The Snow is slowly falling,
Like the saddened teardrops on my face
T’was not that long ago
We met in this now sacred place.
With your hand in mine,
We walked with ease, surrounded by joy
Your voice was in my head, all of you in my heart
We were so in love, I never wanted to part
There is a soft click-click-click
As the frozen tree branches above me
Begin to dance in the wind
Transporting me through time
Suddenly I can feel your loving touch again.
We were ecstatic together
There were a lot of promises
never wanted to part,
But somehow, she took you away
Finding a way to modify your heart
An empty bench stands to greet me
Wanting me to come close,,
To sit and stay for a while.
But it is cold, covered in snow
Like your hands that I long to hold.
I can see your face,
I can feel your lips
My hands are shaky, and I long
To feel your soft and gentle fingertips
One lonely light pole strides, silently
Giving light, showing things that the darkness
Strives to hide
As the light shines on me,
Many will see my exposed pain
Misery,
As the snow keeps silently falling,For your love my heart is calling,
But I know that I will ever see your footprints
Coming towards me in the fresh and soft snow
Nothing good will come of this I know
For they will find your lifeless body
Under the bench so low
With the melting of the snow
Points:
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Canary word: Present
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125,029 Literary Works • 672,775 Reviews
This is a beautifully written poem! I love the emotions being conveyed in this poem... I could feel every single bit of it. You also have a lot of good imagery... and each line flows smoothly to the next. The use of metaphors and other small poetic devices was really well done... I especially like the comparison to snow falling and the line "With the melting of snow" to really set readers in a calming mood. It's a long poem, and I was hooked throughout the whole thing.
I only noticed a couple of typos, but nothing else too significant other than that. Overall, this was a really nice poem that I loved reading through!
Hello, it is I again TropicalRain, here to drop off a review for your, and help get this lovely work out the Green Room for you.
Okay let's start by talking about what I saw that could be fixed.
So I saw you put quit a bit of punctuation in this poem, but if you read though you will see that there are parts that need some. I'll show you one of the spots quickly.
I feel like these three sentences need a comma at the end, it will help the flow going onto the next line after them. But this is all I can see, and if you don't agree, you can always not do what I have pointed out.
Now I'm going to talk about the good things I saw.
What I liked the most was the name you chose for this poem, It so sweet and calming, and the same can be said about your poem. I also really liked the emotion you put into this peace of work, and you also managed to put across the pain a break up can have. Amazing job.
Everything just flowed really well together, I like that some of your words rhyme really well with some of the other words. It just put this poem on a whole new level.
Over all I loved everything about it, the length was perfect, and the meaning behind it came across really well in your words you chose to use. Just amazing and I can't wait to read another one of your works.
TropicalRain.
Thank you for the review TropicalRain
Glad I could help.
Hey, Che here for a quick review!
Firstly, the imagery in this poem was absolutely beautiful. It came across so strongly and I could really picture it in my mind as I read it.
The rhyme scheme did not seem wholly consistent, however, and that paired with how long some of your lines were made it a little tedious to read. It disrupted the flow a little. Especially the line "As the snow keeps silently falling,For your love my heart is calling," I feel like this could be two separate lines?
It would've been nice to have had the poem separated into stanzas, just to make it a little easier on the eye when reading it but that doesn't matter all too much.
Overall, I think you absolutely nailed the imagery and the story behind the poem in a way that I could never!
Keep writing!
Regards, Che
Thanks for the review, i had this split into stanzas, but for sone reason, my formatting never transfers. Thanks!
Thanks for the review, i had this split into stanzas, but for sone reason, my formatting never transfers. Thanks!
Oh I always seem to get that formatting issues on here too. It's so annoying!