The Progeny : Chapter 4

by MissGangamash

Published September 2, 2014

16+ Language Violence Mature Content

In The Progeny (Novel)

Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for language, violence, and mature content.

Evie was shocked awake by an echoing bang and a harrowing scream. She smacked her hand to her chest the way a human would when their heart was pounding. It was just a habit now.

She rubbed her eyes and looked ahead to where the disturbing sounds were coming from. The albino vampire was still in hibernation. It was the vampire in the neighbouring cell that was kicking up a fuss. Evie gasped at the sight and curled back into the wall.

The vampire was thrashing around, screaming and smacking into the wall. He was clawing at himself, spilling blood over the floor. His short, black hair was now a dank mess on his head and his pale face was smeared with blood like tribal marks.

His eyes were completely black and the hollows under them were thick with spidery purple veins. Evie had seen that look before. That manic, possessed look that chilled her to her very bones. It was the look of the Rage.

Everyone knew of that look ever since 2020, when vampires were ‘outed’. Humans feared for their lives, naturally, and so the authorities had come up with an idea. They had tried to alter the vampire’s dietary needs and make them hunger for animal blood instead. This had worked for about a six months. Vampires were given blood from butchers and lived amongst the humans as if they were part of them, happy to be no longer seen as a threat. But then the Rage kicked in. Even the vampires hadn’t seen it coming. No one had attempted to change their diet before and so they had no idea what affect it would have, and how viciously the real hunger would fight back.

One by one, vampires were consumed by the Rage and lost complete control of their bodies to the hunger. They killed without thought, pulled humans apart on the streets, almost destroyed houses trying to get inside. The humans that had already invited a vampire into their homes had no chance. Towns were wiped out. Some vampires even scrambled out in daylight in hope to feast and went up in flames in the attempt.

Caius had noticed the Rage taking over and had sent himself and Evie into the basement of their house. He had compelled a human to tie them up in chains of silver and return in ten months to release them. It had been risky. The human could have died and the two of them would have been down there until they were found. The pain of the silver had sent them into hibernation, and when the human came back, the Rage was over. Due to their severe lack of blood, Caius and Evie had killed the human on the spot. But it was better to have been her than half of the town.

The authorities had taken charge. When Caius and Evie resurfaced, Dial-a-bite buildings were already in place and blood rations were being handed out from hospitals. The real hunger was sated and had been kept under control ever since.

Evie cringed and hissed when the Raged vampire wrapped his hands around the silver bars and started rattling them as they burned into his skin. He howled in pain and fury, snapping his fangs at the sleeping albino in the neighbouring cell.

“You were like that.”

Evie jumped and turned to Sophie who had dragged herself a little closer but still lay slumped against the back wall. Her pale hair hid half her face but Evie could tell she was looking at her.

“What?” she asked.

“The other night…after Nico injected you…you were like that…” Her head rolled over her shoulder, gesturing to the Raged vampire.

She winced at the thought. “So, I’m guessing he was just here?”

“Yeah…went a few minutes ago. Doesn’t like to stay for long after his serums take effect.” She laughed bitterly but ended up gargling blood.

“Is there a specific system? Does he come on a regular basis?” Evie paused as the Raged vampire let out another shrill cry as he tore open his business shirt. She looked at him with disgust and turned back to Sophie. “Is there some sort of pattern when it comes to him choosing who to…inject?” Evie asked.

“Not really…Takes him a while to create the stuff. I don’t know how he chooses who he’s going to test them on. I think it’s to do with…age. But how he finds out how old a vampire is…I don’t know. He can’t always take a vampire’s word for the…truth.”

“How old are you?” Evie asked. “In human and vampire years.”

Sophie sent her a sad smile. “Was Turned…when I was fourteen. Lived for sixty-two years since.”

“Has your Maker not tried to find you? Surely they’ve felt your pain?”

“I was released…he was only a new-born himself…didn’t understand the responsibility of being a Maker…”

Evie frowned. Her gut felt hollow at the thought of being released. It must be such a smack in the face. Her sympathy for Sophie was growing by the minute. She was completely without hope, just waiting to die. And with Caius stuck in here along with her, maybe Evie was the same. All three of them were going to die in this crazy doctor’s basement.

