I have a scar across my face and it hurts. Its deep roots feel like it is knocking on the door of my animal like brain. My brother told me to get over it, its been a year he retorted when I complained. His dark soul doesn't understand how I feel. He is to busy ripping apart humans at his wish. His black coat of fur; it shows the truth, the reality.
I don't have a name, none of us do. We are the lost, we say we have family; we only say, we don't speak the truth.
I run on my emotions. That's what they teach to us, our leaders. Whom they say we follow them for they are the elders, the ones who will save us. I try and protest, I say I am not like them.
I am different among the different. I don't settle in with the humans, nor do I settle within my species. I have family yes, I don't have family who cares.
Why else do I have a scar across my face?
They send us off the streets, away into the mountains above. Or they kill us, any which way they can to take us of their hands. We are not perfect, I respond to the elders when I am told this. They preach their hate for humans. They send us to kill our ancestors, because of what the humans did.
We are not perfect, we are the Tronlin after all.
They say we don't sleep, they speak of us as if we are animals with human minds.
They say we don't cry, they speak of us as if we are dangerous with the ability to kill.
Can a human kill, or is it always a good act, for which a human kills a Tronlin.
I only respond to our haters, to our elders wit this. I am not a Tronlin, I am not a human. I am he, the one that does not fret nor fear, the one who is alone, but the one whom is a warrior.
I am Me, They call me a bear, they call me a tiger, they call me a horse. Perhaps I am all.
But I am Me, and they will remember me.
I am Me.
End of chapter
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139,527 Literary Works • 672,599 Reviews
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
First Impression: Well...this was a pretty intriguing prologue, there were several things going on here that certainly seem like they'd make for a pretty cool plot. The one thing I would say right off the bat is that there appears to be a lot of problems being presented and random times but there doesn't seem to be much of a single unified problem and that is a bit confusing there.
Anyway let's get right to it,
Well, that's quite a start there, certainly looks like there's some pretty bad stuff going on there with the tone that is written in. Definitely gets your attention right away at the start of a prologue...there...and the black coat of fur certainly seems to be referencing even more mysterious things there...
Hmm...well that seems like some kind of secret group almost there, that live in the shadows and seem to controlled by some pretty interesting sounding leaders there. Either that or this is some sort of alternate reality where humanity has been through some pretty tough stages to end up in a situation like this.
Well that seems quite normal for a protagonist in a situation like this. It always appears to be someone that doesn't quite fit in with either place....well it certainly does make things interesting to see..especially how it all is supposed to be tied into a scar there somehow...this is certainly getting more and mysterious the further it goes.
Okay...well, that's not exactly a very good situation to be in. It looks like there's just a lot of killing going on there all around and that's just generally a terrible situation but well, this is certainly a lot of intriguing lore here and it appears our protagonist is caught in the middle of a pretty bad situation here.
Well, humans marking other animals that way is usually how these things tend to go down and it appears this story reflects that one. Oh well...on the other hand this does appear to be unique as far as whose involved and how they deal with it, so I'm definitely curious as to see how this world is structured here.
Well, that's certainly getting right to the point of how humans can judge those things unfairly but well, that seems like an entirely different point to what this person was trying to raise earlier so this is a tiny bit confusing here.
Okay...well, this is certainly quite intriguing here....bear and tiger I kinda of understand but horse definitely took me by surprise...and well...that's a lovely an vague ending for a prologue there...certainly makes you want to try and find out more here to see what's happening.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
Overall: Overall, this was a fun read here, but once again I have to say this is not the clearest thing when it comes to exactly what its trying to convey here. I feel like it needs to get a bit more ironing out with regards to exactly what mystery its trying to bring across here...and focus on that rather than having a lot of mysterious points thrown into one spot that don't necessarily come off as connected to each other.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
Holy Crap. Dude, This is seriously good. The imagery that this gave to me almost gave me chills. It is a wonderful blend of Sorrow, eventual confidence, and a hint of coming adventure. maybe not exactly like that, but I don't even know how to describe that. very beautiful, and I encourage you to continue, want to read more. A+
Thanks a heap!!
This is very interesting. You just have a few grammatical mistakes but it looks like the others pretty well pointed them out. Just to let you know, you are a really talented writer. I love your ideas that you have. One thing that I realized was that at the end it kind of turned into a poem. Not a bad thing and it can be fixed easily but I figured you'd want to know. Loved it a lot. Great job! Big thumbs up...no double thumbs up =)
Yeah it is kind of like a prologue poem think, to a novel I will be dong:)
Well I really like it! It was very interesting. =D
Okay. This is interesting. However, you are plagued by run-on sentences. Fear not, for you can conquer them with mighty semicolon. See?
"We are not perfect, we are the Tronlin after all."
That is a run on. When I put I semicolon in there, it becomes a better sentence.
"We are not perfect; we are the Tronlin after all."
That flows WAYYYY better. You could also make them into separate sentences, like so.
"We are not perfect. We are the Tronlin, after all."
I'm sorry if I'm going on about this, it was just one of the most recurring issues. I loved the rest of your work, and how you describe both the Tronlin and the hatred towards them.
One more thing. At times, this did read a bit more like a poem then a novel. That's not too much of a problem, but you may have to change the style a little if you plan on continuing this.
Thankyou
Heya there Jack! Let's see. I am not the person who can give you the best review but I'm doing this with all my heart (Yeah, it's true. I love doing this, to build people and not break them of course). So here is what I think about what you have awesomely written here.
THINGS TO IMPROVE:
First: You missed something in the 3rd line "too busy" became "to busy" (I think it is a
typographical error)
Second: In 2nd paragraph you have there "we say we have [a] family" (You might want
to try adding the "a" there)
Third: You kept missing the "a" before the word family. Is it on purpose for art's sake or
you just really overlooked it?
THINGS I REALLY LIKED. LIKE I REALLY LIKED OR LOVED (AWESOME!):
First: I like the term which you've used for the inhuman specie "Tronlin"
Second: It's awesome how you come up with a specie which does not only represent a
kind of animals like wolves and the likes but you had different kinds of animals
associated with your out-of-this-human world specie.
Third: Oh that emotion that you showed, the one where humans judge the Tronlins a
lot even if they don't really know them. Awesome!
Fourth: The uniqueness that you've given that one of the unnamed Tronlins, it's so
cool. Being in the neutral area (although it's sort of common to this kind of
stories). Still it's great.
Fifth: I'll really remember this. It went straight right to my brain: "I am Me, and they
will remember Me."
There you have it! It's what my brain thinks and what my heart wants to say. One word for your work friend, one word:
A W E S O M E!!!
Thanks for the review!!