Jake’s house was not the most ideal place to meet, but Alexia wasn’t going to fight with Ben about bringing strangers into the house. Just because he didn’t know them, that didn’t meant they were strangers! She shook her head to clear the thoughts of the imaginary fight she was already having with her stepdad.
Jake opened up the bachelor flat and gestured for the girls to enter. “Make yourself at home, ladies.” He added that grin of his which added a hint of cheeky intension on a perfectly innocent sentence. Usually Alexia would roll her eyes and ignore him, but for Nikki’s sake, she frowned at Jake in an attempt to tame him. He smiled in amusement and proceeded forward into the house flicking on lights as he went along.
It was fairly spacious, a modern and comfortable space, surprisingly well kept for a bachelor’s abode. The metallic black and white kitchen was an open plan design and visible from the lounge. The only thing out of place was an empty take out box on the counter from Gourmet Burger.
Jake led the way through the kitchen to the lounge. There were four rounded couches, with short metallic legs, and each were different bold colours that were of the same design. Alexia settled on the large red couch which faced the television but was farthest from it. The bright blue, green and yellow couches varied in size and were arranged in an oval shape around the living room.
She looked up and saw Nikki standing in the space which acted as an invisible boundary between the kitchen and the lounge. Alexia gave her a warm smile and beckoned her over to sit next to her.
Nikki shrugged and held her right elbow with her left hand. “Can I take a shower please?”
Alexia got up, flustered. “Of course! Let me sort that out for you. Jake!” Soon she collected all the things that Nikki needed, and let her wash off the dirt of the streets in the modern bathroom with square taps. She joined Jake downstairs as she once again reflected how something as simple as a shower meant a lot to someone who lived on the streets.
Jake soon helped her forget her depressing thoughts when she saw him in the kitchen with candy shaped as vampire fangs between his teeth. She giggled and grabbed some candy for herself as they caught up some more.
By the time Nikki came downstairs, back in the same clothes but looking more refreshed, Alexia had convinced Jake to put out some juice and biscuits – he needed reminding since he wasn’t the hosting type.
Alexia sat with Nikki on the red couch while Jake took the green armchair. “Nikki, the others will be coming soon, I’ve told them we’re here.” Alexia said. “That’s my power; I can create mind links with other psychics and communicate thoughts and feelings to them.”
“And she can be incredibly annoying and invasive about it at times.” Jake added. Alexia rolled her eyes at Jake. “And hella useful as well.” He continued with a knowing smile.
“We’ve all got gifts that have come in handy in one nasty situation or another.” Alexia said, turning to Nikki again.
“What is your power, Jake?” Nikki asked abruptly.
Jake turned to Nikki, clearly surprised that she had directed her attention to him. After a pause he answered “Charm.” He smiled. Nikki frowned, not understanding.
Alexia came in “Well Nikki, what Jake means is that when he focuses, he can influence the moment when someone makes a decision. Generally he uses it to ask a girl out on a date.”
Jake scowled at Alexia but couldn’t help grinning. “Alexia is oversimplifying, but basically I have overcharged charisma. It’s harmless. Here, let me show you-”
Nikki withdrew her hands and shifted away from him. “You make people do what they don’t want to do?”
Jake froze, his mouth open as if to speak, but he was at a loss for words. He looked down then straightened himself up before addressing Nikki again. “I get them to the decision they were going to make anyway.”
Nikki shook her head her lip curled and her breathing intensified. “What you do is wrong! No one should be forced to do anything they don’t want!”
Alexia jumped in, taken aback that the conversation had gotten so serious so fast. “Nikki, Nikki, it’s ok! We don’t use our powers like that. Not on each other.” She moved closer to Nikki and was glad when she didn’t withdraw. She glanced up at Jake. He had his lips pressed shut and was avoiding eye contact.
He stood abruptly. “I better make sure the security system is on, it’s getting dark.” He left the room and went upstairs. Alexia watched him go and thought twice about telling him to come back.
When she gazed back, Nikki was looking down at the coffee table, scratching the edge with her nail and biting her quivering lower lip.
