Circus Story Circus Story Circus Story
Save your voice, save your joy, save your Circus Story
~
Clinically insane, and maybe a little deranged
What did you expect, when you never clicked on "next"
Surrounded by liars, you turn to do the same
And the clowns- Hey, are you listening?
~
This is a circus, not a flower bed
The idea of "normal" is good as dead
Time to be a ring master again!
~
Welcome to the Circus Story
Clowns with masks in all its glory
Take joy in your agony...
You used to be the star of my show
dear ex-jester I'll have you know
You ain't even a guest, and you already get the rest
You're business is falling
While mine is thriving
You could have been, could have been, in the Circus Story
~
Don't tell me to be happy
After what you did to me
You couldn't even smile, smile at me
Clowns have flowers in their hair
Each one assigned so fair
But you crushed your own,
And left me all alone
~
This is a circus, not a flower bed
The idea of "normal" is good as dead
Time to be a ring master again!
~
Welcome to the Circus Story
Clowns with masks in all its glory
Take joy in your agony...
You used to be the star of my show
dear ex-jester I'll have you know
You ain't even a guest, and you already get the rest
You're business is falling
While mine is thriving
You could have been, could have been, in the Circus Story
~
Circus Story Circus Story Circus Story
Save your voice, save your joy, save your Circus Story
~
Every writer does all that they can
To have their voice heard over and over again
You could have stayed the main character in the book
But you plot twisted and chose not to look
Don't you dare deny it, the trust I had in you
I had great expectations, but you're way overdue
You disappoint-disappointed me
No longer in, no longer in, the Circus Story...
~
This is a circus, not a flowers bed
The idea of "normal" is as good as dead
Time to be a ring master again!
~
Welcome to the Circus Story
Clowns with masks in all its glory
Take joy in all your agony...
You used to be the star of my show
dear ex-jester I'll have you know
You ain't even a guest, and you already get the rest
You're business is falling
While mine is thriving
You could have been, could have been, in the Circus Story
~
There's a voice, there is joy, in the Circus Story
You can't be, you can't be, in the Circus Story
Points:
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Canary word: Present
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125,029 Literary Works • 672,781 Reviews
Hello, Akira! I'm Wist and I'm here to review your poem/song. (Sorry, I can't tell!)
Your work here clearly shows the POV of someone who has been betrayed, and I can quickly see how the betrayal has affected them. So, excellent job! Your narrative is clean and easy to follow, so the reader knows what's happening. With that said, let's move on to some of the lines.
I enjoy this line because it establishes two things: 1. that this work is an active conversation between characters, and 2. what the relationship between said characters is like.
The bolded word is supposed to be "your."
I'm pretty sure the bolded word is supposed to be "flower" based on the previous rendition of this stanza/verse.
The stanza/verse I pulled these from, but these two lines especially, demonstrate the speaker's feelings of the betrayal from the ex-jester well. The idea of the ex-jester crushing the symbol that tied them to this group and then the speaker feeling all alone despite having the rest of the group shows that the relationship used to be incredibly important (which is probably why the speaker tried so hard to convince the ex-jester to come back) and this whole ordeal has been harrowing.
And that's the end! A tragedy with the speaker's pleas ignored and the ruin of what was once a brilliant friendship (at least in the speaker's eyes) in tatters. Wonderful job!
Overall, this tale of betrayal and the destruction of a friendship flows well, proudly carries its emotional depth, and leaves the reader with a sour taste in their mouth when it all fails. Good job! Thank you for publishing it; I enjoyed reading it.
Happy Writing!
Wist
Hello there, human! I'm reviewing using the YWS S'more Method today!
Shalt we commence with the review?
Top Graham Cracker - The narrator speaks of their Circus Story, of their glowing glory, and of their deepest disappointment that their beloved Jester left them.
Slightly Burnt Marshmallow - The only thing is that “ring” and “master” isn’t together, but that is one little thing.
Chocolate Bar - The narrator has changed from one in misery to one in anger. They don’t like that their Jester had left them, and they want the Jester to feel their pain. It’s a nice detail, one I enjoyed.
Closing Graham Cracker - A dazzling addition to the Showtime series, one that shows how love gets ripped and torn at the seams, broken into bits.
I wish you a lovely day/night! :>