He had been there for who knows how long. Time after time he was questioned for answers he did not know. His captors were on there last string.
A small alien thing walked into the room, it reminded Burrow of a dwarf. Small, though you wouldn't mess with it. The dwarf had a large man behind him, a gruesome looking mercenary. The alien dwarf stopped in front of Burrow. His eyes studied him from left to right.
"Vincent, please tell our guest what we do to liars". The large man stepped forward raising his left hand. He pulled it back momentarily as he prepared to beat the crap out of Burrow.
The torture continued for what seemed a life time. Burrow was sick and tired of it, sick and tired of being treated like a punching back, for something he didn't understand.
The man raised his knife, preparing to slowly rip layer after layer of skin off Burrow's arm. He wanted Burrow to watch as the bloodied skin curled up Burrow's arm, as the flesh pealed away like an orange.
Burrow wouldn't let that happen.
He hadn't resisted before, letting them torture him. He hadn't used his powers. He didn't understand them, he didn't know how to control them.
It was as if his emotions were at their peak then they would work. Then and only then.
Frustration and confusion can be very powerful.
He blocked the moving hand of the mercenary as he lifted the weapon. The force of the moving Gravity winded Vincent and sent him flying back, half knocking over the dwarf alien as well as the two security personnel behind him. The screams of shock ran through the room. It awakened part of his lost memory and awakened his anger and his grief.
He snapped his restraints and he stood up from the chair. He turned his arm around slowly, starting to realise the extent of his bruising. A large intruding purple patch started to invade his arm.
He surged forward, walking up to the Dwarf. He lent down and swung him up by the collar of his shirt. He let go of him. For a second he stayed in mid air between the ground and the ceiling. Burrow pushed his emotions out and made the alien fly backwards. He herd a loud snap as the alien's body slammed against the wall and his neck broke.
The rest of the soldiers in the room had only just started to regain control of there senses and surged forward to Burrow. He didn't let them continue running towards him. He swept gravity forward, knocking them off there feet sending them all away to the same future as their leader.
He had escaped.
End of chapter
Continue to next chapter Burrow.6.Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
139,534 Literary Works • 672,600 Reviews
Hey Jack!
I've returned for your fifth chapter. It appears I'm slowly catching up. Though I know you've already got a bunch of unpublished chapters you're working on.
Alright, at the end of the previous chapter, Burrow was actually caught. And now he's being questioned and tortured for information. That's pretty neat. You find a way to force him into using his powers.
However, I'm not really feeling the urgency behind him using the powers though. I'll get back to this later.
Then, and I've said this before; I want to know more. You describe very little of what is going on, what the location is and so on. In this part, all I know is that he's been taken to some sort of room after his surrender. I have no idea what this room is or what it looks like. Same goes for the aliens, I can't picture them. Though I slightly enjoyed the alien dwarf.
Your chapters have gotten slimmer and slimmer down the line, and there's so much you can add to them.
Overall, there's not much else I'd comment on. I like interrogation scenes, so this was an okay chapter. Lastly, despite its short length, I actually found a decent amount of grammatical errors, including typos and issues with punctuality in this part. I'll go over those as well.
Alright, I'll write as I go along:
Edit
Common typo problem. You do this several times, so I'll go over it. Easy to handle once you master it.
They're - They are
There - Location, ie here or there
Their - Possessive adjective
Edit
Replaced the comma with a semicolon.
Suggestion
More common. Plus I sort of like it better.
So, I guess this is the first time we see aliens actually communicating with Burrow. Or in the entire story so far for that matter. This again just brings up that I'd like to know where we are. And at least some more backstory on these guys. Are we on Earth? Did the aliens establish a foothold on the planet and that is why Burrow was living in the complex? Or, are we on some space station of some sort? Maybe they colonized the Moon? I don't know.
Edit
Added a comma.
Edit
Added a word. And 'lifetime' is one word.
Edit
Quick typo. I might also have slapped a period on it and changed the last part to; 'All for something he didn't understand.'
Where did the knife come from?
Edit
Another quick typo.
Suggestion
I'd rearrange this entire line. The original didn't read right.
Alright, now we're at this part I mentioned earlier. He didn't use his powers? Why not? They only work when he's frustrated or confused? Well, he used the powers earlier, and he didn't seem confused nor frustrated. Heck, why didn't he use the powers earlier? He was obviously confused, seeing as they were keeping him and questioning him about stuff he didn't know about.
I just didn't buy it.
I'm unsure as to how you're using 'gravity' in this sentence. And why is it capitalized?
Did he surge forward or did he walk forward?
Edit
Quick typo.
Edit
Another one. Sloppy.
Edit
Went over this one earlier, happened again.
Edit
And one last one. You could really use a good proofread of your writing.
Alright, that's pretty much what I've got. I like parts of the story you've got going on, but I'd really want a lot more of it. And despite them being quite short right now, there's actually a lot of grammar you need to work on.
But all in good time! I'll check out your following chapters as soon as I can.
Keep it up, Jack!
Cheers
Birkhoff
Thanks for the review, ill get to those mistakes soon, as for why I don't explain much, Burrow is a bit out of it and so I make it feel like that, but I agree that I should add more.
Wow! I think this is my favorite chapter so far! I loved the way you described the dwarf, small but you don't want to mess with them. So true. And the way you described his skin being peeled like an orange, yeesh! But great, I finally got the description I'd been waiting for.
This is an incorrect use of a comma. When you connect too dependent clauses, meaning two clauses that can stand on their own, you need a comma and a conjunction, like "Instead letting them..." or "but let them..." something like that.However, I still have comments.
Note: Sometimes I play with comma rules in writng. So if you, as an author, really want sentences to be phrased a certain wayi, I understand. But you should still know if you're breaking a rule. xD
Also, there's an extra space between hand't and resisted.
This is awkwardly worded, rephrase.
I would really like to know what memories it awoke, and I think it's okay for you to slow down and let us inside your character's head a little bit here. To use those favorite words, show us his returned memories rather than just telling us he got them. Think of a movie, maybe Bourne Legacy. He lost all his memory, but they can't just tell us when he gets them back. They have to show us the memory he's getting, like a flashback, and then show him reacting to that memory. In writing we have to do the same thing to really make our novels stand out.
I'm really start to love your writing style. it's unique, fresh, and engaging. It still needs some development, but as writers were always developing on our voices. Always listen to the reviews I or others give you, but be aware of what makes your writing special and powerful and stay true to that.
Right. Cheesy moment over. Thanks for writing!
-Art
Thanks for this review it really helped me, ive been working on grammar with my dad, and I am slowly getting better!!
Parents are great resources, have of what I know about writing I learned form my mom. xD
Wow, it just keeps getting better and better.
I found it cool how you have that his powers are controlled by his emotions. And I that he had forgotten how to use them, although that was a bit unclear in the last chapter. But other then that this story has been great.
Can't wait for more.
~Nikki
Thanks, I plan to write some more this afternoon.
Yay! This will be my bedtime reading. I've got to be quick, so here's a little review for you..
I like the time lapse inbetween chapters, it isn't awkward for the reader at all. Plus, it shows the disorientation of Burrow.
Their* You've done this quite a lot. There is a place. Their is people possessing something.
Look over the chapter for sentences like these, I noticed you did it a few times. You don't need a comma in the middle of these types of sentences.
Off* his arm.
That's some pretty intense imagery you've got there! Good job on writing that.
Yay! He's escaped!! Look over those nit picks I've typed up, otherwise great job.
Thanks for the review, ill get to fixing those as soon as I can.