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Thoughts about love and life

by Anniepoo103

          Love, I feel like people don't get it. Many girls dream of falling in love with some guy. They will pretty much fall into the trap of whoever is after them. I feel like they don't take the time to get to know the person before 'dating them' 

        It is kind of ridiculous if you think about it.  They put no thoughts, no feelings into their relationships and if they do, most of them are fake or forced. I wonder why they do this, why they think it is ok. Do they have any idea they are doing it? 

      Love should be a special once in a lifetime kind of thing, I feel like it should be earned not chased after or abused. I guess you could say that these thoughts are pointless, that is if you have fallen into the trap of fake feelings. 

      I guess you could call these fake feelings something other than love, something other than attraction. I would call them a greedy need. So many people have the desire, the want, the self-pity even. They want attention, they want to be noticed.

     If people didn't set high standards, if the world didn't, i feel like this sort of thing may not happen, kids are almost forced to grow up once they reach their teenage years. They are ready to be adults and they waste their childhood with fake feelings, wasted time, and lots of forced feelings.

    Life shouldn't be all about love. I feel like life is too short not to have lots of fond and happy memories. People are all too worried about everything if you think about it. Getting the newest clothes, going to the grandest place. In a few years that won't matter. What you were wearing or where you were will just be a secondary thing, what you will remember is who you were with and how you spent your time. I know these are just a lot of random thoughts but, think about it. I am sure thqt all of my thoughts, or most of them at least are right. What do you think? 

   -Anne Throckmorton 2016

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272 Reviews

Points: 3455
Reviews: 272

Tue May 10, 2016 10:12 pm
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cleverclogs wrote a review...

Hey, annie! clogs here to review!

I almost feel like this would be better posted in the Serious Discussion and Debate forum instead of as a literary work. Then, you could actually have a discussion without people correcting your every mistake. But, since this is a review, that's what I'm here to do! XD Let's begin, shall we?

I'll start with grammar:

You have a couple of careless mistakes and a couple of repeated mistakes. The careless mistakes are things like missing punctuation and typos, which I feel like you can correct without me spending forever quoting them at you and fixing them. Self editing is a valuable skill. However, I'll spend some time on the repeated mistakes, since that makes it clear to me what you don't understand.

You have a problem with comma splices. Example:

Love should be a special once in a lifetime kind of thing, I feel like it should be earned not chased after or abused.

This sentence has two independent clauses, therefore it cannot be joined by a comma. There are a number of ways to fix comma splices, but for this sentence, I think that either a period or a semicolon would be appropriate. Also, you need a comma after "earned".

There were definitely more comma splices in this, so hopefully now you can start to recognize them a bit more and learn how to fix them. Here's a Knowledge Base article that will also help with this:

Comma splices

Overall, this work has a lot of grammar mistakes, so I urge you to go through this and proofread. If something sounds unnatural, then change something! Proofreading and editing are some of the most valuable skills that you can have as a writer. As someone once said, "Writing is rewriting."

Moving on from grammar:

I'm not even sure of the point you're trying to get across here. It's very unorganized, and not very well-explained. What I maaybe got from it was that teenagers shouldn't focus so much on finding love, and should try to enjoy other aspects of life and worry about love later? It was generally really confusing. If you want to convince readers of your point, here are a few tips:

1. Start out with a point, so readers know what you're trying to tell them

2. Support your point with evidence, so readers know you're not just making stuff up

3. Explain how the evidence relates to your point, in case the readers are idiots

It may sound like I'm joking with the "readers are idiots", but that's really what you have to do. Explain everything, even if it feels like you're over-explaining sometimes. That way, readers will actually understand what you're trying to say, and if you're lucky, they might agree with you! Right now, you're doing nothing to convince me.

I think that most of the time, this is too judge-y. It invalidates people's feelings. For instance:

They put no thoughts, no feelings into their relationships and if they do, most of them are fake or forced.

How do you know? Who are you to say that no thoughts or feelings go into their relationships? You might say that their thoughts are misguided, but they're still thoughts, so it seems really presumptuous to just go, "oh, no thought is going into their relationship."

I guess you could say that these thoughts are pointless, that is if you have fallen into the trap of fake feelings.

Again, how do you know that these feelings are fake? Teenagers have real feelings just like everyone else. Will their feelings last forever? Probably not, but that doesn't mean that they're not real while they're feeling them.

Not to mention, I think teenage dating is incredibly important so that they can find out how they relate to people and get used to having mature relationships. It's kind of like practice for the adult world. Nobody's expecting two 13 year olds to be soulmates and still be together when they're 70, but that doesn't mean it's bad for them to date.

I am sure thqt all of my thoughts, or most of them at least are right. What do you think?

I think that you're coming off as arrogant by saying this. This is such an opinion-based topic, so how can you be so sure you're "right"? What defines "right", anyway? If someone feels that their life needs love, then so be it. They're not "wrong" for thinking that.

In the end, this piece is simply an opinion, which is why I think you might be better off posting it in SD&D. If you want to further this as a literary work, I recommend fixing your grammar mistakes and turning it into a persuasive essay. However, you should be aware that this topic is incredibly based in opinion, so what works for you might not work for everyone else.

Hope this helped, and keep on writing! :D

Anniepoo103 says...

thanks I am sorry for all of my mistakes though. I will try to be better, I didn't expect this to be that great actually because i just finished a state test and I was winding down by writing. I will edit it when my brain isn't fried. I do have finals all week though, so it might be a while.

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7 Reviews

Points: 942
Reviews: 7

Tue May 10, 2016 6:50 pm
heyitsisabel wrote a review...

I also do think that people rush into "love" and don't truly find it because they might feel forced because of their friends, family, age, needing attention, etc. I would definitely say that I agree that life is not just about love and that people are too worried about it. Many kids are definitely rushed into adulthood while their childhood was used up on forced/faked feelings and petty drama. It does seem like most of people's childhood really is wasted on this stuff. This piece agrees with most of my opinions (and by most I mean the ones that weren't mentioned). Love definitely seems a bit cliche because people overthink it and make it an insanely big deal. Yes, it can be a big deal because you can get married or something, but people make it a much bigger subject than it actually is. I really liked the way you worded this piece, it was very well written. I'd like to hear more pieces like this from you soon!

Anniepoo103 says...

thanks lol i have been going through writers block lately and this is my way of getting out of it, recording my thoughts. I really appreciate that you took the time to read this piece and leave a review

We shall not cease from exploration, and the end of all our exploring will be to arrive where we started and know the place for the first time.
— T.S. Eliot