The necropolis was built of bones with a cold darkness in each window bringing about a dark aura. The gate was large and only had one entrance leading into the dark kingdom. Guarding the gate were many minotaurs and standing tall with a smirk on her face, was the witch.
“Here they come,” Andorra said. A large fat minotaur stood beside her with an axe in his hand. He snorted.
“Whatever you do, do not harm the dragon,” Andorra told him. The minotaur growled in response. Andorra eyed the seven other figures walking beside the dragon.
“Hmmm, they’re going to be trouble.” She looked at all the minotaurs who held weapons in their hands. I gave them enough time to prepare for this war against my brother. She smiled. But soon, my army will be greater. Steven will not stand a chance. In two days time, the war will start. Her eyes rested on the dragon. She had a huge surprise in store for her. As soon as they grew closer, Andorra looked over Danielle’s companions one by one. She studied one specific person. He looked familiar.
***
“There she is!” Danielle exclaimed. She couldn’t wait for Andorra to turn her back. She looked at the dark clouds that reigned in the sky. Then her eyes moved to where Andorra stood in front of all the hairy, armored creatures.
Samuel glanced at Danielle who had quickened her pace. I have a bad feeling about this. He thought.
Judas was running thoughts through his mind as he gazed at the tall figure. Andorra, you changed so much. She was so quiet and kind when she was younger but as the years went by, she became aloof and rudes towards everyone. Now she lived in this dark kingdom and ruled on her own. He hoped she would remember him after all the years that passed.
Danielle stopped breathing as they stood face to face with Andorra. Her sly smile revealed her wicked, cruel side.
“Danielle!” Andorra exclaimed.
“We cross paths again!” Danielle stared at her suspiciously.
“Please change me back, Andorra,” Danielle pleaded.
“Is that why you came?” she asked. Turning her back towards them, she addressed her minotaurs.
“Seize her.” Danielle looked at her in shock as the creatures surrounded her, separating her from the others.
“Danielle!” Samuel cried and prepared to strike one of the creatures. Another minotaur swung his ax as his throat but he ducked. Then a pair of arms wrapped around him keeping him from getting away. This happened to the others. Judas tried to break free from the minotaur that strangled him and
he looked at Andorra was watching this all happen.
“Andorra!” he called. “Don’t you remember me? I am Judas!” Andorra immediately looked at him. Judas? Andorra became speechless. Flashes of memories went through her mind and there was one she remembered so well.
She was twelve years old and was playing in the palace garden. Surrounded by many white roses, there was a cold clear pond with many orange fish swimming their way through the waters. She was standing near the pond holding a white rose close to her chest. She was smiling as she gazed upon the flower in her hands. Then she looked up and saw some larger white roses on the other side of the pond. Carefully putting her right black slipper on a large stone near the water, she reached across to pluck one of the larger roses off of the bush. But as she reached, she screamed for her foot lost balance and she found herself falling into the pond. But two strong arms wrapped around her stomach keeping her from hitting the water.
Once she was set safely on the ground, she turned to her rescuer. Thirteen year old, handsome brown haired Judas was standing there looking at her with concern.
“Judas! You’re here!” She exclaimed. He put a finger to his lips telling her to be quiet. Then he plucked the white rose that she was trying to reach and gave it to her..
“Thank you!” She said. “But why are you here?” Judas smiled back.
“I came with my father.”
“Well please visit more often! You’re gone too long all the time.” Judas laughed and so did she.
“Judas!” A younger voice cried out. They turned to see ten year old Steven running through the garden toward them. His short black hair waved in the wind as he ran and his brown eyes sparkled with excitement. When he reached them, he punched Judas softly on the arm.
“I haven’t seen you for so long!” Judas laughed.
“I am here now. Too bad Seth isn’t here isn’t it?” He caught Andorra gazing at him and he gave her a charming smile.
“Shall we play?” he asked Steven. The young prince nodded and Andorra smiled.
Andorra turned her gaze away from Judas and shook the memory from her mind. It is in the past. After that day Andorra discovered she was a witch and that is when the people began to disrespect her more. Even during those early years before she turned twelve, people disrespected her because of her ugliness. When she found her powers, people began to think their princess was an evil being.