The Raged vampire tired himself out after a while and dropped into the bloody floor in a heap. When he woke, he gasped and wept into his hands.

“Not been here long…” said Sophie, “…few days before you.”

Evie could tell he was new to this place. He was still well filled out, unlike Sophie who looked like she was nearly falling apart. Evie thought of how she would rather die. Would she rather die quickly by injection or slowly dwindle into unending hibernation? She looked to the albino in front of her and noticed he still hadn’t moved. That wasn’t an effect of Nico’s special serum. That was the effect of months without blood, animal or human. What was he still doing here? Was Nico going to feed him and start all over again? The thought made her shudder.

She turned to Sophie to ask how long he had been hibernating but she was sleeping with her head against her shoulder. Evie’s gut twisted. Had she joined him? Was she to sleep forever or was she just tired? Was she faking it like when Nico was around? Sophie was the closest thing she had to a friend in this Hell and the thought of her being nothing but an empty shell made her feel empty too.

Evie’s eyes widened and she jumped to her feet at the sound of a door clanging open. The familiar click of heels made her step as close to the bars as she could without being burned.

Then she caught sight of him and her blood went cold.

He studied the vampire he had sent into the Rage, curling up on the floor. “Hello? Are you okay?”

There was no response so he sighed and turned around, catching sight of Evie with her wide, pleading eyes on him.

He smiled so wide it crinkled his eyes and he pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose. “Well, hello there. Feeling better? When I came earlier, you were like him.” He stuck his thumb to the sleeping vampire. He clasped his hands behind his back and strolled over to her. That’s when she noticed the bum bag attached to his hip and it made her insides cringe. That must be where he keeps his bottles, she thought.

His grey eyes squinted at her. “How are you feeling tonight?”

“Tired,” she replied.

He half frowned. “Yes, that tends to happen.”

“Let me see my Maker,” she demanded, yet her voice wasn’t as sharp as she wanted it to be.

Nico rolled his eyes with a sigh. “God, you have a one-track mind.”

“Please.” She went to grasp onto the bars pleadingly but thought against it just in time. “I need to see him. I know he’s alive. But he’s been in here over a week. He might not make it much longer. Please, just let me see him.” The pull between Caius and Evie was always strong, even when they were countries apart. But now it was starting to dwindle, like a flame dying out, and he was within reach. He was either in hibernation or heading that way soon. She tried to keep hold of their eye contact long enough to compel him to do her bidding but Nico seemed to know what she was doing and quickly averted his gaze.

“I’ll think about it,” he said, sounding disinterested. “But I didn’t come down here for you.” He spun on his heel and walked to the front of Sophie’s cell. Something flared up within Evie, strong and urgent, like a sort of maternal instinct to protect.

She crossed her cell and stared at Nico through the bars and glass. He opened the door and stepped into the space between the glass and silver bars before Sophie.

“Nico. Leave her. She’s been through enough,” pleaded Evie.

Nico laughed. “Even in hibernation they are useful. The serum’s still take effect.” He took out a bottle from his bum bag and slotted it into place in the machine. He then flicked the twitch and Evie watched in horror as the liquid began to travel down the tube and into Sophie’s ankle.

Suddenly, as if yanked up by imaginary strings, Sophie wailed and convulsed forwards in a jittery motion like she was being electrified. She clawed at the needle in her ankle and pulled it out but it was clearly too late. Whatever Nico had pumped into her, it was working fast. And with that in mind, he quickly stepped through the glass door and slammed it shut.

Sophie was writhing on the floor, her bony legs kicking and her arms stretching for something to grasp. She crawled to her knees and started gasping, clawing at her neck. Her bleary, brown eyes stared absently at the ceiling, and with one last screeching wail, she started to combust. Her skin started to sink inwards, bubbling blood. She cried and threw her arms out as she exploded and splattered like a tomato in a microwave.

Evie threw her arms over her face to shield herself but none of the goo came flying her way.

She dropped her arms and blinked, horrified.

So that’s what the glass was for.

