(The first chapter is a bit short so I added two)
Burrow Chapter 9
His eyes slowly adjusted to the light, he tried at first to peer through his hands. It was too bright though. He felt like a giant sun was upon, blocking out the chance for him to use his eyesight.
He tried calling out for help, he didn’t seem to get an answer. He just waited lying down, subdued by the bright light.
He felt like all eternity had passed, when the light had turned off. Though this time he was stuck by eternal darkness, he didn’t know where to go, he didn’t know if he was on the edge of a cliff and he could fall of. So he stayed put, hoping that a light would turn on.
Eventually it did, but it was the one from before…
This continued time and time again, he felt like he was going blind. He knew he was being tortured. He knew what they were doing would kill his eyesight one day. That was something that he didn’t want to happen.
It stopped though, he still took time to adjust, and he had been asleep finally. Though when he woke up he wasn’t in the same place as before or at least he was no seated on a chair faced by armed guards with a large muscular looking alien, that had blue scar type stripes on its arm, and a mechanical visor covering its face.
He seemed to be looking at Burrow, though he couldn’t quite tell as, his eyes were covered, for all he knew. That alien thing could be watching the next top alien model.
The visor came up after a while, the face of the alien, was even worse than Burrow had expected. Large horns or claws stuck out under his eyes. He had no idea how they fitted under his helmet. Then he had a mechanical looking kind of mouth. Thinks didn’t add up.
He didn’t know he was looking at a cyborg. The thing seemed to clearing his voice if that was even possible and started to speak. “Identify yourself, please”.
He looked up at the alien then spoke, “John”, he felt like his name might be important, though he didn’t know why. It was more of an instinct, he didn’t remember his past, but some deep down memory had made him do that.
“Why and how you are on our planet, our defence is impassable!” the alien bot man thing said with a stern voice. “Just am I guessing, and obviously your defences aren’t very good”. ‘Thump’ his face swang back as t was punched. The soldier behind the ugly beast had obviously taken offense to that comment, and his commander didn’t mind his reaction.
Burrow started to see the hints that were ever he was things were pretty serious her and he had better start to straighten up, if he ever had a chance of escaping.
The man started to ask random question after random question, which Burrow didn’t know the answers to. He just looked at the thing and shook his head. It was starting to get annoying, and he felt like he was remembering. That he felt like that if he tried something, something that he had felt boiling and burning in his mind for what seemed like the past hour.
He tried to break the chains of with his unknown power, they didn’t move. He tried again they started to rattle this time, though still didn’t break. He had one more chance before the soldiers in front of him would start to notice. He pushed everything into it this time and they snapped.
He didn’t waste time, he pushed forward the air in front of him and he watched as the men flew backwards, they all slammed against the black and soulless wall behind them sending an echo around them room.
To his surprise the commander didn’t seem fly away like them, he slid back though slowly on his feet. Burrow started to realise that he would have a fight on his hands know, and that maybe he would lose…
Burrow Chapter 10
Burrow took a moment and thought of his plan of attack, at first he tried to stop the air in front of him, make it hard for the alien to get to him. That way he could think, and make sure what he did next would work.
In a way his little shield of air worked. Though only for a bit, the thing, the bot alien thing. Had what seemed like super strength, like the equivalent of superman, Burrow didn’t waste any more time thinking and he went ahead with his plan of action.
He stopped the air letting the bot come forth. He raised his hands and got in a fighting stand. It was sought a horrible stance, he knew he wouldn’t win in hand to hand combat, so a diversion was his only plan.
He would fight it out, whilst searching for an exit or a way he could smash his way out. He blocked punch after kick, he felt like he was against a super ninja, except this one didn’t have the ability to get hurt.
He was saw that he was losing, in a matter of minutes there would be more of them storming in ready to restrain him, and take him away.
He reverted to plan B, if all else fails, just go with your instincts. That was exactly what he did. He pulled back for the alien; he looked at Burrow confusingly not knowing what to do next. Burrow let it all out.
He felt the walls around him explode, he saw the alien in front obliterate as he died, he remembered what he said, and he asked how it was possible. Burrow didn’t know it just did.
He found himself surrounded by fallen down wars and dead soldiers surrounding him. He saw in the distance an exit, it was small but it was an exit, he flew towards it.
He felt the objects around him topple over, like all around him flew in a secluded area. He didn’t know how he was doing what he was doing. He just needed to escape from this place of torture, and try and figure out what was going on.
He reached the exit in little less than a minute. He landed at it and slowly walked out making sure he wasn’t caught. He was greeted by scenery that reminded him of well desert. This building there was nothing but it, all around him there was nothing. He was alone, and stuck with nowhere to go.
He did the only thing he could to, call for help was out of option, turn back was out of the option, so he just flew up and tried to see something else in this barren wilderness.
He looked around him, as he hovered around 1000m above the ground. All around there was large brown mountains, and dust, lots of dust. It looked to him as if he was stuck where he was, unless he wanted to get attacked.
He was pondering on this when he remembered something from before, the alien commander had asked him how he had got through their defence, if that was so, there must be something up there, and there was nothing to lose form going and have a look, so he decided he would.