Hatred took over Andorra’s heart destroying her kindness and respect towards anyone.
“Andorra!” Judas cried. He expected an assuring look that she did remember him but all he received was a deep glare full of hatred and revenge. They burned into his soul and wounded his aching heart even more.
“Andorra!” The minotaur pulled his arms back tighter making him cry out in pain. But with all the strength he had, he set his arms free and began to run toward Andorra.
“Judas! You moron, what are you doing?” Zacharias yelled at him. He was struggling with two minotaurs who had knocked him down.
Then everyone halted and looked in the direction of Andorra. Judas had hooked his arms around her in a tight hug. Even Andorra stood there frozen like a statue in Judas’s arms. Her eyes were completely wide open when strange warmth swept through her body. In her left ear, Judas whispered,
“Why are you doing this, Andorra?” Andorra shut her eyes tightly, squeezing her fists. Then she opened her right hand and reached up to Judas’s chest. Red magic gathered in her palm. Judas did not know what was happening and soon found himself flying backwards away from her. A minotaur seized him keeping its tight grip on him.
***
Using her tail as a whip, Danielle sent the minotaurs flying into the others. They crashed and fell to the ground in a heap.
“Stop her!” Andorra commanded.
Danielle saw Samuel pounded on by three of those creatures and she rushed to his rescue. I won’t let you die, Samuel. She thought. Raising her claws, she gripped two minotaur’s and threw them in different directions. Then she stared at the last one who pointed an axe toward Samuel’s chest.
Danielle was about to hit the minotaur with her tail but stopped when her stomach growled. I didn’t eat at all today. She thought sadly. But then she looked at the creature closely. Steeping closer to it, she opened her mouth and bent down to gather the minotaur in her jaws. Realizing what the dragon was doing, the minotaur scurried away with his ax in his hand. Danielle watched after him in disappointment.
Samuel stood up clutching his arm where he had gotten wounded and looked at Danielle.
“Thank you,” he said. But then his expression changed.
“Were you really going to eat him?” Danielle blinked.
“Well…”
More minotaurs surrounded them but Samuel took his sword and fended them off with his good arm while Danielle fought as well.
***
Andorra watched every battle impatiently. Why did Judas dare hug me? She tried to forget the warmth she felt and concentrated on her plan.
“This is taking too much of my time,” she said.
“I have to get rid of them myself then.” Andorra looked at every one of Danielle’s comrades. Her eyes stayed on one of them with red hair and a small beard.
“Could it be?” She asked herself. I’ll keep him as well.
“Stop!” Andorra yelled. Everyone stopped and she raised her hands. Underneath her breath, she whispered a spell that none could hear. All of the sudden, Samuel, Judas, Shannon and everyone else vanished. Danielle looked around horrified.
“Where are they?” Danielle questioned. She glared at Andorra. What is going on and why didn’t she change me back?
Suddenly she felt weak and her eyes began to droop. It was like all her muscles had failed and she was tumbling toward the ground.
“Samuel,” she struggled to speak. She tried to stand but something weighed her down forcing her to stay down. Soon, all disappeared from her sight and her mind.
****
Something beneath Samuel’s body was so soft and warm. It was so comfortable that he did not want to open his eyes and get up. He wanted to sleep longer. But everything was coming back to him. Andorra, the minotaurs, the necropolis and Danielle.
Frantically he sat up. He was sitting in a bed with white, soft velvet covers and around him, he recognized the chamber he slept him when he and his family were visiting King Steven. A warm hand covered his and when he looked he saw a familiar girl with long, rich brown hair. She was laying her head down on the side of the mattress with her hand on top of his.
“Ella?” he asked. She moved her head and looked up into his eyes.
“Samuel,” she said quietly. Unexpectedly, she got up and wrapped her arms around his shoulders.
“I’m glad you are home Samuel,” she said and then released him.
“Are you alright?” she asked.
“Yeah but… how did I get here?” Ella smiled.
“Your father’s knights found you lying unconscious in the forest. You looked much bruised and you have a small scratch on your arm but it will heal fast.”
“Were there any others?” Samuel asked looking deep into her eyes.
