z

Young Writers Society


E - Everyone

The Last Days Chapter Three Part One: Trial

by sarahnsnow


As always, Silvernist paced the hard cold floor. So far, shehad been locked up for a week. That is what the guard had told her while guarding her cell. She sat down on the hard bed and covered her face in her hands. This world will be in Aviel's hands if I don't get out. She thought. Why couldn’t things turn out for her?

Silvernist felt tears coming. Her life wasn't getting any better. Her life was depression, sorrow and confusion. She didn't even no what happened to her parents. Were they dead or alive.? She wondered who she really was. Was she put on this earth for some reason? Or was she put here because she just was. Silvernist caught one tear making it's way down her cheek.

Who am I?

*

"We'll have to have a trial," King Timothy announced as they sat on their thrones.

"Trial? Trial?! We should just kill her right away! We don't even know who she is or what she looks like. I think there’s something suspicious about her." His wife complained.

"Now dear, you worry too much..." Arake groaned. They were arguing all morning. He wanted to shout at them to be quiet but it wouldn't be polite. Arake signed. Maybe he could speak with the girl since his parents would be too busy arguing.

*

Before Arake entered the prison cells, he waited until a guard passed him so he could sneak in without being caught. He wanted to talk to the girl again, to see if she was really telling the truth and to know more about the wizard. Arake made it down the stone stairway that led down into the dungeon. As soon as he stepped down from the last step, he found himself peering into a dark hall. He started moving passed the black cells, hearing moans coming from the prisoners. The sounds from them brought chills up his spine and Goosebumps to blossom on his skin. He stopped when he recognized the cell that the girl was in.

"Hello?" he asked. A moving sound came from inside.

"What do you want?" The voice was parched. It was her. She was standing behind the bars.

"Well?" she questioned.

"I- Uh," Arake stood firm. " I want to know the truth."

"I have already told you the truth," she replied coldly. "Aviel does exist and the world is in danger.”

"But why?"

"The evil wizard Aviel wants revenge because your ancestors have destroyed Andorra," she explained.

"Andorra?” Arake stared at the girl in disbelief. A moment passed between them until Arake asked her another question.

“Who are you?” he asked her. The girl opened her mouth just barely and then closed them. But before she could just reply, a guard’ booming voice appeared, startling them. Arake looked to his left and saw a guard walking toward him.

“Prince Arake, you are not allowed to be in here!” The guard yelled. “Your father is looking for you!” Arake nodded, glanced back at the girl and then walked away.

*

Campion stood on top of a grassy hill looking down upon the castle. He was thinking how he and his clan could get the silver witch and the map. He returned to his group of soldiers who was hiding in the woods. Suddenly, a voice boomed in his head.

"Get the girl Campion or you know what will happen " Campion held his head in his hands in pain. The voice disappeared slowly and his mind stopped whirling. After a few ways of traveling throughthe woods, he came upon his trained soldiers whom were sharpening their swords and daggers.

"Men," Campion called. "I have figured out how to get the girl and the map." Everyone gathered together.

"We shall invade the castle by nightfall."

*

"I will not put up with it. No, no I will not go to the trial. And you shouldn't go either Arake," the queen complained.

"Dear, don't you want to know what she has to say?" The queen shook her head. Rose was as stubborn as ever and usually got what she wanted. Arake stood in the throne room with Sir Lorando and watched them. The king grew annoyed and motioned for one of his guards.

"Bring the prisoner to the courtroom,” he ordered. The guard nodded and left the room.

*

Silvernist finally could not help but grip the cell bars and yank.

"Let me out!" she screamed.

"Let me out!" She repeated. She heard footsteps heading her way. She quit yelling but kept her hands on the bars. A man stepped in front of her and sneered,

"Your coming with me, girl." Silvernist heard a key turning the lock. She then found herself out of prison being led away. Once they climbed the staircase, a bright light appeared from above blinding her eyes.

Silvernist closed her eyes. Because of being in the dark for so long the light hurt her eyes. She opened them. The guard was leading her down a corridor until they stopped at a large door. The guard opened it and shoved her in on the other side. She found herself in a large crowded room. People sat on benches on both sides of the room, talking and whispering to each other. The door behind her closed and Silvernist suddenly became embarrassed for everyone was watching her. She realized this was her trial.

King Timothy and Queen Rose sat in the very front of the room with their son sitting beside them on the right.

"Come forward," the king spoke loudly. Silvernist obeyedand cautiously came before them.

