We ran down behind a large rock. I held my first finger up to my lips, telling Hiccup to wait there. My head peeked around the rock. I saw a dragon, but it was no Night Fury. It was an undiscovered dragon with five heads. I don't understand! We hit a Night Fury; I saw it with my own eyes. Maybe there is something about this dragon that we don't know about.
Hiccup whispered, "Dagny, what do you see out there?"
"Why don't you check it out for yourself," I replied to him
He looked from the other side of the rock, and saw the five-headed beast.
"What the heck is that thing?" Hiccup blurted out.
I walked away from Hiccup without answering his question. He followed me, with his pocket knife out. There was the dragon. The back of the beast was yellow with a large patch of orange. Orange ran down its legs and onto its claws. The claws were short but sharp, and there were spines on the back of its legs. It had huge wings, long necks and a tail with five add-on tails to match the heads. I look at the heads and noticed they all had a different eye colors. It shot out five different things. I realized that the color of their eyes represented what it fired. The first head had red eyes for fire; the second head had aqua eyes for water; the third head had almost pure white eyes for ice; the forth head had deep brown eyes for dirt and rocks; and the fifth head had greyish-purplish eyes for fog, and it was slightly smaller then the rest.
"All of the main elements," I murmured to myself, even though the blacksmith could hear. He looked at their heads, and saw what I did.
"You're right... if it's a new dragon, we should name it. How about, Element-thing."
"Really? You're one of the smartest Vikings around, and that's what you come up with? Why don't we try, Element Caster."
"Ok then, go off and steal my ideas."
"What ideas?" I said, bursting out laughing.
He didn't respond, but what did I care? I glanced back at the Element Caster and realized what Hiccup's Night Fury catcher had done. Iron weights digging into its flesh and ropes giving burns to its outstretched wings. Out of the blue, its wings shrunk down to almost nothing. The ropes that it was trapped in were loosened, the dragons wings returned, and it blasted into the deep blue sky, firing fog all the way.
"Hiccup," I started off, "what do you think it's like to fly a dragon..?" We looked at each other and knew what we had to do.
We would be the first to train a dragon.
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137,435 Literary Works • 672,020 Reviews
This seemed short, but I liked it. Started where the last one left off and you gave a pronunciation for the dragon's name. But, one thing that bothered me was that it didn't exactly say the night fury was there. Is it supposed to be? Or is this the other thing found or what? Anyways, good read and hope to read more!
ur not supposed to know yet
I see.
I like it! It's almost like an alternate universe! That character changes everything.
u mean Dagny? well thx :3
This was really good, and I liked all the parts. I really didn't see any mistakes, and you are smart enough to find the nitpicks yourself.
I cant wait until the next chapter comes out. When will it be out, don't leave me waiting write it now now now
I need to know what happens next!!!!!!!!!!
lol :3
XD!
Hi there it's time for a review kiddies! alright to first off when you write;
" I assumed that the eye colors represented what they shot." I think it be better if you try to give the information you want out in a different way a suggestion could be maybe they see each head at work? or another way it will help make the story be more smooth.
Also if you could describe the dragon, what did the rest look like did it look to have smooth or rough skin, where the eyes large and round or silted like a night fury's? Just enough detail so it doesn't seemed rushed into it.
Now on to the praise, What you did here and completely making it your own was brilliant. I loved the creatively you had for totally changing the movie into your characters and your own story it was very nice. Your imagery while few were nice and up to beat with the rest of the story. Overall, nicely done and I hope you continue
thx and like I told Wolfie, im gonna fix the detail stuff
Hello Puppies, Wolf here for a review. (Please excuse any grammatical/spelling errors, for I am on my phone.)
First a few nitpicks:
So, even though there is nothing wrong here grammar-wise, it seems a little unprofessional to have both a question mark and an exclamation point. Since we, as the readers, know that this is a question, you don't necessarily need the question mark. It would also look much more pleasing to the eye if it was removed, but you don't have to do this if you don't want to.
How did this character assume this? Try to find a different, less info-dumpy, way to provide us this information. Later on it is mentioned that this dragon shoots fire into the sky or something along that. Maybe use that to show us what shoots what. Then also make the character make that connection then.
So this is a really awkward way to say this. Two sentence fragments joined by a semicolon? I would recommend changing this to:
Iron weights dug into its flesh, with ropes giving burns to its outstretched wings.
That makes it sound slightly more sound.
I do want to touch on the lack of details. Now this chapter is very short, and could easily be expanded with addition of good, balanced descriptions (what I mean by this is not to overload it by describing a ton, but still go into a fair amount of detail.) Some questions that pop into my head are: What does this dragon actually look like? I know it has five heads, but what color are they? Does it have spikes? Is its tail long? Does it have pointed horns? Where are they? In a forest, or a clearing? Explain everything and don't assume the readers know anything (this goes for the last chapter too). Having never seen the real How to Train Your Dragon, I have no idea of this terminology, or even how Hiccup looks like.
You've got a nice little spin on this, and you, from what I understand of the movie, introduce the man purpose of the movie in your own way. However, you should try to make it more original. I mean, teaching a dragon to fly on command has already been done. Maybe try to add another goal they need to accomplish. You've got a good start here, and with adding a little muscle to this skeleton, it could turn out great! Keep Writing,
~Wolfare
thx! and I didn't know what else to write which is why the chapter is so short x.x I will do better discriptions and I will let u know when I have