“They found five others who were with you. They are in rooms next to yours being treated as well.”
“That’s good,” Samuel said. He breathed a sigh of relief. But then he froze. What about Danielle?
“Are you alright Samuel?” Wondered Ella whose voice was filled with concern.
“Y-yes,” he replied with a smile. Ella smiled as well and stood up.
“How about I leave you to dress and then you can come for breakfast?” Samuel nodded and watched her leave the room. Then he stood up and walked to his wardrobe which was across the room from his bed. As he pulled out a white uniform, his face turned pale.
King Seth sat on the opposite end of the dining table tapping his fingers against the smooth surface. He glanced at Steven but he was too busy eating his food.
“Do not worry dear. I am sure Samuel will be down soon,” Isabel told him and patted his hand to make him stop tapping.
“He better,” Seth replied.
“I know you are angry at him for being gone so long but please don’t be mad at him when he comes in,” his wife pleaded. Seth stopped tapping and leaned back in his chair.
“Have patience father,” Sillia said. She sat next to her twin sister Sarah. Isabel shushed her and she looked away.
“Father! Mother!” They turned to the entrance to see Samuel walk into the room.
“Brother!” Sarah and Sillia exclaimed and ran from the table to hug him. Samuel laughed and embraced them both. He looked at his sisters beautiful faces in happiness.
“Come sit son,” Seth said. His sister sat in their seats as Samuel chose one next to Ella. He looked at his plate and began to eat. It was a long time since he had normal food like this. He felt eyes watching him and he looked up at his father.
“Is there something you want?” he asked.
“Yes. Where were you that made you gone so long?” Seth questioned him. Samuel gulped. How would he explain everything to him?
“Sire!” Everyone looked at a knight who enterd their domain. He was clutching his helmet to his stomach.
“Those who were found along with Samuel have awakened!”
“Good, now bring them in here so that they may eat,” Steven replied. The knight bowed.
“Yes your majesty. Although, there is a problem with one of them. He will not listen to me nor any of the maids.” Samuel stood up.
“Where are you going Samuel?” Seth asked.
“I’ll be back father,” he replied and walked out of the room. The knight led him to the room that was not that far away from his. Samuel walked in and saw Zacharias backed up against the wall holding a dagger while a couple of knights surrounded him.
“Zach!” The bandit looked at him and lowered his dagger.
“Where are we Samuel? And why are you dressed like that?”
“We are in Zilda.”
“Zilda!? How did we happen to be here?” Zacharias put his dagger away.
“I am not sure but I think Andorra brought us here.”
“Where is my gang?” he asked.
“Come with me,” Samuel said. He pulled him out of the room and down the hall where they met up with Judas and Alec. They also asked where they were and received the same answer. When the rest joined them, Alec looked at Judas’s darkened face. He could now understand why Judas yearned to see Andorra so much. He loved her.
“ I would like you all to meet my friends.” King Seth and King Steven curiously studied each of them that Samuel introduced. As Samuel said their names, he realized someone was missing. Herman. They sat down and started eating like a couple of pigs who seemed to haven’t seen food for days.
“Father, you were asking?”
“Oh yes, but that can wait. First Steven has some important things he wants to talk to you about.” Samuel’s gaze moved to King Steven.
“My sister, Andorra who disappeared from long ago, she and I are waging war against each other. She has revealed to me that she holds Danielle captive and will not return her unless we do fight her,” he explained.
“I ask that you, Prince Samuel fight with us.” Too shocked to reply, Samuel glanced at the bandits who sat across from him. They looked confused also.
Ella touched his hand and he nodded. I have to tell them. He thought.
***
It was a dark, cold room with an evil feeling that Danielle wanted to close her eyes and disappear to escape this evilness. Around her was complete utter darkness.
“I wish you were here Mue.” She said. He had disappeared with the rest of them, along with Samuel. She didn’t know where Andorra sent them but she hoped they were safe.
“Mmmm.” Danielle froze. There was someone else in the room with her as well.
“Hello?”
“Danielle… is that you?” The voice sounded extremely close.
“Herman?”
“Yeah, it’s me. Where are we?”