"What's your name?" he asked. Silvernist opened her mouth but shut it.

"Ummm.."

"Yes?" she hesitated and answered.

"Silvernist."

"Silvernist? What kind of name is that?" The queen snorted. Her face felt warm and she looked toward ground.

"Well, Silvernist, my wife tells me that you tried to murder me." Murmers and noises came from the crowd.

"Is this true?" Silvernist looked down.

"No your majesty. It is not. For I have only come to warn you. My weapon was only for defense." The king and queen exchanged glances.

"She's lying," the queen objected.

"I'm not," Silvernist said trying to control her anger. "I'm warning y-."

"Enough rubbish, we already went over that part. This land is supposed to be free of evil and there is no wicked wizard," the king raised his voice. He was becoming uncomfortable and the queen seemed to be smiling in agreement.

"Why listen to a girl. A strange girl who hides her face, who right now will remove her cloak." Silvernist clenched her fists in anger. No one in all her life listened to her except her grandmother. When the king said to remove her cloak, she froze. Remove it?

"Take it off," the queen ordered. Silvernist had no choice but to obey.

*

Arake watched the girl enter. He didn't say anything during the trial but he listened carefully and later on, dozed off. When he heard his mother say to the prisoner to take off her cloak, he suddenly became alerted waited anxiously for the girl to remove it.

The girl hesitated before her hands reached her hood and she slowly pulled it back. Everyone gasped, even Arake. Silver hair fell down to her waist. Her eyes were sparkling silver and her skin was pale. Along her cheekbone, was a long scar. The girl's lips were set in a straight, firm line and her face was radiant. Arake looked on in wonder.

Whispers were sent through the crowd. One was

"What is she?"

"That hair!” One replied.

The king was speechless but shook his head and said,

"I'm still not convinced that what you’re saying is true. Do you have proof?" The girl was silent for a moment.

"I… have none," came her reply.

"Then we shall know if your guilty or not." Arake listened to the audience exchange whispers. He wondered how this girl could make up this kind of stuff unless she was right. The king spoke.

"We shall vote guilty or not guilty."

"Guilty?" Arake saw all the hands go up.

"Not guilty." Zero hands went up. It was done.

"Sivernist is guilty of murder and lies. She will be hanged tomorrow by nightfall."

*

Silvernist gritted her teeth seeing all the hands raised that voted her guilty. Now she would be hanged of telling the truth. If only she had some proof. The guards grabbed her. She struggled to break free of their grasp but couldn't so she gave up.

"Take her back to the cell," she heard the king say. As they pulled her from the room, she stared back at the royal family. She hated them. She hated the king and the queen their son, the prince and even the princess. She started to feel hatred for people. She wished she were never born.

*

Arake turned away from the girl's flaming eyes as she was being pulled away. Something about her bothered him. What if she was right? What if this world was in danger? He shook the thoughts away and turned to his father.

Everyone in the room was standing and talking about Silvernist. Arake stood up himself and saw Davey waving at him from the back. While the king talked to his wife, Arake joined his friend.

"She was a real beauty, huh," Davey said. Admiration was in his voice. He watched the silver haired girl being taken away.

"To bad she commited a crime."

"Well she didn't commit murder. She was about to," Arake corrected.

"Right."

"There's- there's something about her." The knight lifted an eyebrow.

"What do you mean?" Arake didn't reply.

"Hey Dave!" Another knight, much older called to him. Davey frowned at Arake and walked away. He waved over his shoulder. Before Arake could see the girl again, the doors shut.

"It's over and done with," he heard his father saying. Arake stood by his side.

"Wonderful! Now there’s nothing to worry about," Rose said as the king wrapped an arm around his wife’s waist.

"Yes, nothing," he replied as his head leaned in closer for a quick kiss. Arake rolled his eyes and turned away. But why would someone make up something like that? All of the sudden, there was yelling coming from the guards. One rushed in holding a wounded arm and his face was sweating as if he had dumped it in a bowl of cold water.

"Your majesty! The castle is being invaded!"


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117 Reviews


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Sun Dec 29, 2013 8:05 pm
crossroads wrote a review...



Hey there, sarahnsnow!

