My thoughts are blue

Here's my review of your Poem

This piece is great it progresses slowly and starts to build up with the a slow pace but it really moves you and makes you realize the harsh truths of life although this poem is intended to be related to Bullies I think this poem relates to a lot more in life than just bullies. Each and every obstacle in our lives is a tormentor and we just need to have the right attitude towards the problem and I think that this poem just needs to be correct grammatically otherwise its great and now I am intrigued to know about what else you have in store for us . Keep up the good work and don't let anything get in your way to success. Good Luck.

Hey Chips McCoy here back at it again with the reviews!

I really liked how the poem became progressively more emotional and personal, it helps the reader become more invested and build a sympathetic connection towards the character. It was a good narrative poem, the story was cohesive and the rhyme scheme worked at times, other times it felt a bit forced, however the message of the poem was understood

I have a few critiques/suggestions which may be of help to you. I'll just start off with the typos/errors and phrasing issues I picked up on, which you could have missed while editing.

"I know somewone has to help my but, I wonder who"

Here, there's a typo i think you meant to write, *someone. A full-stop is also needed at the end of this sentence.

"I can tell that like seeing me in pain, yep, you don't care,"

There seems to be a word missing, "I can tell that *you* like seeing me..". The "yep, you don't care", was seemingly informal and looked and sounded out of place with the stanza, perhaps cutting it out or rephrasing it.

"blinking I realize that truly to you my life seems

like nothing at all."

This line felt a little long and sounded a bit awkward aloud, maybe changing some of the words. You have also used the word, "truly", twice in the poem so maybe looking at some synonyms would be beneficial.

"You are my bully"

This sounds too much like you are claiming the bully as your own, it's also stating the obvious too much and it too straight-forward/blunt. Perhaps using a metaphor or saying something along the lines of, "you are my torment/you torment me"?


Overall, keep writing and I hope this helped.

Hello, its me again!

Grammar: I saw no grammar mistakes but I do suggest looking over your work in case I may have missed something.

Other: This is probably the websites fault but the lines are all janky. ( Used janky at lack for better word ). I can;t really tell where exactly your stanzas start and stop but I have an idea.

Overall: The way you kept a consistent rhyme pattern ( It changed between stanzas but that's normal). Your poem had a very deep meaning the way you wrote this defiantly got the message across. In general this was an amazing piece of poetry. Please continue writing such beuatiful work. I can't wait to read and review more of your work!

Goodbye, have a nice day!

-EmilyStarks