He again found himself in an empty wilderness; though this time he was surprised he could even breathe. He was floating above the planet, it seemed just to be one giant desert, he wondered how something so complex like what he brock out of, could be on such a planet, and were was that great defence system they talked about.
He gave up trying to find the answer and saw nothing better to do then to try and fly to another plant, no matter how long it would take, it was the best option. He flew only for a short time though, all around him eventually he saw plants, they were all in different variety of colours and different sizes, he felt like he was in the middle of a 6 year Old’s painting, except the stars, wow they were amazing.
He felt like he was faint, it was hard to explain but what he saw was amazing. Though there was no time to gawp over it, he was stuck in the middle of space, looking for somewhere to crash.He saw a small planet that reminded him of earth, though it seemed just to be one giant island surrounded by large body of water. Either way there was bound to be some food and a place to bunk down. So he revved his engine and he was off. Well you could but it that way, either way he was of and to his surprise, like everything that was happening he found himself about to surface into the planet in little less than ten minutes.
He though took a bit more time to land on the surface, considering all the ships he had to doge. It was like on earth, of what he could remember. It was like a giant highway except in the sky. He was worried that maybe he would blend in, except he did.
Around him men and women seemed to be flying around, like it was normal. At first he found it odd, like was this a giant race of superman’s, but that was before he noticed the large clouds that seemed to come out the back of them.
They were actually in fact on some sought of jet back. He wished he had one, for a moment, but he remembered he didn’t need it. He hadn’t realised the honking ship for a while, but once he did, he was greeted by a hover thing coming towards him flashing its light’s. Alien police forces tended to be much more improved than that of earths.
He looked down at the large city below him; he knew that he could lose them in the skyscrapers or alleyways. Eventually he would be apple to bunk down for the night and take a rest.
He didn’t waste any more time, he left to hide.
He went forth into the unknown.
End of chapter
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Hey, it's me. So, I've read a few Burrow chapters, but not the ones right before this. However, this gives me a unique perspective. Right from the beginning, I could recognize this as Burrow, even though he felt a bit different. Which means your both keeping his consistent and allowing him to change as the story progresses. *Dances to celebrate Burrow/Jack's masterful characterization*
Things, not thinks.Since I've reviewed you before, I'll try not to just spew the same stuff. Some things I saw in past chapters that I still see in the chapter are the incorrect use of commas, unnecessary thats, and thought verbs. Also it needs more description still. Sometimes you have enough, but this time I still felt like it was lacking.
Here's an example of how to fix some of your punctuation issues.
Right, I think that covers everything. Let me know if you have any questions.
Yeah, I need to go through and edit this more, but thanks for the review!
Hey!!!





Good luck!!! I hope I was helpful!
Ok so chapter nine:
"He felt like a giant sun was upon, blocking out the chance for him to use his eyesight." upon *him* maybe! but leaving it at upon doesnt really sound right!!! :/
"He tried calling out for help, he didn’t seem to get an answer." He didnt seem to get an answer doesnt really fit... just doesnt really sound right! So maybe play with that a little! It doesnt need much tweaking just maybe rearranging the words a little!
"Though when he woke up he wasn’t in the same place as before or at least he was no seated on a chair faced by armed guards with a large muscular looking alien," he was *not* instead of no.
"He had no idea how they fitted under his helmet." *Fit* not fitted!
“Just am I guessing, and obviously your defences aren’t very good”. Im not sure really what you were saying there, but it doesnt sound right! Just look at it and see what you can do!
"Burrow started to see the hints that were ever he was things were pretty serious her and he had better start to straighten up, if he ever had a chance of escaping." *Here* not her!
And Chapter ten!
"he pulled back for the alien;" * from* instead of for!
"He found himself surrounded by fallen down wars and dead soldiers surrounding him." To me having surrounded and surrounding in the same sentence is repetitive! So I would take out the last one!
"This building there was nothing but it, all around him there was nothing." I cant pick out what exactly but this does not flow. Just look at it and see what you can do to change the wording a little!
"He was floating above the planet, it seemed just to be one giant desert, he wondered how something so complex like what he brock out of, could be on such a planet, and were was that great defence system they talked about.:" *Broke* instead or brock... and *Defense* not defence!
"Well you could but it that way, either way he was of and to his surprise, like everything that was happening he found himself about to surface into the planet in little less than ten minutes." The very first part of this doesnt sounds right...:/ just look at it and see if you can tell if it was just typo's. And then *off* to replace "of"
"He though took a bit more time to land on the surface," Doesnt really flow, check it out!
"considering all the ships he had to doge." *dodge* instead of "doge"
"He was worried that maybe he would blend in, except he did." This kinda seems an odd way to finish the sentence. Play around with it a little!
"They were actually in fact on some sought of jet back." *pack* instead of back. (unless you meant back...:/ but it didnt seem to make sense to me.) and then *sort* instead of sought!
"Eventually he would be apple to bunk down for the night and take a rest." *able* not apple...
Sounds really good to me! I enjoyed reading it! I dont read sci-fi much so this was an interesting twist for me! I enjoyed it though. And Im looking forward to reading farther.
Thanks fro all the suggestions!