your psyche, or do I dare?
I think you're happy but I can't tell
If I knew you, I would try my best
My best, my best
Getting to grips that you are
Different, different
With all your fantasies
It's awkward, awkward
But at least I can talk to you
Unlike some people
Who just make me sleepy
No matter if I try to
No matter if I try to
I really can't help you
I really can't help you
'It's awkward, awkward
But at least I can talk to you'
Being able to summarise this work in these words makes me happy.
I think you'll guess that reading this is an incredibly personal experience, even when it was written, before we met.
Although I find the ending a bit bleak, I think we both know, especially when it comes to you, you can help people. Including yourself.
D'aww, this is a really sad work in a way. But it was beautifully written.
Hi, AJ!
I can detect some nice rhythm in this piece. It flowed very nicely! There were a lot of good moments, too. I particularly liked this part:
The last line seemed out of place from the rest of the stanza, but overall, it's very cool. Probably my favorite part in this piece!
I think there were some typos when you typed this up? 'Cause I had trouble reading some of these parts. I think there was one point where "wonder" probably could've/should've been "wander," but I just wasn't sure of what was being said enough to correct it.
I also seemed to have missed the point of this song. The first stanza confused me, and it confuses me the more I read it. XD The two main verses don't really have the rhythm I was hoping to detect like I did in the rest of the song, but they're the meat of the song, and I trust they fit in with the music. So content-wise, they seem almost too blunt yet trying so hard to fit the music. The second verse was better in my opinion. It's hard to explain. I'd probably just look at those two verses and try to shape those up if anything. Almost as if there's no real poetry to those parts? Just words stating the point of the song. It's on the right track, though!
It's a pretty good piece, though.
Keep writing!
Jabber, the One and Only!
Hey Ajt,
I honestly like this piece. I'm not going to leave a review right now, but I just wanted to say that.
I liked this one. You talk about "you" as someone you don't really know, but want to help, but can't... I don't think that made any sense, but yeah.