I used to lose so much sleep, cause losin' you made me feel so weak
Maybe unlike me you weren't a Circus Freak, but bein' up high has gotta be bleak
It's only the real crazy ones that stay true, maybe that's why I lost you
You told me that one day the scars would ache, but thinkin' they ever stopped was your mistake
~
You used to be part of the team, then you turned "normal" and broke my dream...
~
I hope you know that this ain't over yet
But I'll crawl right back like a broken marionette
Someone we know reached out to see what has changed
I told them you sawed my strings and left me deranged
I like me better this way, I've found a circus in your place
Give me your ticket, the marionette show will be on in a minute
~
You never wanted me, I was just a puppet on some strings
But every touch, every word, made me believe
I should have known better to think the anger was real
Why'd you act like I had a heart I could steal?
I'm done tired of flowers, why are they so weak?
I'm scared to know what will happen when my rose won't speak
My circus is downing in numbers one by one
And not one of them ever told me that we were done
~
You used to be part of the team, then you turned "normal" and broke my dream...
~
I hope you know that this ain't over yet
But I'll crawl right back like a broken marionette
Someone we know reached out to see what has changed
I told them you sawed my strings and left me deranged
I like me better this way, I've found a circus in your place
Give me your ticket, the marionette show will be on in a minute
~
Today while talking to a friend, I saw my old jester, flowers in their hair
The strings rubbed against my skin, all were too painful to bear
Marionette ballerinas, dancing in a row
I found their friend, "he cut my strings" and this I told him so
Do not pity the crushed rose, Thou not knoweth whom thy thorns have snared
the clowns have painted smiles on their faces, as if they ever really cared
~
You used to be part of the team, then you turned "normal" and broke my dream...
~
I hope you know that this ain't over yet
But I'll crawl right back like a broken marionette
Someone we know reached out to see what has changed
I told them you sawed my strings and left me deranged
I like me better this way, I've found a circus in your place
Give me your ticket, the marionette show will be on in a minute
~
But I'll always be your marionette...
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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125,005 Literary Works • 672,809 Reviews
Hello Again, My Friend!
This was a great new installment in your circus collection! The very concept of the marionette has so much rich symbolism, and knowing the pretenses with "Circus Freak" and "Circus Rose," it's very fitting. The idea that the conflict is still there, "this ain't over yet," but you're bound by strings to that person is so chilling and speaks to a complex, layered connection between "puppet" and "master of puppets."
- cue Metallica riff (sorry I had to say it XD)
*Ahem, as for a more technical review, I don't have much to complain about. Punctuating the lines may help them flow better, but as I think I mentioned before, that's a very subjective matter when it comes to lyrics and poetry. It's also hard to judge how well lyrics work without a melody to place to them, but I wanted to propose one idea for your chorus. Since the term "marionette" is already used toward its beginning, maybe that final line would be a little more catchy by replacing "marionette" with "puppet"? Less specific, but same gist.
"Give me your ticket, the puppet show will be on in a minute
Just a thought, free to take or leave. And of course, I am not a professional, so please always take my advice with a grain of salt ~
As far as favorite lines go, man, you gave me a challenge with this one. I really like the end of the bridge here:
I love the idea of painted smiles, pretending to care, and that sort of warning with the line on the crushed rose. Very cool ~
I also thought this line tied in really well with your last installments:
The idea of turning "normal" and breaking the dream speaks well, to a betrayal of the "circus" and the narrator by extension.
Overall, another great piece! Nicely done!
eesh, didn't know you could literally write a short story about this thing. I personally think you're giving this one too much credit XD this is probably my worst one. it needs a little work on the consistency.
Lol, that could just be me, it's kind of my thing to seek symbolism in everything XD I even have a thread dedicated to it, if you want to share some of your own themes ~
Sharing Symbolism!
awesome! alright, I might look at it sometime.
Hello there, human! I'm reviewing using the YWS S'more Method today!
Shalt we commence with the mutated S’more?
Top Graham Cracker - The lady has decided that there is more to life, that she can live in a circus of her very own design! ^v^
Slightly Burnt Marshmallow - I think that this song is fine as is, I like the details in the characters.
Chocolate Bar - She seems to be more sure of herself in this song. She’s embracing her inner darkness, and letting her freak flag fly! Always a good thing. :>
Closing Graham Cracker - A circus freak, free to be and exist, to not let the strings carry her down. There’s more to her journey, but she shall see what is on the road!
I wish you an amazing day/night! ^v^