“I have no idea. All I can see is darkness.”
“But I see a little white light.”
“Where?” She asked. She looked around.
“I don’t see any light.”
“Above you,” Herman replied. Danielle lifted her head and saw that there was a small round light above them.
“Is it expanding?” she asked.
“I think so.” The light was expanding and soon it covered the whole dark room with pure whiteness.
“This same feeling again.” Herman said. Danielle could see Herman laying on his back but he quickly jumped to his feet.
“You mean…?” Herman nodded.
“Chosen ones.” In front of them appeared the same woman with long, white hair and violet eyes. So beautiful. Danielle thought.
“Who are you and how do you know my father?” Herman asked in a demanding voice.
“The first question I cannot answer but the second, yes,” The woman said and stepped closer.
“Your father was also a chosen one but died from the plague that swept through the village Sharpine. During his days through youth to manhood, he trained to be a fifth sorcerer or I should say he would join the four sorcerers of the world. I visited him in visions telling him what he needed to know about being a sorcerer. When the plague hit the village and he got sick, the last vision I gave him, he said he wanted his son to be chosen as well. He also said you could be as strong as he was. I believed him. He also asked me to protect you.”
Danielle watched Herman’s face seeing that he missed his father very much. Seeing Herman cry about his father made her want to cry her tears out as well. She missed the memories she had with her father when she was very young too.
“You have received your answer but that is the only question that I can answer.”
“You are leaving,” Danielle said.
“Yes, but I have something else to tell you. Whatever Andorra may ask of you, refuse her request.” The woman began to disappear. The white realm also began to fade as well and soon they were standing in the darkness once again.
*********
Darkness already crept upon Samuel as he stood in the garden gazing at the glowing, floating moon. Many times, this day he tried to tell his father about Danielle and his journey. But would he truly believe that she was turned into a dragon? He had to tell them But if they asked where she was what would he reply?
Samuel sat on a stone bench near some lilies and sighed. Did Andorra take Danielle? Herman wasn't with them either. Would he see Danielle again?
"Samuel." Ella. She was standing beside him dressed in a red dress with roses outlining the waistline.
"May I sit?" She asked. Samuel nodded. She is so much nicer than Danielle.
"You know there is a ball tomorrow before my father goes off to war. Right?"
"Yes."
"Aren't you at least excited for the ball? I certainly am! You have distant today, anything the matter?" She asked.
"No, just thinking."
"My father is also going to announce our engagement." Samuel looked at her. How could I forget? He pulled her to his chest and embraced her. She hugged him back . When she let him go she gazed into his eyes. For a moment there, Samuel thought he was looking at Danielle for they resembled each other a lot.I can't believe I am thinking about her. He thought.
"Something wrong?"
"No," Samuel answered.
The next day Samuel roamed through the castle halls. This morning when he woke up, he had this feeling that he should tell his father about everything. Samuel turned a corner and a ways down, there was a large door with gold and red paint outlining the designs. Now would be a good time. He thought. We go to war tomorrow and if I don't do it now, I won't ever have another chance. The rest of the day he would be training with Judas and the other bandits and prepare for war. And then the ball was tonight and King Steven would announce his engagement to Ella.
Samuel breathed deeply before stepping into the throne room. He saw Zilda's king and queen sitting in their throne with his father speaking to them.
"I assure you my knights will be ready by tomorrow. After the ball my son and I will return to Zelda and then well, we will join your army."
"Right, I already have the battle plans sorted out so no worries. Andorra and I already know of the battle field where we will fight. Follow me there," Steven replied. They both looked in Samuels direction.
"Come here son," Seth said. Samuel obeyed and his father put a strong, muscular arm over his shoulders.
"What is it Samuel?"
"I have something to tell you. It is about when I was gone father." Steven and Seth looked at him with curious eyes.
"Do you remember the Black Dragon when it attacked me and Ella?" That was when he told them the whole story.
After he finished speaking there was an awkward silence. King Steven stared at him speechless and Queen Maralyn had tears slowly slipping down the side of her fair cheeks.
"Do you mean to tell me that you met Danielle in the woods? And that she was the Black Dragon?" Samuel nodded.
