Young Writers Society

Me again Crimsona!

As always, have a Happy Review Day!

I have to say I loved this poem all the more than the last. Don't you ever stop that late night poetry writing, because what you do produce is really good! I love how the boy is picking out all these traits of the girl, but she can only see the downsides they bring. And the fact that she is always holding in her emotions, but still down talking herself for not being perfect like he wants is so sad :'( You wrote this beautiful with perfect imagery that keeps me hooked onto these words all the time.

when everything was alright in the world.

my heart was as hollow as that pumpkin
that we carved together last October.

Hello, my name is PonyzandPokez and I am going to review this poem of yours because it looks good. Here is what I thought of it:
This is a great poem and I really like it. It has a lot of detail and emotion towards the hatred of your hands. I really think it only needs a little work. Nothing TECHNICAL just some PERSONAL edits to this to make it flow better.
for this line you can make it like this:

I told I do not like my hands,
that they are that of an old woman.

You never noticed the brown, sludge like roots
fanning from my scalp reminding me.

Hello CesareBorgia here for a review,

You're like the best poet ever. How long have you been writing? This was really good. There are several qualms though.

I told you that I didn’t like my hands,

that they were all lined like an old woman.

I told that I didn't like my hands,
that they were riddled with wrinkles like an old woman.

You never noticed the dark, sludge brown roots

emerging from my scalp; reminding me that

But when the monsters crawled out from under my bed

and snuck into my mind, it made life difficult.

Jeez, so much pessimism in this piece. I hope that this doesn't reflect upon what you truly think of yourself. It if is, I'm gonna have to find you and give you a hug and let you cry into my shoulder. This also sent a few chills up my spine seeing how distraught some people might feel when they are this rejected. There were a lot of metaphors in this piece that, in my opinion, seemed to contradict each other. Such as when you described your hair as being blonde and then saying that brown sludgy roots are sprouting from your head. Are you naturally a brunette? Just a lot of contradictions that went left and right at so many intervals that left me confused. Other than that, I thought this was a good piece--melancholy, but good.