The glass separator that stood in front of her was now covered in bloody pulp. It oozed down onto the floor leaving smears behind. Beyond it, after the clumps had slipped onto the floor, she could see the remains of Sophie’s summer dress still in the centre of the cell within a big heap of slopping gore.

Trembling, she turned to Nico who still stood behind the red smeared glass, frowning.

“Y-you’re a monster,” she spluttered.

He arched an eyebrow and turned to her. “No. I’m trying to fix the monsters.”

“B-but…you killed her.”

He sighed. “One must first be alive to be killed.”

Evie gritted her teeth and sprung to her feet. “She was alive! She was a nice person and you killed her!”

“She wasn’t a person. She was a vampire,” Nico countered.

Evie dropped back onto the floor, feeling like she had no energy to argue. She tucked her knees close to her chest and hugged them. Hot tears ran down her cheeks.

Nico inspected the mess in the neighbouring cell. “Don’t worry. I’ll send my men to clean this up.” And with that said, he left.

Evie clutched her vest and pushed herself along the bloody floor until her back smacked against the back wall. She curled up on herself and cried, hot, messy tears. Sophie was dead. This all suddenly felt very, very real. And one thing was for certain, Evie was going to die in here, too.

Her own death wasn’t her concern. It was her Maker’s. He shouldn’t have to die alone. Not without at least a goodbye.

For what felt like hours, Evie sat there on the cusp of sleep but never actually going under. She couldn’t relax enough to let her eyes droop closed. But her body was loose and heavy, wanting to give up. Her mind had gone from reeling to clouded emptiness. She felt numb.

She didn’t even flinch when the doors banged open and footsteps echoed through the room. Many footsteps. And they were heavy and clunky, not like Nico’s which were almost musical.

She shifted her eyes to the side and watched as three men dressed in white all-in-one overalls and goggles went into Sophie’s cell with jet washers, cloths, buckets and other cleaning equipment. Evie’s stomach knotted and the feeling seemed to kick start her. She bounced up to her feet as they started setting up, dragging the wires through the glass panelling and plugging them in at the thin strip of wall between the cells.

“Hey!” Evie called but she was ignored.

One of the men got to his knees in the centre of the cell and started to shovel the bloody mess and Sophie’s summer dress into the bucket.

“Hey!” Evie called again. “I know there is no point in asking if you will let me out of here but could you please just take me to my Maker? That’s all I want. I will happily stay here and die after that. I just want to say goodbye.” She wiped her cheeks with the backs of her hands and sniffed. “Please. Just let me say goodbye.”

But it was no use. She might as well have been on a different plain.

She dropped back onto the floor and watched in silence as they hosed down the glass walls, scrubbed off the bloody smears left behind, and collected all the bloody pulp scattered across the floor. When they were finished, they took their things, locked up and left, never looking back.

Comments & reviews · 4
User avatar
megsug
Review
megsug wrote a review Review · Feb 15, 2016

Heyo~
This was some of the best description of gore I've read in a long time. I didn't feel like it was overdone, but you weren't shy. We got hit with the impact but it wasn't distasteful. Very skillful. Good job.

That being said I don't really know Sophie enough to care that she just died. Like, the way she died was horrific, but she was just introduced a chapter ago. My attachment isn't strong enough for her death to mean much. I'm trying to decide what her role was at all because she wasn't around long enough for Evie to form much of an attachment to. To me, Evie shows natural horror at the events, but there's no reason for her to have more of a reaction so she doesn't. Sophie seems to be a disposable way to inform the readers of what's going on in Nico's basement. That seems like the easy way out.

Also the simile to the tomato in the microwave was the only thing wrong with your entire description. It's a little funny, a little hard to picture immediately, and it takes away from the set of events you set up so well.

The last thing is such a nitpick, it barely matters, but why would the clean up men be dressed in white? It would get stained so easily!

I do like how you ended the chapter, with this picture of Evie curled up against a wall, entirely alone. Very haunting ending to the chapter. Impressive.

I'll hit the next chapter soon,
Megs~

I don't shy away from a bit of gore! Haha.

You weren't supposed to have an emotional attachment to Sophie. She was just to show the severity of Evie's situation. Sophie was her only sort-of friend and Evie just watched her get splattered. Now she thinks herself and Caius have the same fate. The tomato analogy was another bit of dark humour, Evie's a vampire and is used to gore so watching someone explode yes is still super gross but wouldn't be as horrific if say, you saw it. That's why she just compared her to a fruit.