"Unbelievable," the king replied.
"And you searched for Andorra to change Danielle back? Where is she now?"
"You believe me?"
"Of course. A prince never lies. I have never once lied in all my youth. I trust you because you are Seth's son."
"When we found Andorra, she had us vanished so I think she has Danielle captive right now."
"My poor Danielle," Maralyn spoke and wiped a tear from her face. Steven's face turned hard and cold.
Seth turned to Samuel.
"We shall leave now," he said pulling him out of the room. Steven touched his wife's smooth hand and she looked at him.
"Do not worry. I will make sure Andorra returns Danielle to us. Maralyn nodded and held his hand tightly.
*******
"Do I really have to wear this princely suit?" Zacharias complained as he fidgeted with his black collar. He was wearing a black suit and so were Judas, Alec and Storm. Samuel walked up to them wearing a black suit as well but with golden lacing along his sleeves and collar.
"Zach, don't you care what you look like in front of all the ladies?" Storm asked him.
"I actually think this is quite nice." Zacharias glared at him. Then they heard a laugh and discovered it was Shannon. She wore a dark blue dress with bright sparkles scattered across the skirt. Samuel saw Zacharias and Storm's cheeks turn red and he laughed.
"Now what are you all staring at?" Shannon asked them pinching one of Zacharias's ears.
"Ouch!" She let go.
"In the future, do not expect me to wear one of these again." Samuel smiled at everyone and told them to go in without him. The room was giant with a tall ceiling that had at least ten or more chandeliers hanging down. Tables were covered with foods, deserts and drinks. Hundreds of men and woman danced and chatted together. The drapes that hung in front of the windows were a scarlet red. KIng Steven and Queen Maralyn were standing somewhere off enjoying themselves to a bit of food. Samuel watched everyone while he waited for Ella. She had on a bright red dress that swayed as she walked toward him. Her hair was put in a curled tight bun in the back of her head. Her tiara also sat atop her head glistening in the light.
"Ella, " he said aloud and took her hand to kiss it. She smiled and then he led her into the ballroom. as some people stopped to gaze upon the couple but others did not notice.
"Dance with me?" Samuel asked Ella in a playful manner. He tried to sound like he wasn't worried about anything but he really was. Deep down, he was thinking about Danielle and the war. He took Ella's hand in his and his other on her wist. Then they began to dance to the orchestra.
Steven and his wife were watching their dance and smiled. Adrian danced with a young woman who had light brown hair but their eyes were focused on Ella and Samuel.
"Such a remarkable young man," Maralyn said.
"Yes indeed. And a remarkable woman," Steven replied. He looked at two knights who were standing by the door. One of the knights he recognized.
"Cynric!" he said and walked over to him. He was relieved the knights was not exhausted or dirty from looking for Samuel.
"Your majesty." Cynric bowed.
"Cynric, go enjoy yourself with the other knights. You have tried so hard to find Samuel. You deserve it." Cynric looked at him surprised.
"S-sure, your majesty." The young knight walked away and fixed his brown hair so it looked nicer.
"Do you think it is time now?" Maralyn asked him when he returned.
"Yes, I think so." He held up his arms.
"Excuse me." The orchestra stopped and the people turned to their king with eager expressions.
"My daughter Princess Ella has accepted a marriage proposal from Prince Samuel. And once this war is over they will be wedded." The audience began to cheer and soon the room was filled cheers and applause. Samuel and Ella grinned and smiled at King Steven. Samuel glanced at King Seth who nodded at him.
"Please wish these two happiness and love that they will share for eternity." The applause grew louder. Soon as King Steven stopped speaking, the people did also and the orchestra began to play. Just before Samuel was about to dance with Ella, he felt someone tap his shoulder. Standing behind him was Cynric.
"Hello Prince Samuel but may I have a dance with your bride to be?" he asked. Samuel nodded and let Cynric take Ella by the hand then he walked to his father and stood by him.
"Are you sure you want to go through this marriage?" Seth asked him. Samuel nodded.
"Of course."
*****
"Congragulations," Cynric said to Ella as they danced.
"Thank you," Ella replied cheerfully. Cynric smiled big.
"Oh and thank you again."
