z
  • Home

Young Writers Society


E - Everyone

Circus Rose

by AkiraEliza


"Don't come back here, this ain't your home."

~

She was a ring master, someone who could take the hearts of 'em all

It came crashin' down, and she never saw the fall

She left her circus, then she went off to make her own

And as she sold her tickets, she thought that it all was said and done

She traded a blossom for a rose, held it close to her heart

But today the thorns have shown, and she should have known from the start

She didn't even like sunflowers, but she did it for her rose

Now the petals are crushed, and shes screamin' "THIS AIN'T YOUR HOME"
~

"Don't come back here, this ain't your home"

~

The clowns are sad, the jester has quit the job

A Circus Freak's hands are covered in blood

Shes written one final message, one in blood on the wall

And may she have one crushed rose when the curtain falls

She used to throw the rose out into the crowd,

But she was convinced and told that it was too loud

Now she throws the rose, straight down with the trash

She don't want you, she should take her deadly blossom back

Her final message, the one written on her grave

Is left for the rose, may the cuts on her hands be saved

"Don't come back here, this ain't your home"

"You're not welcome, leave me alone"

The thorns have scraped her heart, one too many times

May she stop crawlin' back, may she sing this rhyme

Because today, the rose has gone away

~

She forgave despite her ways, again and again,

For the roses thorns, it was the beauty that reeled her in

Finally she had enough, it was time to say goodbye

the rose came crawlin' back, and it was askin' why

but the thorns really sting, and the sunflowers petals soon turned red

Finally she said "that hurts" it was time to crush the rose until she was dead

She should welcome back her blossom, though it poisoned her heart so bad,

She's starting to hate flowers, because before the rose, it was the only flower she ever had.

~

"Don't come back here, this ain't your home"

~

The clowns are sad, the jester has quit the job

A Circus Freak's hands are covered in blood

Shes written one final message, one in blood on the wall

And may she have one crushed rose when the curtain falls

She used to throw the rose out into the crowd,

But she was convinced and told that it was too loud

Now she throws the rose, straight down with the trash

She don't want you, she should take her deadly blossom back

Her final message, the one written on her grave

Is left for the rose, may the cuts on her hands be saved

"Don't come back here, this ain't your home"

"You're not welcome, leave me alone"

The thorns have scraped her heart, one too many times

May she stop crawlin' back, may she sing this rhyme

Because today, the rose has gone away

~

I miss you, but you're no good for me

I don't like the pain, there ain't nothin' to gain

I want you back, I need your soft petals to brush my slit skin

But I know that I'll get hurt if you come back here again

I can't have you here, though some part of me will want you back

Give me your ticket, you don't need it,

Join another circus, this one ain't for you

Because today, the rose has gone away

~

"Don't come back here, this ain't your home"

~

The clowns are sad, the jester has quit the job

A Circus Freak's hands are covered in blood

Shes written one final message, one in blood on the wall

And may she have one crushed rose when the curtain falls

She used to throw the rose out into the crowd,

But she was convinced and told that it was too loud

Now she throws the rose, straight down with the trash

She don't want you, she should take her deadly blossom back

Her final message, the one written on her grave

Is left for the rose, may the cuts on her hands be saved

"Don't come back here, this ain't your home"

"You're not welcome, leave me alone"

The thorns have scraped her heart, one too many times

May she stop crawlin' back, may she sing this rhyme

Because today, the rose has gone away

~

I can't believe you left me all alone,

this crowd ain't for you, please leave, my precious Circus Rose


Is this a review?


  

Comments



User avatar
366 Reviews

Points: 74829
Reviews: 366

Donate
Mon Apr 29, 2024 3:16 pm
View Likes
RavenAkuma wrote a review...



Hello Again, My Friend!

Firstly, I love the circus theme you're building up here, and how this is becoming a sort of series ~

This was a great follow-up to Circus Freak, too! It adds a more somber atmosphere to the portrayal of the circus, and the mention of the "Circus Freak" having blood on their hands makes it especially eerie. The idea of the Rose being something precious, but also having thorns and hurting her, speaks to the underlying theme of toxic romance mentioned in the first piece, but this one seems to be more about the struggle to get over and away from it, rather than the method or that sense of power and overcoming it all. Which is great, as it's building layers onto this story. Of course, this is just how I could interpret it, I could be way off, because I am not great with these themes (but I'm trying to get better lol).

*ahem, and as for a more technical review...I remember you did request me to try to be more vocal about recommendations I would have, so let's try this again and see how it goes lol.

Again, I struggle to find anything to complain about, because these lyrics are just so cool! The main thing I could point to would be perhaps a touchup on grammar and formatting. For example, "She's" and the possessive "rose's" are missing the apostrophe at some points, lines like "don't come back here, this ain't your home" might be cool italicized to add emphasis and imply an echo effect, and things might flow a bit better if you decide to punctuate your lines. Putting commas or semicolons where lines lead into each other, periods where you want a break, etcetera. But of course, that aspect of lyrical and poetry writing can be pretty subjective so be wary of that.

And of course, I am not a professional, so please always take my advice with a grain of salt.

I really like the flower language going on here. I mean, I don't know if it was intentional, but with the rose (the classic red one anyway) representing love and romance, and the sunflower representing adoration and loyalty, I thought it was really cool that they fit the theme so well.

And for favorite lines, it'd be hard to pick. I really liked the ending of the chorus, with the message for the Rose on her grave, and the thorns scraping her heart "one too many times." That was really cool, and I also enjoyed this bit:

but the thorns really sting, and the [sunflower's] petals soon turned red

Finally she said "that hurts" it was time to crush the rose until she was dead


Again, the idea of a sunflower (adoration and loyalty) turning red, becoming the symbol of romance (in this case, a toxic and painful romance) was a really cool moment of symbolism that I enjoyed.

Overall, great work here, nicely done! :D

Image




AkiraEliza says...


my first song was about someone I used to know, its about the blossom/jester in this one. the rose, on the other hand, is recent.



AkiraEliza says...


although, my third one, Circus Marionette, is strictly about the blossom/jester.



RavenAkuma says...


Ah, okay. Thank you for clarifying ^^



User avatar
1135 Reviews

Points: 271
Reviews: 1135

Donate
Sat Apr 27, 2024 12:59 am
View Likes
vampricone6783 wrote a review...



Hello there, human! I'm reviewing using the YWS S'more Method today!

Shalt we commence with the spooky S’more?

Top Graham Cracker - A broken-hearted woman throws her circus rose away, for she will not live in sorrow forever.

Slightly Burnt Marshmallow - I think that you meant to say “she’s”, but that’s a minor thing.

Chocolate Bar - I love the rhythm that you wrote the song in, the gothic carnival theme, and how it all paints a picture in my mind of how the circus rose is nothing but a bitter memory.

Closing Graham Cracker - Overall, saccharine and sour, the life of the circus is a beautiful but daunting one, and dreams and nightmares can come true.

I wish you a beautiful day/night! :>





Obsessing over what you regret won't get you anywhere.
— Steggy