Haha, White is just very clinical. Like with the white walls.

Thanks for your feedback :)

User avatar
Deanie
Review
Deanie wrote a review Review · Feb 1, 2016

Hey Miss Ganga!

Deanie's back again with a very mini review for you this time. I basically loved everything about this chapter and didn't really take too many notes, so I don't have that much to say. You've definitely furthered the novel in this one, and seeing Sophie die was a touch that rammed into the author how difficult and unlikely her chances of survival are going to be in this place. It was a pretty graphic but great way to bring across Nico's message here!

What I find a little iffy is that even though Nico seems to be the main character here, I feel like I know more about the character that went into a rage than him at the moment. I can see why, seeing as he isn't telling us too much about himself. But I want to know - is it the government funding this, or just one rich person who wants vampires gone? I do like the chilling feeling we get from his character - it's obvious to us all that he truly doesn't care about vampires in the slightest.

The Rage is an interesting addition to the vampires well, being vampires. Some people accept vampires on animal blood but it seems like human blood is really needed here and I like that the humans already considered that alternative and had it back fire on them.

Other than wanting a little more insight into Nico and all, I don't think there is more I can say. You're doing great with this. I have no writing style things that could be mentioned, and no setting/descriptions I could ask of you either.

Gonna be reading more later on today <3

Deanie x

Hello again :)

Nico is supposed to be an enigma at the moment, with his only popping by every now and again. He's never really around long enough to get any sort of grasp as to what his real deal is. It is all intentional because if you put yourself in Evie's shoes, the less you know about your captor, the more on the edge you are.

I'm glad you like the idea of the Rage, I felt like there really needed to be a pinnacle moment that caused society to change so dramatically. It also fleshes out a few later characters.

Thanks for the review ^_^

User avatar
Sonder
Review
Sonder wrote a review Review · Sep 12, 2014

Hey there, MissGangamash!
I realized that I've only left you one review, and I am really sorry for that. I have been faithfully following your story, and am guilty of little time and laziness. I apologize. I can go back and review the first few chapters I missed if you want, but I felt that they had plenty of feedback. So let me know if you want me to! :) Onto my review!

General Notes: You are doing awesome with character and plot development. The world you created is slowly clicking into place, but I am slightly disappointed that after you went so far as to create a vampire world, Evie is now stuck in a stupid cell with little description to bother with. That makes me sad, because you did so well with her normal life descriptions. But I'm sure you won't let me down. It also shows I care a lot about where you go with this! :)

Nitpicks: Before I start this, lemme say: SOPHIE. NO! WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS TO ME WHYYYYYYYY?! *sobs and pounds floor hysterically*
*calms self* It's all good. Just... awww man. :(

Okaaay. So I agree with all that Biscuits said, so I'm not gonna repeat that. I saw no grammar or spelling errors, so this is content stuff here!

I feel that the little detour into the past explaining the Rage was a very good detail for the reader, but it did seem to pop up out of the blue. It was relevant, yes, and I can't seem to think of somewhere else to place it, but it seemed a bit info-dumpy at the beginning of the chap, if you know what I mean? I may just be being weird here, so don't listen to me. XD

I'm a bit confused on how long Sophie was there. A few weeks before Evie? The times are getting blurred in my head, because there is no mention of sun and whatnot, and Evie keeps passing out or sleeping. Maybe make it clear that she is uncertain, or mention the time? It would just help me feel less up in the air.