"Why?"
"You were here for me when Samuel was not. You helped be happy and have hope that he would return." Cynric's face was red.
"My pleasure. Seeing you unhappy made me the same way. You are so much more beautiful when you smile." Ella blushed and then smiled.
"I think you are even a better dancer than Samuel!"
"Really? My mother would dance with me when I was really young, so I know all the steps to this dance."
"That's very interesting!" Ella replied. There was silence between them as they continued to dance. But Ella enjoyed every minute of the dance with him.
***********
Everyone rode away in carriages back to their homes so the ballroom was becoming emptier and emptier.
"I think it is time we return home as well." Isabel said to Steven and his wife.
"Tomorrow, we shall be ready." Samuel gave Ella her final kiss and then said good bye as he climbed into the carriage after his family. This is it. He thought. He watched the carriage move away from the castle.
Judas and his gang were staying at the castle in Zilda with Steven. They accepted of joining him and his battle against Andorra. This was another chance for him to see her again.
*************
"How long are we going to be trapped in this dreadful darkness?" Herman asked out loud.
"I don't know but I have a strange feeling," Danielle replied. They sat there staring into nothingness.
"Herman, I am sorry about your father's death."
"It's alright now. It does not bother me anymore. I now know that the rumors people said about him were true. He held some some power that is now mine. He loved me and counted on that woman to protect me. I am a chosen one. You are as well, Danielle."
Danielle didn't say anything back. A chosen one? Of who? That woman? She didn't know what to think or say about all of this and she never heard of these four sorcerers of the world.
"Danielle."
"Yes?"
"Some one is coming." They were quiet as they waited for something to happen. Suddenly a door opened somewhere and then it slammed shut.
"Is anyone there?" Danielle asked.
.
The room then lit up with hundreds of candles that stood against the walls. It was a round room with stone walls. A cave? Danielle thought. She looked at the person who had just entered and gasped. Andorra was standing there wearing a ragged, brown dress and her hair was tangled making her look even uglier. Her green eyes bore into her's.
"Hello Danielle," she said. She looked at Herman which sent chills throughout his body. She began to walk closer to him until she stood inches away from him.
"You are... a chosen one of Mystra," she said.
"How do you know?" Herman asked.
"Those with magical ability can see a mark on your body. I see it perfectly." She touched his neck.
"Three moons ringed together. A goddess's symbol is what makes you a chosen one." She smiled at Danielle.
"What do you want with us?"
"It is what I want with you Danielle. You and I are a lot alike." Danielle watched her pet her scales.
"How?"
"Ever since you were born, I knew you were special. My brother and his wife had no idea but I did. You are a.... witch. Like me." Danielle gaped at her in surprise.
"I am a witch?"
"Yes! With your power you made that annoying squirrel speak and yourself as well. You are as powerful as me. And I want you to use that power to help me take over your father's kingdom. If you do, I will turn you back into your original body. If you do not, your stuck like that forever." Danielle could not believe what she was hearing. Me? A witch? And she wants me to help her? But if I do not, I'll never regain my normal body. Then she thought of her family. If this is the way it is going to be then I would rather keep this body than have my kingdom and my family destroyed.
"Whatever Andorra may ask of you, refuse her request." She remembered the woman's words.
"I refuse the offer," she told Andorra. She expected an angry outburst but Andorra just laughed.
"That is perfectly fine," Andorra replied. Herman and Danielle glanced at each other.
"It is fine if I do not have your power. There is more waiting to be unleashed. More that will surely destroy all kingdoms."
"What are you talking about?" Herman said. With a wave of her arms, they disappeared. Danielle and Herman found themselves in a world of white snow. It was snowing and there were large mountains around them covered in heavy snow.
:Where are we?" Herman asked. "Are we still in our world?" Andorra laughed.
"Certainly! This is still the Enigma Mountains but we are in the higher mountains. In these parts of the mountains is the most coldest. Now follow me and I will show you what I mean by much power." They followed her through treacherous snow until they came to a tall mountain.
"So cold," Herman whispered.
"Here, inside this mountain."
"How do we get inside?" Danielle asked her.