Now, I must note that I haven't read chapters one and two, but I think I will after reading this one ^^

All in all, this chapter was quite good. I spotted quite a few grammar mistakes, but that's just the matter of editing and it's already been pointed out by the reviewers before. It flew quite nicely, it wasn't hard to follow, and regardless of it being third chapter, I wasn't completely lost, so that's good :3

I would have liked to see more descriptions in this piece. The characters' reactions and expressions were nicely included, without seeming forcibly squeezed into the dialogues, but I missed a bit more on the overal atmosphere and descriptions of the places around those characters. Perhaps some or most - or even all - of it was already included in the previous chapters, I can't know it for now, but it still wouldn't hurt to have at least a few lines about the colours, smells and shapes the characters encounter as they move around through the scenes ;)

Another thing, though it probably doesn't bother other people as much as myself, is the fact that you sometimes have a lot of very short sentences, and that breaks the flow for me. For example here:

Silvernist closed her eyes. Because of being in the dark for so long the light hurt her eyes. She opened them. The guard was leading her down a corridor until they stopped at a large door. The guard opened it and shoved her in on the other side. She found herself in a large crowded room. People sat on benches on both sides of the room, talking and whispering to each other. The door behind her closed and Silvernist suddenly became embarrassed for everyone was watching her. She realized this was her trial.


Incidentally, there is some description in here, and a bit more of atmosphere, so that's good. However, those sentences could've been connected here and there, without turning too long. I won't turn your paragraph upside down to demonstrate, because really it all comes down to trying out a comma or a dash instead of the dot, and retreading the sentence to make sure it works that way ^^

Another thing which might or might not be my personal preference - thoughts written in italic to differ from the rest of the text might be easier to notice and hence less confusing for the readers ;)

To sum up the rambling, this was very good. A few things could be improved, especially the grammar mistakes already pointed out before, but it doesn't need nearly as much editing as many works do. I'll go back to read the previous chapters, and be sure to watch for more if you keep posting this story.

I hope I helped.. See you around ;)
Aria~




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Sun Dec 29, 2013 7:42 pm
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Gummy wrote a review...



Ooh, another Fantasy story! I've seen this baby in the Green Room for a while and it eventually piqued my interest to the point where I just had to review it! So, yeah. Onto my review!

Gummy's the name, reviewing's my game! Today I'm going to review "The Last Days: Chapter 3-1 ~ Trial" by sarahnsnow. It's a really touching piece, and the cliffhanger ending to this chapter really sets the mood for the next one!

The grammar could use a little touching up, but that's nothing a little editing can't fix. Some more imagery would also be nice, but that's just me. Overall, this chapter has very few issues, all of which are easily solvable. Congratulations! Now, I was hooked the whole time, which is very good, considering that I have a low attention span... o~o Anyway, the last thing I want to note is that the story flowed perfectly and the plot never strayed. That's probably a big part of what made it so interesting in the first place.

Now, by the time I click the Submit button, this poem will have been out of the Green Room, but I still want to note that I expect to read more from you in the near future and I implore you to keep writing. Take care, and remember, practice is the key!




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Sun Dec 29, 2013 7:38 pm
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Aravis10 wrote a review...



Hi, it's Aravis here to review! Wow. This was great! Unfortunately, I have not read the other chapters. But, this was REALLY good! I loved your descriptions. I could see what was happening, feel what the characters were feeling.
The reviewer before me did a good job in pointing out the little mistakes. I'll try not to repeat him. "They were arguing all morning." This sentence was confusing. Maybe it should have been, "They had been arguing all morning." Another one, "He returned to his group of soldiers who was hiding in the woods." Shouldn't it be "were" since soldiers is plural? But, "group" is singular. "Was" just sounds weird to me. Sometimes your dialogue seemed a bit stiff. Try reading your stuff out loud. It helps!
You are an extremely talented writer. I need more! And I might just go back and read the stuff I missed.




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Sun Dec 29, 2013 12:30 pm
Dreamy wrote a review...



Hey there,
Dreamy here to review, this was well-written story. I liked it. Wicked and wicked witches alwasy amuse me. This chapter was well crafted and nicely narrated though I found few typos and grammatical mistakes. You seem to be having problems in spacings, let me just point out some for you.

shehad been locked up


"she had..."

She didn't even no because she just was


It's know

He started moving passed the black cells,


I don't know if you meant past or moving, passing the black cells..."

spine and Goosebumps


goosebumps

a guard’s booming voice appeared,


traveling throughthe


through the

obeyedand cautiously


"obeyed and"

Whispers were sent through began to grow in the crowd. One was


This chapter just needs editing, if this is edited it's good to go. Other than that, this was a really good story. Keep up the good work. Good luck!

Keep writing!!!

Cheers!!! :D





We are all apprentices in a craft where no one ever becomes a master.
— Ernest Hemingway