The black she-cat, Moon, stared at the wounded blue tom. What horrible monster had done this to the poor cat? He had been mauled all over. Moon was worried about him. There was something special about this cat that she could sense, and if his life was lost, Moon knew that whatever duty had been left in his paws would be failed. She could not let that happen. This stranger had to be healed... And quickly.
Moon entered her den. It was a small rock cave, about the size of a grown human's bed. Moon had been lucky to find it, for it was just big enough to house a healing space, her healing herbs and her own bed.
Hurriedly grabbing the right herbs, Moon rushed back out of the den and to the blue stray's side. She was relieved to see she had gotten the herbs in time. Gently using a lush plant to sooth his pain and numb him, Moon ensured he would not feel the sting that came along with the healing herb. Moon then smashed the herb's leaves between her teeth and let the minty green juice seep into the wounds of the tom.
Moon smiled. Another life had been saved - and a special one it was.
~
Stormcloud limped all the way back to the vent's opening square. The wind was only a gentle breeze now, and that was a good thing. Stormcloud was badly injured.
Hawkscreech was a good warrior, with sharp claws and a fierce attitude. Stormcloud had no reason to admire him, however. She was the same way and even better a fighter, and also she was a good cat while Hawkscreech had become bloodthirsty and power-hungry. It was a good thing he had surrendered and headed back into the lab. That way she didn't have to deal with him. Stormcloud had a much more important thing consuming her time and her mind: finding Bluejay!
Stormcloud knew Bluejay had been knocked unconscious by a vicious scratch in the neck from Hawkscreech. She just had to save Bluejay! If he died...
Stormcloud snapped out of her thoughts just before she let her brain finish the sentence. But she didn't stop herself before starting the sentence. Even the measly beginning of the sentence sent shudders down the bravest she-stray of the former Corporation. She couldn't lose Bluejay... She needed him to complete their mission.
However, there was another reason Stormcloud couldn't lose Bluejay. There was something the gray she-cat was beginning to feel whenever she looked into Bluejay's smart eyes.
Could it be love?
~
~Hours later~
~
Stormcloud had discovered a cave housing a black she-cat with dark purple eyes. The she-cat called herself Moon. Her cave was in a forest clearing.
Stormcloud had introduced herself to Moon and explained the appearance of the tom she was looking for.
Moon instantly knew as soon as she heard this Stormcloud speak of "Bluejay," as she called him, who she was talking about - and something else. Moon understood right away that Stormcloud felt love for the cat she talked about finding. But Moon felt there was something wrong with this love...
Moon had fallen in love with the very same cat.
"So, Moon, have you seen him?"
"I apologize. I have never seen this tom you speak of."
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
139,276 Literary Works • 672,524 Reviews
OH MY GOODNESS!!
This was VERY unexpected! 
Great job! I only have one little nitpick! 
Great job, and keep writing! 
"Moon instantly knew as soon as she heard this Stormcloud speak of "Bluejay," as she called him, who she was talking about - and something else."
For some reason, this seems too long. Maybe you could shorten it down a bit, like this-
"Moon instantly knew what 'this Stormcloud' was talking about the blue tom in her den, and something else."
Just a suggestion though. Other than that, I couldn't find anything wrong!
~Snazzy
Oh great! Another cat that, although she has a better reason that Hawkschreech, is getting in the way of the prophecy! Sure, Moon is a nice cat and all, but I don't think Bluejay is going to warm up to her. If he ever finds out, he is probably going to do his best to tear her limb from limb. I'm also pretty sure that Bluejay loves Stormcloud back. Sorry about my review and reading this being so late, my computer was gone forever, and I got caught up in the plot of a couple other books. I'm on to chapter 14 and 15 part 1.
Thanks! Don't worry, I do that all the time.
Hi there, Em! Wow, next chapter already?
So, in this chapter, I have a problem with punctuation and that is the use of those dashes. For example;
I think this dash should be a colon, just because it's like showing the next part... Uh I have no idea how to explain this but I think you know.
Anyways, I love the fact how you have added 1) a new character and 2) romance. I'll admit it: I like romance. Even though I'm still young, I like it. The Moon cat really threw me off. But that's good! I seriously thought she was a really kind, generous, helpful cat (she is, of course... Sort of) but she turned on Stormcloud. NOW what are they going to do?!
The other small thing I wanted to point out was to try and vary your sentences more, it seems like they're all starting with "She" "they" "Moon" "Stormcloud" "Hawkscreech" "Bluejay" or any other form like that. Don't get me wrong, I suk at varying sentences, but if you do, I know it can cause a huge difference.
Other than those two things, I loved it! (Especially the two things I mentioned above).
Hope this helps.
WillowPaw1~
Thanks so much! I like romance too, and yet I'm still not old enough to feel it for anybody
Yeah lol xD
WHAT THE PHOOEY O-O cant review right now, but a random sentence: OMG THIS IS DRAMATIC ( AND I KINDA HATE THAT MOON CHICK. SHE CANT BE IN LOVE WITH BLUEJAY NOOOOO)
XDDDDDD