I hid my petals deap inside my hat
Buried it six feet in the ground
May the seeds never reach the show lights
Keep it hidden, keep it safe and sound
The new clowns never knew, each flower on their mask
Counted for someone I loved and lost
They never cared, never knew of their task
Drown the blossoms voice, drown it all day long…
~
It’s on with the show, and I’m all alone
No where to go, no place to call home
I built this circus from the ground
To keep my Circus Dream safe and sound
Buried alive by the things that they’ve said
I wouldn’t be surprised if it remained dead
This dream of mine, it included you
But then all my old clowns quit, you did too
I had a Circus Dream, and you never knew
~
I’m not looking for an audiance
Maybe an old clown somewhere in the crowd
They keep coming in to see the show
But everyone keeps asking for the Jester I used to have
I told them he cut my strings and left me buried
How he ran off to join another show
Baffled, they come to join the other clowns
Until they realize the jester didn’t leave for no reason at all
~
It’s on with the show, and I’m all alone
No where to go, no place to call home
I built this circus from the ground
To keep my Circus Dream safe and sound
Buried alive by the things that they’ve said
I wouldn’t be surprised if it remained dead
This dream of mine, it included you
But then all my old clowns quit, you did too
I had a Circus Dream, and you never knew
~
I can replace the clowns, but I can’t replace you
The flowers keep growing, keep getting thrown askew
Discarded, smashed, and no one else knew
It was my secret, the hell you put me through
Just because the masks break and flowers wither, don’t make em go away
~
It’s on with the show, and I’m all alone
No where to go, no place to call home
I built this circus from the ground
To keep my Circus Dream safe and sound
Buried alive by the things that they’ve said
I wouldnt be surprised if it remained dead
This dream of mine, it included you
But then all my old clowns quit, you did too
I had a Circus Dream, and you never knew
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125,029 Literary Works • 672,781 Reviews
Hey there, friend! Ellie here to leave you a review for this poem of yours. I have noticed that you have a few that follow this circus theme, so I will be sure to check out the others as we'll, but this is the first one I am reading
oooh! I love this. It is very poetic. I love the detail you included of all of the flowers on the mask counting for someone who you had loved and also lost. It is in plain sight to everyone who sees it, but no one understands the deeper meaning. Even the mask itself is poetic. We often hear of people hiding behind masks. We hide out true selves and parts of ourselves that we do not want to be judged. So in a way, wearing this mask is hiding so much, perhaps pain over lost loved ones.
We see a lot of lovely rhymes in the next stanza:
This is so heartbreaking. The line of having dreams, but they included others. So it seems like a bunch of clowns quit or gave up on this circus. Perhaps there is just one clown left alone now, unable to follow their dreams since there are no others to help. That is so sad.
Let's see what happens next:
Again, we come back to these flowers and crushed dreams. That is so true. Despite pain and death, flowers still grow. Life goes on, despite this own world we are trapped in where everything is so painful. You did a wonderful job showing the difference of life and death here. I LOVE how you still came back to those flowers </3
Overall, this was lovely. It was very sad. At the start, I thought it would be more horror like, because normally clown stories are evil clown stories, but this was just touching and nice. Very nice, please keep writing!
Your friend,
Ellie
Hello there, human! I'm reviewing using the YWS S'more Method today!
Shalt we commence with the spooky S’more?
Top Graham Cracker - The narrator talks of a dream she had with her Jester, a fantasy that they would be together forever, and still hopes for that dream somewhere, even though the Jester left her long ago.
Slightly Burnt Marshmallow - I think that you meant to say “deep” for one part, but that’s just one little thing.
Chocolate Bar - I love how the narrator still seems to miss the Jester in some way. How she had a whole “Circus Dream” that she wanted to share with him, but then it all plummeted away, and though her new circus stands tall and proud, it’s still nothing compared to the one she had with her Jester, and that sadness hangs forever.
Closing Graham Cracker - Her Circus Dream has come to fruition, but it may not last long. It may wither to the ground, just as the flowers did long ago. How long she can keep her circus is the question.
I wish you a lovely day/night! :>