“Oh, Nikki, hey...” Alexia rubbed Nikki’s shoulder. “I know you didn’t mean to lash out on Jake. I can’t imagine what you’ve been through and I don’t pretend to know. Just tell me what you need. Do you want to talk about it?”
Nikki shook her head.
Alexia sighed and tried a different approach. “Ok, well we have been open to you and told you about our powers. I am a Communicator, I can link all our minds and send one way messages. What is your power?”
Nikki hesitated just long enough to make Alexia think she wasn’t going to tell her. Then she spoke. “I make people feel what I feel. As if they experienced it themselves.”
Alexia gave her an encouraging smile. “Perfect empathy, right? That’s pretty awesome, I’d like to get my stepdad to walk in my shoes for a minute.” Nikki didn’t return her smile, and her face dropped further.
“There is nothing in my life but pain. That is all I can pass on.” Nikki said and covered her face.
“Ok, you know what, we don’t have to dwell on that right now. Let me make you a cup of hot chocolate, how’s that?” Alexia said, getting up to go to the kitchen. Before Nikki could respond, there was a knock on the door. Alexia looked at Nikki’s crouched figure and decided she just needed to have some space now. She went to open the door.
“Alexia!” Naomi squealed and wrapped Alexia into an affectionate hug. Alexia returned the embrace warmly and immediately brightened up.
“Naomi, how have you been? It’s so great to see you. How is your mother?” Alexia said as they stepped inside linking arms. Naomi was a hugging person and Alexia loved that. They chatted a bit, then Alexia stopped her before they entered the lounge. Naomi looked expectedly at her.
“I called you here because I think we’ve found a girl who is a really powerful psychic. Her name is Nikki, and she... has been through a lot. ” Alexia spoke in low tones. Naomi was immediately concerned and asked a bunch of questions like if Nikki had eaten, what happened to her, and Alexia quickly cut in, and told her about Nikki’s reaction to Jake’s powers.
“Shame, poor girl. Can I meet her?” Naomi asked. Alexia nodded and gestured to where Nikki was sitting.
Soon afterwards, the other Psychic Circle members began filing in. Hanson was as gawky as she remembered, and his hair was close shaven to the same length it was two years ago. He greeted her with barely a glance in her direction as he slouched in. If he wasn’t looking at his shoes he was looking at anything else but straight at the people who he conversed with. Alexia couldn’t honestly remember the colour of his eyes.
Finally, when Casey Richman arrived, everyone parted for her to pass. They never knew when she was going to be in a bad mood, and who the next target would be.
There was a lot of milling around, “Haven’t seen you in so long’s” and catching up, but Alexia urged them to gather in the lounge. Nikki was still on the couch but it seems she wasn’t immune to the Naomi effect either. She was sitting up attentive to one of Naomi’s larger than life stories, with a ghost of a smile on her face.
After a few announcements, Alexia got everyone into the lounge, where Hanson and Casey passed curious glances in Nikki’s direction and, except for Naomi, kept their distance from the stranger.
Jake was still missing. He must still be upset about earlier. Alexia thought. She considered going up the stairs, but decided he probably liked his space up there private. Instead she took a breath and closed her eyes as her mind searched for his.
The gang is all here aren’t they? Jake’s thoughts reached hers.
We need you down here. Sorry about before, I know she didn’t mean it. Alexia thought back at him.
You saw how freaked that guy was back at Angel. I’ve got a bad feeling about this.
Have you got a bad feeling, or did she hurt your feelings?
...Just don’t expect us to be best friends. I’m coming down. Jake cut the psychic link after this. Alexia was glad for Naomi, because now between Casey, Hanson and an uncharacteristically moody Jake, this meeting could end up being a bigger downer than an AA meeting.
Alexia turned back to the room and looked at each of them and couldn’t help smiling. “Reunited and it feels so good, am I right?”
“Woohoo!” Naomi yelled a decibel too loud.
“Yeah, just like the good old days. Alexia, what’s going on here and who is this?” Casey said, pointing at Nikki. Hanson stood a bit closer to Casey, staring at Nikki as well. Jake came downstairs and entered the room at that point, and strolled too casually to the furthest couch from Nikki’s.