"Touch it Danielle. Only you can touch it." Bewildered, Danielle lifted her claw and touched the hard, cold surface of the wall. Right as she touched it, the wall disappeared.
:What!?" She put her claw down into the snow. Andorra's grin widened.
"Now let us go in." Andorra walked into the dark cave first and then Danielle and Herman followed. As they walked in, Danielle looked back to see if the opening was still there. It was.
*********
"Samuel! Wake up!" King Seth banged on the door with his fists.
"Wake up and get ready for battle!" Samuel immediately jumped out of bed. This was the first time in his lifetime that he yearned to get out of bed. He threw on some clothes and then grabbed the armor that sat on a chair next to his bed. He slipped his armor on and then when he finished with the rest, Isabel walked into his room.
"Samuel?" He heard her voice. She wore a golden, laced dress. She picked up his sack and searched through it.
"Good you have everything you need," she told him and gave his pack to him. Then she handed him his sword.
"Thank you," he said.
"Samuel," he heard her say. He looked up and felt her touch his cheek. he was staring into her blue eyes.
"Remember to come home safely. Believe you will and your father too." He nodded.
"Protect him." Samuel gave her a final embrace and then left the room.
***
Maralyn threw her arms around Steven and Adrian hugging them tightly.
"Be safe," she told them. "It has been so very long since this world has had a war. I do not know how this will turn out but do not die." She let go and turned to Samuel's friends.
"Protect them," she said. Judas stepped forward and bowed.
"We will, your highness." King Steven touched his shoulder.
"Thank you so much, old friend.." Judas's heart melted after he heard those words. So many years passed since he saw his old childhood friends. The only one left he wanted to hear left from, was Andorra.
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Hey Sarah!
I like this more and more. The drama is picking up, what with the bandits being separated from Herman and Danielle. The truth being out about Judas and Andorra as well as the war... it's all coming to this. The climax.
One major problem I had here was Samuel. Is he in love with two people? Also, they've been attacked by minotaurs and Herman and Danielle are missing. They've been separated and he spends days trying to tell his family and friends? If he was really worried about what happened he would tell them right away and start planning a way to find his friends again! The delay seemed unrealistic, especially now we know the chemistry between the two characters. Another question that struck me throughout the battle, was why didn't Andorra just kill them? She needed to rid herself of these annoying bandits and instead she sends them home so they can die later in the battle? That seems to be a bit unrealistic there. Maybe they are returned home a different way.... It makes more sense then.
The spelling just keeps getting better and better. I don't think I saw any mistakes! Anyways, I shall read on because I am anxious to know what happens after reading so far into the story. And yeah, there are two more bits to go!
Deanie x
Heylo!
I think you have a totally interesting concept here. I like that she's turned in and out being a dragon at all but find it weird that she doesn't mention pain or anything about what transforming is like at all. Maybe you did that in previous chapters, I'm sorry if I'm showing a bit of ignorance because I haven't read your other chapters!
You have a really good handle on description and on your characters, they all have fairly defined personalities, although they sometimes meld into the same voice and t's hard to remember who you are talking about for that moment. I'd look over your characters and think about what they actually sound like, thinking about tone and accent might alter how you have their syntax and what they say, it will give you some strong backing for everything you are making them do in the story.
I enjoy the dialogue in this but think that it is a little stiff and a bit unnatural. Think of how you'd speak to friends - this is basically how the people in your world will speak to their friends. Consider their priorities and make them relate their feelings dependent on these priorities. Are the bandit's gang members more important, or are they his friends first? Which word would be more appropriate to use?
All in all I really like this chapter, it makes me want to read all those other chapters too! Thank you for writing and posting this, it's a treat!
- Penguin.
Hi sarahnsnow,have a good day.So here is Dark to give review on your story.
Long story here! But I am satisfied when reading it.Actually, in my opinion, the details of the story you are still unable to attract the attention of the reader.
Details of the story are not sufficient and cause limited imagination of the reader.However, I can fully understand the whole story here and thus have an impact on the reader.
I love your writing style here especially when you put much conversations to make it more interesting to read.I really enjoy this story.So keep it up and keep writing here in YWS!
Kudos,cheers
~Dark