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The leaving of a Lover

by Anniepoo103



In evening twilight

While into the sunset he rode

Pain he never showed


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118 Reviews


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Sun Apr 07, 2019 11:29 pm
FabihaNeera says...



Even with three lines, the message of this poem is deeply meaningful of how painful and emotional this scenario can be for anyone. I could definitely feel a tugging inside me at how sad this would make anyone feel. But, who knows? I get easily emotional over a lot of fictional stories...

Now, I don't know if this is true or not, but I just want to say that you did an amazing job in conveying such deep emotion into just a few lines.

One thing I noticed is the syllables of the lines. If this is a haiku, the syllables of each line end up being 5-8-5. Be sure to double check how many syllables you have in each line as a future reference!




Anniepoo103 says...


Thank you for the review Fabiha



User avatar
118 Reviews


Points: 7386
Reviews: 118

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Sun Apr 07, 2019 11:29 pm
FabihaNeera wrote a review...



Even with three lines, the message of this poem is deeply meaningful of how painful and emotional this scenario can be for anyone. I could definitely feel a tugging inside me at how sad this would make anyone feel. But, who knows? I get easily emotional over a lot of fictional stories...

Now, I don't know if this is true or not, but I just want to say that you did an amazing job in conveying such deep emotion into just a few lines.

One thing I noticed is the syllables of the lines. If this is a haiku, the syllables of each line end up being 5-8-5. Be sure to double check how many syllables you have in each line as a future reference!




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Sun Apr 07, 2019 4:22 am
FlamingPhoenix wrote a review...



Hello, FlamingPhoneix here to drop of a short review. And to help get your work out the green room.

Let's begin.

So this was a very short but very sweet, and poetic poem. it's was really cool how it was so short, and it was really enjoyable to read. I also like how the lines just seemed to flow, and they rhymed really well to, that another reason it was fun to read.

I only saw one thing I would like to fix. As I was reading I saw you don't have any punctuation, and I guess it's not really that big of a deal when your poem is so short, but I would like you to put a full stop at the end of the last line or something.

Well that's it from me for now. I really liked reading this, and i hope to see more like it in the future sometime. Never stop writing and have a great day/night.

Your friend
FlamingPhoenix.
Reviewing this a fiery passion.




Anniepoo103 says...


Thank you Flaming! I left it without punctuation because of the nature of this kind of work. This type was traditionally written about nature, and it was meant to stay with you..... Thanks for your advice (:





Oh, okay. Glad I could help.



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Sat Apr 06, 2019 10:14 am
4revgreen wrote a review...



Hey, Che here for a quick review :-)

Firstly, the way you managed to get across pain and emotion into such a small amount of words amazes me. It's a skill not many people have, so you should be proud of that

The only thing I spotted wrong with this is that a haiku is 5-7-5 with seventeen syllables, and your middle line actually had eight syllables making it overall eighteen. I'm not sure how you would fix that but I'm just pointing it out for you :-)

Keep writing!

Regards, Che




Anniepoo103 says...


oh goodness, for some reason I totally missed that. thank you so much 4rev



4revgreen says...


No problem! :-)



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Fri Apr 05, 2019 9:27 pm
shieldmaiden says...



Wow - just wow! How did you compact so much with only a sparse amount of words? Amazing talent you possess. My favorite line (not that there is many to choose from ;) ) is 'Pain he never showed'. That choked me up.

I love your pieces!




Anniepoo103 says...


Thank you! I really appreciate your kind words. it has been hard for me to get back onto this website, so hearing this really helped. Have a wonderful day.




I have writer's block. I can't write. It is the will of the gods. Now, I must alphabetize my spice rack.
— Neil Gaiman