Hanging around circus thyme
Roses in my hair, so fine
Blossoms crushed, it's past your time
The weight of this is killing me
I don't want you to think I'm mean
So I'll bite my tongue until it bleeds
Snap dragons, no where seen
Gotta keep it under lock and key
~
This circus is, for, freaks
No place for my rose, so bleak
The flowers need to go, it ain't supposed to be your home
There ain't no where to see you bloom
I cant sleep when its night
Your death notes, it causes strife
I like roses more than knives
Please don't wither, why cant you trust me a little more?
This Circus is a petal score
~
Please be mine, please don't go
you know that this ain't your home
first time a rose of mine had thorns
it scratches at my eyes, scratches at my throat
Petals fall down in my ears
Don't lose hope, can't you see me here?
You're so pretty, please be my rose
I know your in pain, but your thorns hurt too
~
This circus is, for, freaks
No place for my rose, so bleak
The flowers need to go, it ain't supposed to be your home
There ain't no where to see you bloom
I cant sleep when its night
Your death notes, it causes strife
I like roses more than knives
Please don't wither, why cant you trust me a little more?
This Circus is a petal score
~
My rose is in pain, wont let me see
My blossom is forever mad at me
Snap-dragon's been long over me
Keep my crocus friend zoning me
My lily never really liked me, now I see
Dragon fruit flowers been too good, too sweet
And in my head it's raining sunflowers, sunflowers
~
Anything to put a smile on my jester
And each clown has their own assigned flower
Anything to drown the blossoms voice
I have an assigned flower, someone elses choice
So who am I, tell me, who am I?
Clown or ring master? come back, jester...
~
Petal score, petal score, this circus is a petal score...
This circus is, for, freaks
No place for my rose, so bleak
The flowers need to go, it ain't supposed to be your home
There ain't no where to see you bloom
I cant sleep when its night
Your death notes, it causes strife
I like roses more than knives
Please don't wither, why cant you trust me a little more?
This Circus is a petal score
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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125,005 Literary Works • 672,809 Reviews
Hello Again, My Friend!
Late to the party, but here to continue this series, haha. This was another great installment in your ongoing lyrical circus story, and all of its flowers, freaks, clowns, and jesters. I really enjoyed this one; I felt like it was not only telling an ongoing story, but that with its even bigger focus on flowers and petals, it was creating a lot of really gorgeous visuals to pair with it.
*ahem, as for a more technical review, I don't have much to complain about (as per usual lol). There were just some very minor recommendations I thought I would make in good faith, free to take or leave, having to do with two specific lines.
So something about this line isn't exactly wrong in any way, but I wonder if it would help to write "ain't nowhere [I or we] plan to see you bloom" or maybe even "ain't nowhere here to see you bloom." I don't know, I feel like "to plan to see you bloom" was a little odd.
As for this, it's an extremely minor nitpick, it's just a couple of missing apostrophes for "can't" and "it's."
Now of course, this is just my opinion, and I am not a professional, so please always take my advice with a grain of salt. This was a great piece regardless ~
Now, for favorite lines!
That opening sequence, first of all, love that. Love the visuals, love how it starts the next phase of the story.
I also loved the introduction of even more "flowers," going far beyond just the Rose and Blossom now. With the Crocus friend-zoning, the Lily showing its true colors, and dragon fruit flowers being "too good, too sweet," it feels like there's a lot more being added to this cast -and with the continued flower analogies, I just love the colorful visuals this creates. And of course, I feel that lines like the "flowers need to go" show a sense of frustration and a desire for distance from them and their traits.
Overall, very lovely piece, nicely done!
Hello there, human! I'm reviewing using the YWS S'more Method today!
Shalt we commence with the mutated S’more?
Top Graham Cracker - First off, I want to say that I’m sorry that I haven’t read your other circus songs, I’ll be sure to catch up on them. Now, this song is alluding to someone who has a dying rose, who feels that there is no place for them in their life, not even at the circus.
Slightly Burnt Marshmallow - I feel like you meant to say “nowhere” but that’s only one small thing.
Chocolate Bar - I love how the narrator seems mournful over what could have been, and looks at life in a darkened gaze. They want to be loved dearly, but too much has happened for that to come true, and it seems that even love’s petals eventually wither away.
Closing Graham Cracker - Another sorrowful edition to the circus series, I enjoyed reading it. How the petals rot, how they try to grow, is determined, but in the end, does it even matter?
I wish you an amazing day/night! :>
Nice work done by the author.
I really loved how this poem explains how sad and gloomy the author is feeling after their loved one left them and is not coming back.
"Anything to put a smile on my jester
And each clown has their own assigned flower
Anything to drown the blossoms voice
I have an assigned flower, someone elses choice
So who am I, tell me, who am I?
Clown or ring master? come back, jester..."
We all might fight with our loved ones but the guilt we feel after the fight is way too much for us to take, and then we want everything to come back to normal, all we want to again laugh and talk to our loved ones. But we don't realize how much our words and actions affect them, and it gets too late for us to make it up to them again.
The pain which we feel when they don't talk to us and ignore us is something we cannot describe, and then we realize how our stupidity has broken someone's heart and then we do everything possible to make our loved one smile but now its too late.
Keep it up.
Waiting for the next sequel.
Thank you.