“Ok guys, let’s take a seat please. I know I didn’t give you much information over our Link, but that was because I wasn’t sure exactly what we are dealing with.” Alexia walked over to Nikki, and Naomi gave her space next to Nikki. “This is Nikki. I met her when she saved me from some grimy dudes who hang out on 5th Street.”
Hanson widened his eyes and he gawked at her. “You went down 5th street?!” he exclaimed. This was the first time he had spoken up, and Alexia noticed that his voice was much more grating than she remembered. Had he started smoking?
“I know, Hanson. It was dumb, but thankfully nothing bad happened. But Nikki has had a rough life and I think we can help her.” Alexia said.
Casey’s eyes narrowed. “Alexia, we know nothing about her. Being a psychic doesn’t mean she is going to fit in here. What is she capable of?”
There was a silent moment when everyone turned to face Nikki. She looked startled at the attention. She glanced at Naomi, pleading with her eyes. Alexia noted the quick bond they had already formed, in true Naomi style. Few were immune to her unbridled friendliness and openness. It was Naomi who sat up and addressed them on Nikki’s behalf.
“Casey, I get what you’re saying, but it was this same group who accepted your power when you thought no one else would wasn’t it?” Naomi’s voice was always soft and low, even when she was delivering a challenge. Casey flinched with annoyance. There had always been tension between the two of them.
Jake spoke up for the first time since he came downstairs. “Naomi, don’t be an idiot. Casey is right, before we became an oh-so-happy family, we all demonstrated our powers and assessed what we could do, so,” he turned to Nikki “it’s only fair that our newbie does the same.”
“Ok guys, that’s not necessary.” Said Alexia as she moved towards Jake. She chose to send her thoughts to him silently. Don’t take your personal issues out on her! This is neither the time nor place.
Jake shot her a dirty look. It’s rude to talk about people behind their minds.
Shutting her out he walked to the centre of the room to address everyone. “You know what, we’ll make it fair. We’ll show you our powers and then you show us what you can do, Nikki. I’ll start...” Jake gave Alexia a look. “I’ll begin by telling you what Alexia’s power is. She can force mind links and insert her thoughts into anyone’s head without their permission. She did that just now, talking about all of you.”
Alexia curled her lip as she gave Jake a furious glare. “Jake, you’re out of line! We’re not going to do some show-and-tell to satisfy your-”
“Wait, Alexia...” Naomi cut in. She stood up to address them all. “Jake, I think you have a point. We all know what each other’s powers are, but Nikki doesn’t. Why don’t we discuss this in a safe space? It’ll make Nikki feel more comfortable, and all of us too.” Naomi glanced around, reading their faces, before finally facing Alexia expectedly.
Alexia cleared her throat and talked to Nikki. “I’m sorry about this, Nikki. Is it ok if we do that? It seems like everyone is a bit tense. If Jake is ok with it,” she glanced at his stony face, “Then we can all move to his basement for a power demonstration. Sounds good to everyone?” She kept her gaze on Jake. He scowled and nodded. Nikki bit her lip and said “Ok.”
Casey flashed a rare grin. “I hope you suckers have been practicing, ‘cause I have!” She strode purposely past Jake towards the basement door, and after a second Hanson shuffled in the same direction. He shook his head and sighed as he sauntered down the stairs after them.
Naomi linked arms with Nikki in her sisterly way, and guided her to the door. Alexia scanned the room, quickly went to lock the front door – they didn’t need any interference - and headed to the basement. Naomi and Nikki were starting to descend down the stairs, and Alexia followed.
Nikki turned her head and stared wide eyed at Alexia. She shook her head as she let out a whimper of fear before Naomi led her downstairs.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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Hi there!
I know it's been super long since I reviewed this and I'm sorry. I'm still following this novel, it's just taking me oh so long to get here. This is me attempting to catch up xD Anyways, on with the review!
I'll be commenting as I read so there's going to be some nitpicks mixed into this.
This way it flows a bit better.
How did he open it? I'm guessing he unlocked the door and pushed it open, yes? You might want to say that instead. Just to make it a bit clearer. To be honest, it sounds weird to read that he opened up the flat rather than the door to the flat.