Okay. Nico kidnapped Evie and is killing her friends and lovers left and right. She isn't a weakling, and I know she is frightened out of her mind, but I think she should hate Nico's guts like mad. She should be railing on him and begging to see Caius. Not to mention Sophie's death ( :'( ) should have caused more of a reaction. She should be more hysterical, incomprehensible, angry beyond belief. A few curse words, at least, maybe. I mean, Sophie was her only friend, and Nico just killed her out of cold blood (heh, see what I did there?). If I was in Evie's place, I would be so shocked I would be unable to form words. I feel like more emotions would go a long way. This is a major death of a character we have been watching for a chapter and a half. She may not be a main character, but she was sweet and the readers grow to care about her just as much as Evie did. Think about that. :)

SOPHIE NOOOOOO! *cries quietly* The feeeeeeeels. You weren't joking, man. That was bad. I mean good. But horrible. Well-written. I hated it and loved it. DX
I do think that you could draw her death out even a bit more, though. Maybe a last word to Evie, and bit more suffering so the reader gets the idea before BAM. She exploded. Ewwwww that's gross and argh I want to strangle Nico. >.<

I would think Evie would be unable to look at her friend's disgusting remains, but you got a little passive with her voice at the end about them cleaning her up. Evie, again, seemed distant, and I needed some more emotions to grasp onto.

I also think Nico would be a bit disappointed that it didn't work. I'm not sure what it was supposed to accomplish, but did he just murder her because he felt like it? He's playing scientist, so I think he would want some results. He's not trying to kill all the vamps, he's trying to "fix" them, so Sophie was obviously not the plan. Maybe he could look a little annoyed, or frustrated that he would have to get more "resources". I dunno. He just seemed more sadistic in previous chapters, and in this one he was just...there. I guess I want more of Nico. MORE NICO. I love a good villain, and you can make him better in this chapter. :)

I also think that the ending could be more final, like Evie struggling to come to terms with being unable to see Caius and Sophie's death. Again, more emotion. Don't worry about long chapters if it has to do with thoughts and description. Trust me, people will tell you if it is too much, and right now you need more! This is so good, I'm trying to help make it even better.

Sorry for being so picky, but this is honestly really good for me! I am only being harsh because I know this can be even more amazing that it already is. ;)

Praises! I loved how you started with her grabbing her "heart". Haha, yessss.

I enjoyed the background information on the Rage. That is a very interesting idea, and explains why so many people would fear the vampires. I also really liked getting a time period (years past 2020), but that also raises questions about other technology people have in this period of the future? Maybe techy stuff went out of fashion, but so far I'm noticing a lack of Smart Phone obsession, Google glass, you know. It may just be me being weird and nitpicky, but maybe Nico has some cool gadgets other than needles? ^-^

The blood tears still delight me. I dunno why. XD

SOPHIE WAAAAAAAA! She is a praise as well as a nitpick because I love a good death as much as a good charaacter goshdarnit.

You are doing pretty great with character development! I'm gushing (not blood) cuz this was an amazing experience. Keep going, I absolutely gotta see Chapter 5! *scurries away to see what happens!*

Keep writing and being amazing!

~Night

Hellloooo! Sorry for the late reply, I've been on holiday.

No need to go back and review the old chapters, unless there are things you really want to point out :) You've made you for your slack with these hefty reviews! Haha.

Yep! Sophie got splattered! I warned you about the feels!

I know the Rage bit was info-dumpy but you've gotta have a bit of that to explain things that have happened in the past. As long as it doesn't happen all the time and different methods are used, I see no problem with it popping up on occasion. I promise you it doesn't happen a lot :)

The uncertainty about time is deliberate. As you said, with no sun it's impossible to tell. Even Sophie doesn't know how long she's been in there for but her clothes give the impression she%u2019s been there for a few months seeing as though she%u2019s dressed for summer and the novel is set in winter. Also, judging by the state of her, you can only guess it was for a very long time. Sophie also explains to Evie that it takes Nico a few days to come up with a new serum, and he%u2019s been down to the basement twice so Evie must have been down there for at least 2-3 days. I'll go back and see if I can make that clearer.

