I know it's hard,
I know it's hard!
Everything is just too much!
The Stress of it all just piles.. and piles up!
Listen my darling
Listen my sister.. my brother...
I can't.
I can't!!
Shh.. child
It'll be over soon.
Okay, okay
Over soon..
There you are
You are strong
I hope and hope and..
fall deep and low.
Let me help...
Please!
No one can help me
Shut them out!
Don't do what I have done
Don't repeat my mistakes
How do I cope?
How can you say that like Life isn't this.. this!?
I was a teen once, too.
Keep fighting...!
-My invisible friend-
Hope.
The first Truth
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138,256 Literary Works • 672,091 Reviews
Wow, inspiring, i should say? this is very different sorta writing, but, no wonder it's good.
But, one thing, I'd love to know, what's the poem exactly about? i read it and my mind's saying, it's a strengthening one. but, would you mind telling me, what was your thought?
It's writing style is unique. and these lines,
"I was a teen once, too.
Keep fighting
-my invisible friend-
Hope.
Another truth."
these lines wonderfully created. and after all, it is a nice one.
hope, my review doesn't irritate you much..
God bless you.
Thank you so much. I'm glad that so many people get to critique my writing, it is such a great help to me. Your review helps a lot actually. It is lonliness speaking with hope in a form anyone could recognize-a teen. Everybody goes through that stage and that is what I have written about.
Hey there! AlexSushiDog here to review your poem!
I think the main attribute in this poem that really stands out is the structure of it: the conversation like style and the way it looks gives it a very creative and fresh feel to it. It feels very real like I am inside this person's head while they are talking to themselves. I loved that!
I love the message of the poem: "Keep going". A very true message too which you explained well in this poem!
In my opinion there is one thing you could do to improve and that is to add more punctuation for a more dramatic and echo-y effect.
For example:
Turns into:
Another example is:
Could be:
In my opinion the second of both examples sounded and felt better. Of course though this is your poem and therefore your choice!
Overall a lovely poem! Really liked it! :3
-Sushi
I love the way this poem is structured. It's a very simple format, but still manages to convey what you want it to--that is, that two people are having a conversation. This poem is (as someone said below) "raw", and that makes it ten times better. Great work, Cynder!
wow! it was really heart touching. i never thought that a poem can be like this also. Thanks you gave me i nice thing to think. good work! keep up!
here with a review!
I just want to start off by saying wow! This poem was amazing! I'm sure you might be thinking I'm just saying that to be nice. Trust me i'm not, that poem was fantastic! You have great potential! I know this is a short review but I don't have any complaints here. I hope to hear more from you soon!
keep writing!
~cassie~
I relate to this poem in many ways. I really like the structure. The message is true and I love the spirit. Deep, personal, and raw. I can tell you have the experience of real emotion, because it shows through this work.
Thank you. I'm glad to see it conveyed well.