You use the word 'added' here twice, which is a bit repetitive. Maybe replace the second 'added'? Or maybe rearrange the sentence to say "He added that grin of his which included a hint of cheeky intention" or something like that.
I totally appreciate this imagery. I'm a huge fan of writing about and reading of a character's facial expression. It adds so much to the dialogue and the situation. However, this could be reworded to be more clear. The way it's written right now, I imagine him half scowling and half smiling, which is definitely an interesting facial expression, but not one that's normally found on someone's face. I'd suggest having him scowl then grin or do one or the other. Whichever you think would work better there.
Just a quick thing here. 'Ok' is like the slang word for 'okay'. So when you're using the word in writing like this, it should be 'okay' instead. I see you do it a lot so I figured I'd point it out.
Yay, the Circle is together; all of them in one place! I've been waiting for this. I mean, that's what the whole story is about, yes? These kids who have special abilities. I feel like the novel is really going to pick up from here. Not that it wasn't going anywhere before, but now it seems like the plot is thickening. You get what I mean, right?
I feel so bad for Jake. I understand that his power isn't exactly the nicest and he could possibly convince people to choose a certain way, but he definitely didn't deserve that from Nikki. He's the one that has to live with his power after all. I'm sure he's come to deal with it and knows how to use it. Come to think of it, Nikki is kind of a hypocrite. She can make people feel the pain that she's feeling which is something that manipulates their whole body rather than just their mind. So if she's going to criticize Jake about his power, she better be ready to take the same for hers. Just saying. I still can't decide whether I like Nikki or not...
Okay, I feel super bad for Nikki now. She's so scared and all anyone wants to do is force her to be in their group. Why can't they just ask her what she wants to do every so often? It's making her tough girl exterior falter.
Overall this is another great chapter. There's definitely a lot going on here. We have more characters now and there's a greater problem arising. Like I said, I feel like we're really getting into the thick of things. I feel like the pace of this novel is definitely going to increase. I can't wait to find out what happens next!
Keep writing!
**Noelle**
Thanks Noelle!
I've been delayed in posting new chapters, busy holiday season and all, and I rather miss reviews. I don't mind one bit that you're back a few chapters! It means I still get awesome reviews from you, even when I can't post new stuff. But I get what you mean about the story picking up, I felt it too as a writer. This is when I really started to get excited about the story.
It's quite refreshing that you have a different view about Nikki and are deciding whether or not to like her. I wanted her to be a complex character on the edge who you're always uncertain if she is going to tip to the dark side or the good. This is represented by a choice between joining the Psychic Circle and the Angel Club... I hope you continue to keep your opinions open, and I'll get a good variety of opinions about her and my other characters from my readers.
Love your reviews! Thanks a lot
Hi! Cricket here for a review!


Well it's been around three since I've reviewed this, due to review day and my life but I must say I actually found myself missing this story. And I left just when they had left the Angel club and climbed into Jake's car! Right smack in the middle of things. But I'm back, reading again, and the world is perfect once more.
Well again, even though I didn't like Jake when you first brought him in, now I'm totally in love with him. He has this sense of playfulness about him, that just makes me want to know him. And even though I know he doesn't seem to really have any clear morals about him, I still can't help but like him! He kinda reminds me of one of my friends. By morals, I mean that we don't know him well enough to know what he would do in a certain situation that would call upon him to make a discussion that wouldn't directly benefit him.
Alexia seems pretty cool in this chapter. Especially when she's trying to make Nikki feel at home. There are times when I wished I had a friend that would try to make me feel better when the need arises, and I'm glad Alexia is trying to that friend for Nikki. Even if Jake is working towards being her worst enemy at the time. xD He's quite the character. But silly me wants one of those two to get together with him... I'll have to see what you're going to do in the later chapters!
Since you got two pretty good nitpickers here, (just kidding, they're more than good. Traunt and James are amazing at nitpicking) this review won't have that many nitpicks in it. xD Not that there are many in the first place.
