It all started with a Whisper,
Silence shared through screens in the dark,
There was no way I could have known
That you would steal my heart.
The whisper grew slowly
Forming a new companionship,
A fever that never ceased to grow
Little did I know
You would be mine before the first snow
The whisper became a question
The answer our lives both seemed to show
My mind begins to wonder
What did she do to you
And do I want to know
Out focus is not on pain
We are not worried about finding a secret paradise
For now it is just
A hug and a kiss goodbye for we both know
Next time we are together
The time will fly
Your touch lingers on my fingertips
Your smell on my skin,
Your words echo in the walls of my heart
For I know that you will never leave
In the pages of my life,
You will always be a part.
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140,198 Literary Works • 673,040 Reviews
Hey Annie!
I'm here for a review. Well it was just like a kid in love. Like falling in love for the first time and making them the most important part of your life. I still remember my first love. It's just like a first love. It fits so well. It's just so beautiful. "In the pages of my life,
You will always be a part." These lines just take my heart away. Like it's so beautiful to have someone written in your heart for long. That's really beautiful. And I love this type of cute romantic poems.
Hope you have an wonderful time here. And feel free to check mine. Lol I'm exaggerating. Haha.
Your friend,
Shakira.
Thanks!
This is a really nicely-written poem! The amount of imagery and emotion conveyed from this really enhanced a theme of desire. I especially like the part where u specifically use senses - "Your touch... your smell..." - to draw the reader into the poem even more. I could also see a sort of progression in this relationship if the characters from the way their "whispers" - or I'm guessing "thoughts" - transformed through each stage.
The only thing I noticed was in line 15... I think you made a typo. It should say "our" instead of "out".
Anyway, that's all I have to say... this is a beautifully written poem and I can't wait to read more of your writing!
Thank you so much for the nice comments! I will be sure to read over the poem again and look for similar typos. Thank you so much, have a wonderful day!
So beautiful. An amazing pleasure to read. The imagery, the description, the use of the senses including emotions - all so touching.
Just one question - is this a poem where two people find each other and are happy? Or does it just begin that way and end with them leaving each other?
In such a short amount of time you made me desire these characters' happiness. I hope it all ends well.
Great work - keeping writing.
I was wanting to develop this more, i am not sure. I was thinking about make it where one of the partners die or where they are looking back....
Aw, that would be so sad, but very moving.
Hi~
I love love love the concept of this. I hate love poetry it often seems forced and cheesy but this is so beautiful and such a sophisticated way of portraying what you wanted to say. This is something completely arbitrary, but I think it would be really cool if the poem began and ended with a with a whisper, since that's the title. I just think that would produce a cool effect, but it's not a make or break kind of edit.
One thing that I think would overall improve the piece is less end rhyme. In my opinion the poem would be elevated if you used more descriptive words and didn't confine yourself to the end rhyme of "ow." like, devices like having the "s" sounds "screen" and "steal" like you did in the first few lines communicate and have better cohesion than using the rhyme. So maybe keep that in mind, that for the reader using similar sounds on separate lines, still creates the unifying musical quality you're looking for.
Please KEEP WRITING!!
-k u m a
Thanks for your kind words and advice
Hi~
I love love love the concept of this. I hate love poetry it often seems forced and cheesy but this is so beautiful and such a sophisticated way of portraying what you wanted to say. This is something completely arbitrary, but I think it would be really cool if the poem began and ended with a with a whisper, since that's the title. I just think that would produce a cool effect, but it's not a make or break kind of edit.
One thing that I think would overall improve the piece is less end rhyme. In my opinion the poem would be elevated if you used more descriptive words and didn't confine yourself to the end rhyme of "ow." like, devices like having the "s" sounds "screen" and "steal" like you did in the first few lines communicate and have better cohesion than using the rhyme. So maybe keep that in mind, that for the reader using similar sounds on separate lines, still creates the unifying musical quality you're looking for.
Please KEEP WRITING!!
-k u m a