Quint.2.

Hi! Cricket here for a review!

I'm back for another chapter on this, and fortunately I'm not late.

Define terrorism.

They sent us home with that question lurking deep into our minds.

Not usually my style to start a review with a nitpick, but it was really just there and I thought I would mention it before all the rest. Defining terrorism isn't exactly a question in itself, if you just look at it here. Sure, if they told them to define what terrorism is in the other chapter, then obviously this would be technically a question, BUT if you just have it were it sits, the reader is going to thinking, Whaaa? What's going on, because it's not in a question form. So make it into question form, before you say that they sent us home with that question lurking deep in our minds. Which by the way, was a good start for a novel chapter. Very catchy, if I may say so. ^ ^

that there was endless possibilities

I believe it's there were endless possibilities. Was is past tense, not present or future.

Quint headed for his home, his feet dug into the slushy mud beneath him, it rained all day every day

Umm, what? This is quite disjointed and doesn't really make that much sense any which way you slice it. It is, quite possibly, some of your tenses are off in the second element of the sentence, and it's also that the third element does not relate enough to the first two, to be really called part of the sentence. I'd suggest splitting them up and building two stronger sentences from it. Sound good?

The black suit seemed to form away, and it did.

These two separate elements of the sentence seem to be contradicting each other. Either it did form away, or it didn't. There is no seeming to form away.

Throwing it off into the dark distance, he heard the yelping screams, it pierced his soul.

Here's another sentence that is just waay too disjointed. It pierced his soul, does not relate enough to the rest of the sentence to be there! It needs to be put into its own sentence, and then built up on. But great work mentioning his soul, though. Made him seem more human to us, I think, in a way.

Typo

, ripping off their hull

Just a small typo that I found.

Seeing as EscaSkye reviewed before and nitpicked this to death, I'd have to say I'm done with nitpicking for this one.

As we can mainly see from I nitpicked it would your sentence structure here. Or should we say the elements of your sentence. Elements of different sentences are separated by commas, right? And each element has to relate to the other in order for it to be considered complete. So it I was to say, she walked over to the computer, the cat killed a bird in the yard, that wouldn't be a very good sentence! You have pretty decent paragraphing, so go off of what you know there. A single paragraph equals one idea, and it's the exact same with a sentence. One idea, with the different elements of that idea building off the other. Hope that made some sense. If it doesn't, I'll be happy to explain further.

Alright, and as towards the typos. I'd really suggest reading through next time and making sure that you catch most of them. It's understandable if you miss one or two, but there are just way too many here. In order to get some good feedback, besides people pointing out typos, it would be a good idea to run through two or three times and snag them all.

Anyway, I hope this was helpful and please tell me when you post the next chapter of this!

Keep writing!

~Cricket

Hey, Jack! I'm here to give you a review.

All right, I'll do this a little differently from how I normally would. Instead of giving you what I liked about your work first, I'll list down some things you could edit, then end on a good note. That said, let's start.

They sent us home with that question lurking deep into our minds.

You should change the words in blue, as they're in first person, considering everything else is in third.

His dark black curling horns dug into the wall he just lent his head against it.

I noticed you misspelled the one in blue a lot. I believe that you meant to use "leaned" rather than "lent" when you wrote those words in, so a quick edit would fix all of that. As for the one with the strikethrough, you can safely remove it.

The Hybrids colour; black.

I've got two corrections for this one. Don't forget to put the apostrophe between the letters "d" and "s" in "Hybrids". Also, I think the proper punctuation should have been a colon than a semicolon.

The distance city he left behind towered above the sky.

"Distance" should be "distant".

A man was there in the distance, he stood in front of a tank, and another one, the strength of a squadron.

I understood what you meant, but I think you could revise this line to make it a little clearer. By the way, you used "distance" in close proximity, so you can change that up a bit, just so it doesn't quickly become redundant.

He ran, adrenalin bumping through his body...

Whoops! Minor typo there. Don't forget the "e" after "n".

The man was to late though...

Here's another typo I spotted. It should be "too".

As for the last line, I know what you were trying to do, but it kind of just "popped up", if you get what I mean. I think you could add it in more smoothly. Well, that's all for specifics!

Now, for my general opinion, I see a lot of improvement in your writing, Jack. You're getting more descriptive and you leave us with good hooks! Personally, I feel more for Quint than Burrow, the protagonist of your other novel, because though Quint's not exactly human, his problems are relatable. I'm not saying the same isn't true for Burrow, it's just that I find myself feeling more for this character, and that I find it easier to put myself in his shoes.

It was like him, neither this nor that. Half human, half intergalactic, fitting into neither category.

I really like the comparison you did here between his horn color and who he is.

The Humans ruled the sky, the intergalactic ruled space, Hybrids ruled the dirt.

This line is my favorite in this chapter. I could really feel the division among races.

Overall, you're going a great job, Jack! Keep it up and good luck!