Evie is just numb. The lack of emotion is also deliberate so I'm actually glad you picked up on that XD Just sort of bad that it comes up under nitpicks :P Of course Evie is scared, she has no idea what's going to happen to her and she just saw a vampire explode, but she is a vampire and they express fear differently to humans. She has no heartbeat and she doesn't really breath. Thumping hearts and panicked breaths are what humans experience. Vampires just shut down and go numb. Sophie's death didn't affect her as much as you say because she wasn't necessarily anything to Evie. Sure, Sophie was a nice person to talk to in a bad situation but the only person in the world Evie actually really cares about it Caius. She cares about him more than herself, that's why she is asking Nico and those cleaner men to see him, not to let her free. She doesn't care about getting out. She doesn't necessarily care about dying. All she cares about is seeing Caius before she does die, to make sure he's not alone in his last days. That's what it means to be a Progeny and its expressed throughout this novel. She puts him before herself. So when she's afraid, she's afraid for him. You've got to get your head around the fact that you can't really put yourself in Evie's shoes and think 'well, that's not how I would react', because she's a vampire and you%u2019re human. Death to Evie isn't that surprising to see. It was a shock, but not shocking enough for her to go ape-shit. She's been alive for 100 years. She's seem some stuff :P

And again, she is supposed to be distant. She%u2019s just numb. And Sophie%u2019s death was supposed to be a quick %u2018BAM! %u2013 did that just happen? Yes it did!%u2019

Nico%u2019s lack of reaction just shows how often this has happened. It%u2019s not new to him to watch his subjects blow up. He is annoyed, but he also needs to keep his cool so he doesn%u2019t look like a complete failure around his other vampy victims. If he threw a massive hissy fit, he%u2019d just look like a tool. So he stays cool and collected and then probably runs off and cries into his pillow. Nico is not sadistic. As you said, he is trying to %u2018fix%u2019 them, not kill them. He doesn%u2019t get pleasure out of killing them but at the same time the deaths don%u2019t rest on his conscience. But don%u2019t worry, there is a lot more Nico to come!

Picky is good! I hope I don%u2019t seem harsh about shooting down all of your points XD I love them! It shows that you have picked up on a lot of the subtle stuff. I%u2019m just letting you know that was is all planned :P
I know there%u2019s not a lot of super gadgets because it is set only 20 years away =/ And I%u2019m not a gadget person so I wouldn%u2019t really know how to write a good one :P I try to stick to what I know haha.

The death of Sophie was very mean of me but I sometimes like to be mean when it comes to my writing. It gets good reactions!

Haha, I%u2019ll try :%u2019)

Thanks for the review!

Sonder replied · Sep 21, 2014

Wow, long replies. XP I understand what you mean with the lack of emotion, it just felt to me that it could have been made clearer, because in my mind, vampires were simply very old humans who desired blood. I didn't get that not having a beating heart made you distant to emotions. Maybe you could point that out and make it clearer?
I just feel like your character development could increase a bit more smoothly. That's all. :) Great job so far!

User avatar
ExOmelas
Review
ExOmelas wrote a review Review · Sep 4, 2014

'Due to the severe lack of blood, the human was killed on the spot.' - I understand that they killed the human because they were hungry (?) but see that question mark I put there, you want to get rid of that. There are moments when you want to imply things but not state them explicitly but since the point of this action is that it is relatively less than what happened due to the Rage, this is not one of those times. Basically, please make this a little clearer.

'The serum’s still take effect.' - there should not be an apostrophe in 'serums'. I was about to explain why but it's probably just a typo.

'her bony legs kicking out and her arms stretching out for something to grasp' - this would flow better if you took away one of the 'out's.


That was incredible! You're taking huge steps in ironing out your tone and every so often you just come out with these bloody genius phrases that I have no idea where you've found. Your characterisation is excellent and you've even managed to give Nico some depth, avoiding the trap there. Your motion is simply awesome, in the original sense of the word.

Criticism...um...I'm stuck. I'll try and think of something...maybe put a few flaws in Evie. She's a tad difficult to relate to because she's so awesome.

But Omg this is incredible well done! :D

Gah! I edited this twice as well! But hey, the errors are getting less so I'm getting there ;)

Thank you so much! Yeah, I didn't want Nico to just be an emotionless asshole. I like it when the bad guys aren't necessarily bad... They have a purpose and their purpose is real. You understand what they are trying to do, its just the way that there are trying to achieve their goal isn't very moral...

Haha, well someone said Evie was a horrible character and easy to hate because her morals are askew... but my answer to that was 'well, she is a vampire...she's not princess perfect.' I love her and I'm not changing her! I'm glad you think she's awesome because I do too XD

Thanks again!!



You must believe in free will; there is no choice.
— Isaac Bashevis Singer