This first paragraph I didn't really like. It seemed rather confused and not very well organized. For starters, you start it off with her talking about Jake's house, and then the next half of the sentence goes into her father, and how she doesn't want to fight with him. It seemed rather sudden the switch between the two. Jake's house and then her and her father's relationship. It was like Boom! Jake's house isn't the best place, but her father is socially inapt. By the line, Just because he didn't know them, that didn't mean they were strangers!. For one I crossed out "that" as it's unnecessary and also it doesn't make much sense. For one, it's technically his house. That means, if a bunch of random people that he doesn't know walks in, then typically he could call them strangers and demand that they leave. Now Ben doens't seem like the type of fellow that would do that, but still... I thought that line needed a bit of rewording or something. Just to make it seem a bit more realistic. Also separate "step" and "dad" with a hyphen.
One thing only bothered me here. And it's rather small, so no biggie. Why did she call Jake? As I read further into the paragraph, there was nothing there that Jake did, that would justify her calling him. Maybe take that out, or maybe slip in something? Like was she calling him because she didn't know where everything was? Just a thought.
This is a wee little example of telling and not showing. It seemed a bit abrupt and I thought it could be drawn out a bit more. Why exactly did she think twice about calling him back? Now I would presume it's because Nikki shocked him a bit with her temper, but still-- a little clarification would be nice there. So I just think you draw it out a wee bit more, in the final draft is all.
Well I don't know Casey's character and all that, but isn't this bit of speech a bit rude? I know it's like the best way to get down to business but still... I couldn't help but feel that it was a teensy bit rude of her to say that. Maybe have her say it in a less abrupt way? Like I said before, if this is part of her character, then keep it, but if not... well-
There's a few spots that do this, but I thought I'd use this as an example. After "would" place a comma, as you're going into a question, that is tied to the initial statement. I think that's how it works.
Overall, this was well done in terms of how you presented your characters. In terms of settings, I might have appreciated a bit more prosish style description, but that kind of description is what I'm accustomed to, so it just might be me. You described well, overall though.
Keep writing!
~Cricket
Traunt calls you the best nitpicker, you call her the best nitpicker haha!

Ok, with Jake, I will say nothing... only that you will see whether or not your suspicions about him will be confirmed...
The first paragraph needs work. Where it seemed I was switching topics abruptly, I was trying to justify why they had decided to meet at Jake's house instead of Alexia's place. Then I brought back the tension with her step-dad to reinforce their relationship... but perhaps this was an awkward place to mention it.
I will add more detail about why she called Jake, but the idea was that it is his place and she needed to ask him where things were. I'll fill in more detail about the show-don't-tell bit you pointed out.
Yes, Casey is rude lol. I established her sharp nature when she entered and everyone stayed out of her way. She would probably describe herself as no-nonsense instead of "rude" though. I have flagged her for more character development.
Thanks for you review
I <3 ya Therese, my dear Cuz! ^-^ Though YOU are the best... Hee hee.
shhh, let's just say that we're even at the art, and my brother is the best.
Cause he's waaaayyy better than me at nitpicking.... xD
Salutations
It is Friday and here I am to review your chapter, as promised! I have come to like your writing, and I must say, this chapter is just as interesting as the others.
The highlight of this chapter is, in my opinion, your characterisation and imagery. I am elated when I read a truly excellent piece of writing, not only because I have something above-average to read for once, but also because the author of that particular work has great potential and skill. It gives me hope for that person, as well as the knowledge that that author can become someone famous if only they put their mind to it.
1. I think you should emphasise the he by placing it in italics.
2. You forgot to add the "m" of them - no worries, it's just a typo.
Your third paragraph is quite nice. It perfectly describes Jake's residence (even if the kitchen is the focus) and by doing that, you also characterise Jake. After all, a person only decorates their house according to their taste, which reveals something about them, but even if they didn't and instead decorated it that way because of fashion, then it still says something about them, in this case that they have a sense for fashion and/or care a lot about what others think of them.
This is strictly a grammatical mistake, and I realise not many people care much for grammar, but I simply had to flare this: farther you use when you want to indicate distance, as in, "he lives farther away from the chruch than I do,", while further you use when you mean to say something like "in addition", as in "Are you going to study further after you have graduated?"
