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Circus Wall

by AkiraEliza


Wake up again flowers everywhere

The clowns never notice, rather not have ‘em care

On with the day, it’s on with another show

I try to pretend my monster never knows

Trapeze daredevils always flip and turn

One of em falls and breaks a leg, its like they never learn

The other breaks an arm, And now I have to chose

Who do I help, and who do I lose?

~

Sonner or later they’ll find out and fight

I’ll get caught in the middle cause I know it isn’t right

I built a Circus Wall to keep the peace

Monster of memories will make it cease

Gotta make, that Circus Wall!

~

It’s yet another day, and I can’t ever catch a break

Roses and dragon fruit are always at stake

Who is more delectable, who do I need in the show

I built a Circus Wall, but it never knows

Monster made of memories whispers in my ear

“Gotta lose one, but you hold them both dear”

Both are needed to perform the trick

Gotta have em both, I refuse to pick

~

They used to be clowns, until I gave them the job

If both of them find out I lied, dear, dear god

Got a rose and fruit tatooed on their back

I hold em both dear, and that’s a fact

One’s nice, one’s mean, but I like em that way

Why does one have to go, why can’t they both stay?

It’s a death threat, deja vu, won’t happen again

I’ll keep one at a distance, then

~

Sonner or later they’ll find out and fight

I’ll get caught in the middle cause I know it isn’t right

I built a Circus Wall to keep the peace

Monster of memories will make it cease

Gotta make, that Circus Wall!

~

It’s yet another day, and I can’t ever catch a break

Roses and dragon fruit are always at stake

Who is more delectable, who do I need in the show

I built a Circus Wall, but it never knows

Monster made of memories whispers in my ear

“Gotta lose one, but you hold them both dear”

Both are needed to perform the trick

Gotta have em both, I refuse to pick

~

The clowns don’t know, they cant tell

The rose, she knows, but she’s hidden it well

The fruit is so gentle, it isn’t fair,

I swear to god, if they think I don’t care-

A rose has thorns, but the fruit is sweet

When it comes to my heart, I know it’s better for me

I can hold it close, unlike the rose

So it’s what I’ll choose, the one I’ll keep close

Closer, at least . . .

~

Sonner or later they’ll find out and fight

I’ll get caught in the middle cause I know it isn’t right

I built a Circus Wall to keep the peace

Monster of memories will make it cease

Gotta make, that Circus Wall!

~

It’s yet another day, and I can’t ever catch a break

Roses and dragon fruit are always at stake

Who is more delectable, who do I need in the show

I built a Circus Wall, but it never knows

Monster made of memories whispers in my ear

“Gotta lose one, but you hold them both dear”

Both are needed to perform the trick

Gotta have em both, I refuse to pick

~

Let’s keep that Circus Wall.


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74 Reviews

Points: 7432
Reviews: 74

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Fri Jun 14, 2024 2:12 am
WeepingWisteria wrote a review...



Hello, Akira! I'm Wist and I'm back to review a sequel.

This poem/song demonstrates one of the main strengths I touched on in my previous review: the work's emotional depth. Overall, you show intense conflict within the speaker and the choices they have to face. Good job!

Sonner or later they’ll find out and fight

The bolded word should be sooner.

Who is more delectable, who do I need in the show

I'm unsure if this was intentional, but "delectable" foreshadows the speaker choosing Dragon Fruit because dragon fruits are a popular foodstuff, and roses aren't usually considered "delectable." If it was, good job! If it wasn't, tell no one and take the win.

I swear to god, if they think I don't care-

Even though this statement is incomplete, this line is the best at demonstrating the speaker's dilemma. They don't want either Rose or Dragon Fruit to think they don't care, but they're forced into a position where they can only pick one. However, my main criticism is that, as the reader, we don't know why the speaker can only choose one. I read through Circus Jester and Circus Dreams but couldn't find anything explaining this. If the answer is in a different work, I'd love to hear it to understand the story better. But, as it stands, explaining why this is an issue would be significant to make the situation feel more dire.

Overall, this song shows the intense emotions of a speaker deep in conflict. Adding backstory for that conflict will only strengthen those emotions and make the readers feel more connected to the piece. Thanks for publishing; I enjoyed reading.

Happy Writing!
Wist




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1135 Reviews

Points: 271
Reviews: 1135

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Sun May 19, 2024 7:32 pm
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vampricone6783 wrote a review...



Hello there, human! I'm reviewing using the YWS S'more Method today!

Shalt we commence with the review?

Top Graham Cracker - A Circus Wall keeps the rose and fruit apart, but soon, they will find out, and it won’t end too well.

Slightly Burnt Marshmallow - I think that you meant to say “sooner” but that’s just one little thing.

Chocolate Bar - Ah, the protagonist in the pits of trouble again. This time, with choosing between her rose and her fruit. Both represent her, both are true to her, but she can’t pick. I like how you wrote about her struggle to make a choice, only to think of the fruit more fondly than the rose, in case anything happened.

Closing Graham Cracker - Another good song, this time, going into the perils of making choices. If she doesn’t choose, both the rose and the fruit are sure to find out, and all will end in flames, if she doesn’t choose soon.

I wish you a lovely day/night! ^v^





Yesterday is not ours to recover, but tomorrow is ours to win or lose.
— Lyndon B. Johnson