The first part of your sentence - the part that introduces the direct speech - is phrased awkwardly. Perhaps you should rather say something like, " "Well Nikki," Alexia explained, "what Jake means is that when he focuses, he can influence the moment when someone makes a decision." " It reads much easier when you do something like that.
A very perceptive girl, Nikki. But then, living on the streets tends to give one observation skills one would otherwise not have had.
I am so sorry, but I could not resist laughing here. Quickly visualise what an affectionate hug looks like, as if it were a piece of origami, and then visualise someone being folded, or "wrapped", into that shape. All jokes aside, you need only change it to in.
Either you need to change the said into an asked, or you need to put the question after the narrative.
I agree with IamTraunt here. [s]I'd hug anyone when I'm in a friendly mood, which is practically always, if only the world was less hostile.
I am so confused...
Just a decibel?
I already have an idea of what has happened to Nikki, but I shall refrain from saying so here, lest I be right and spoil it for others who are reading this review, or I be wrong and prove the saying, "it is better to be silent and thought a fool than to speak and remove all doubt," true.
I cannot wait to read the next part! I love anything that even slightly resembles magical/supernatural demonstrations, and since you are such an excellent writer, I am even more excited to read it. Now I definitely request to be informed upon your next chapter's release.
Review Week
Thank you so much James! For your compliments and your reviews. You don't strike me as one who hands out flattery for kicks, so I'm touched by your respect for my work. Gosh, famous, let's hope... with the help of awesome reviewers like you
If you prefer, I won't tell you whether or not you are right. But it will teach me what ground work I have consciously or subconsciously have laid out for the reader. I have had readers getting the wrong idea about characters and/or where the story is going that I didn't intend to do. That to me is a sign that I need to change something so that more or less everything the reader experiences is intentional on my part.
Thanks for your tips on grammar and language improvement, that's going to help me read through more carefully as I rewrite future drafts.
As for your ideas about Nikki, whisper it to me in a PM
Can't wait for your next review!
I am here! Rearing to go!
Nitpicks for a Special Friend!
Okay, so I was saying a few words over in my head and wondering what you had missed out:
The what?
-
Comma is needed.
-
I'm certain that you need a comma before the quotation marks and 'charm'
Plus, cool power! I love the seducing / controlling type powers. It spices things up.
-
This is a bit of a contradiction. Maybe put something like:
Spoiler
So me.
Okay, so I noticed you use 'Nikki' quite a few times here:
I suggest rewording it so you don't have redundancy in your work.
A few sentences that I think you need to reword/split:
1:
Instead of 'and' I think it should be 'but'.
-
2:
This sentence is really long. I think you should split it up, like so:
-
3:
Yet again, quite a long sentence. I think it just needs adjusting, like so:
Praise
Ooo! I really want to find out what Hanson and Casey's powers are! But. As I have repeated many, many times... Curiosity is essential to a good story. You need to keeps your readers wanting more, dying to read the next page (not literally dying), begging for more. Sometimes we over do it, sometimes we under do it - but I think this is just perfect. You have good balance of things, an equal amount of action, dialogue and... Well, thoughts XD literal thoughts going two and fro.
I think another good thing about your work is the intriguing characters - for example, Viper, (I'm not mentioning him because I missed him or anything. Of course not. Well... Maybe a little... Or a lot) he is - what is seems to me - trying to please his mother. It is plainly obvious. Sure, she is a power Psychic, but sons and daughters tend to have that natural instinct to please their parents. It makes me question things. Like, what if she died? What would he do then? - but that is not the point! The most intriguing character here, by far, is Nikki. Sensitive, yet powerful. That is scary. What if she accidentally lashed out with fear? She could seriously hurt someone! And that makes me want to keep reading, to see the outcome of Alexia's invitation to the Psychic Circle. The tension!
Thoughts to think about
So, one of the things that struck me was character's appearance. You introduce Hanson and Casey - now I know you mention some of the members of the Psychic Circle earlier in Alexia's chapter - but I think you should just add little hints of their appearance in their. I found it hard to picture them. Maybe just say something like this (just an example): Casey flicked her Brown/Blonde/Auburn? hair over her shoulder. It's a sneaky, yet effective way of helping the reader to imagine what they look like, especially if you've got a memory like mine. I'm not even gonna go their XD
Another thing - I mentioned earlier than you contradict yourself a little. You do it once again after you develop Hanson's character. You focus a little on how he doesn't often look at people, but then suddenly he gawks at her! I thought this was confusing. Obviously, you are showing how shocked he is, but I thought it wasn't right seeing as you clearly state he rarely gives eye contact. It's just a thought though.
I really enjoyed this. Again. Obviously - it's amazing.
Keep it up, YouAmazingPerson!
Sincerely,
Traunt
Thanks Traunt!
) to really now just stop and go back to the story/character development drawing board? Or do I keep going with the complete plot that I have in mind, learning about the characters by writing them into the story? If go this route, I'll only start working on the details of the characters to enrich the next draft.
For the nitpicks, I will take my own advice and read it through out loud to "hear" the grammar.
Haha! So you miss Viper that much? That is interesting to know, and I think I will put that into consideration in future chapters. It's funny how the writer can be oblivious about the most likeable characters in the text.
You're quite observant in your reading, I must say... Confession time! At a certain stage, I made a decision between continuing my story in order to finish a first draft of a full length novel for the first time in my life, OR to go back to the drawing board and develop my characters and setting more. I chose to keep writing for now.
As a result, Casey and Hanson (who was previously named Stud, but I decided it was cheesy and too close to the name Sty from the Angel Club), are my least developed characters right now, and might even be sacrificed for the good of the tribe in my second draft. So the reason you had trouble visualising them, was because I the writer have trouble visualising them. It's hectic, I haven't even decided on what race they are lol. Even my main characters need more development, I know. I have to clearly visualise in detail what they do when they go back to their lives behind the scenes. I also have to get their story goals more concrete in my mind (exactly what I suggested you do for Rae and co. lol) Naomi and Nikki need to have names that differ more from each other... since I started writing it, I have learnt about avoiding characters with even the same first letters, as this can cause reader confusion.
So, I'll ask for your input as a fellow writer and one of the few people really familiar with Psychic Circle. Do I sacrifice time I could be using to add word count (I'm nearly at 15,000 words
By the way, for your spoiler there, I'm afraid I didn't really get it... "So me."?
Wow. 15,000
I do... I do... Why? I don't have a clue XD
Okay, so personally I would stick to what you've got. If you had been so unsure at second/ third chapter I would have suggested going to the drawing board. But you have come so far! It is only my opinion but that's what I think. Maybe ask around, get relatives and other YWSers opinions to even out an answer.
I'm observant? Hm... Interesting. Maybe just a little too much XD I feel as if I bore people at times. I'm having the same issue with characters, so don't worry! One of my readers said I need to bring others into the spotlight. So I'm trying >.<
By 'so me', I meant I'm like Naomi - I like hugs ^^
Ah ok! Hehe, you seem like a hugger actually

Ok! I think I am leaning more to "Just keep writing". The only thing I'm concerned about is that I am giving myself a lot of work to do in future drafts. At the same time, finishing a whole novel length story would be such a defining moment for me! My weakness is getting so into story development that I never add words to my word count because I feel like the story has to be fully developed first before I get another word down. Perhaps I need to make these first draft mistakes as part of my growth as a writer?
By the way, an excellent resource that I could drink from all day is: http://www.writingexcuses.com/ It's a website full of 15 minute audio podcasts from real published authors! They are wise, funny and surprisingly relatable. Turns out they were beginner writers too, and they happily share their experiences! They have tags on the left where you can select and search what topics you need advice on eg "characters". I got the inspiration to just keep writing until I finish my first First Draft from them. I just keep greedily downloading them
XD yes. Indeed. I am a hugger.
Well, I really need to finish a novel again! It has been too long... My last one was too short and a little childish. I still enjoyed writing it though.
Why, thank you! I will definitely take a look! I have entered 500 word competition from Radio 2 a couple of times when I was younger, and they had some amazing videos of Authors. I remember two of 'em... Jacqueline Wilson and David Walliams. Yes. It is good to listen to ^^
Thanks!