E - Everyone

The Last Days Chapter One Part 2: The Four Sorcerers

Silvernist was shoved hard into her bedroom by Aviel’s big hands. Once she landed on the ground on her side, she turned to see Aviel closing the large, heavy metal door.

“I will send another maid to tend to you so for now, sleep.” The door closed and Silvernist stood up and stared at the door. Not very long ago had she snuck into the necropolis and was roaming inside, until she came across a kitchen where there were a few maids cooking food and talking about Aviel; a wizard who lived in the necropolis for over a hundred years and who had known Andorra. Silvernist became interested wanted to meet this wizard so she decided to pose as a maid. When she met the wizard, at first she was to tell her master his breakfast was ready but Instead, he acted strangely telling her that she had a task for him to do. Aviel didn’t even tell her, her task. And what did he mean by training? She began searching her room that was mainly dark and cold although there were torches that were lit vibrantly around her bed and along the walls. Then she walked over to the side of her bed and fell back on top of it, staring at the black ceiling.

Silvernist thought of everything that happened up until now. Her grandmother told her that her mother and father died when was she was a baby so her grandmother raised her. Her life was incredibly hard and full of discrimination. Her hair and eyes kept people away from her; especially Emma and Stella who was rude to her.

“How can boys not like that beautiful face?” Her grandmother would comfort her when she was being bullied and teased. Her grandmother always made her feel better when she was depressed and alone.

Silvernist doubted she even had a purpose in this life. She constantly questioned her existence and wondered, was there really something for her in this world? Was she born this way… for something important? Why was she the only one with silver hair and silver eyes?

She lay on the bed with her eyes closed. Her head began to pound and she felt exhausted from climbing down from the cliff and walking all the way here. Her body and herself needed sleep but she was afraid that when she woke up, she would be back in the village with Louisa and this would all be a dream. Silvernist relaxed and pulled the blankets over her and instantly fell asleep.

***

When Aviel returned to his chamber, he rejoiced. He found a Silver Witch at the right time and he did not even have to search for her. The next morning, Aviel had ordered some new dresses to be taken up to Silvernist an older maid collected them together in her arms and entered Silvernist’s room to give them to her.


Silvernist slept for about an hour and woke up to see the maid enter her room. She took the dresses from the maid who left after and scanned al l of them. But she had a hard time deciding which one to wear. Not one of them was pretty. They were all a dull color either brown of black and the material was tough. She sighed, picked one and slipped it on. She groaned when she started to itch.

“Great,” She complained.

“Excuse me miss, Master Aviel wants to see you,” the maid who came before spoke through the door.

“Alright,” she replied.

Silvernist walked out of her room and walked down the stairs and until she came to the bottom, she roamed through fire lit halls until she came upon a skinny wooden door. She opened it and entered into Aviel’s chamber. She found him reading a large book in the middle of the room in a wooden, rocking chair.

“Shut the door,” he said. She obeyed. Aviel stood up with a sly smile and stood there looking at her. Silvernist stood awkwardly under Aviel’s gaze.

“Now let’s see your magic,” he said, finally breaking the silence. Silvernist looked at him strangely.

“Magic?” She asked. Why in the world did he think that she had magic?

“Yes your magic. You’re a Silver witch,” he replied harshly. He stepped closer. A Silver Witch. What is a Silver Witch? Silvernist wondered. Is that what I am?

“Now close your eyes and think of your magic.” SIlvernist wasn’t sure about anything but did it anyway. It won’t hurt to know… She shut her eyes tightly and breathed deeply, thinking of her magic; If she had any.

Aviel watched her, waiting for anything to happen or appear. Suddenly silver mist appeared out of nowhere and floated around the girl. Magic. It went on for a while and Aviel stood there in amazement watching the mist swirl all around giving off a cold feeling. It all then slowly disappeared and Silvernist’s eyes fluttered open. She had been holding her breath the whole time and was breathing heavily.

“Magnificent!” The wizard exclaimed and ran to the bookshelves. SIlvernist watched him. When all that mist floated around her, she felt calm. It felt as if something freshly cold was moving throughout her body making it parts of her freeze. It was a kind of feeling that felt--- well-- magical.

Aviel turned back to face her holding a great big book. She wondered what it was. Silvernist stepped forward and she then heard him murmur some words.

Aviel needed to learn more information on a silver witches’ power so right now in his hands, he held another book of witches. He turned to a page that said SILVERWITCH.


A silver witch is incredibly powerful, although she can carry the black opal and stand against its powers, she cannot destroy the opal’s powers. A silver witch has great powers. She can create acids that dissolve anything, call upon the winds,has the ability to turn invisible, and can learn almost every spell there is. No evil except the Black Opal's powers can stand against the Silverwitch's magic.

That was all he read and turned around to see Silvernist waiting for him.

“Aviel,” she said.

“What,” he replied.

“I have no idea what’s going on. Why am I doing this?” Aviel sighed and explained.

“You are to help me destroy the kingdoms Zilda and Zelda and… all of the other kingdoms.” Silvernist tilt her head down a bit. Help Aviel destroy all of the kingdoms in their world? She would not…

“I will take no part of evil.” SIlvernist replied firmly. The wizard’s eyes narrowed and he walked toward her.

“You will. I will make sure of that.” Silvernist shook her head again.

“I won’t help you.”

“You can’t refuse me,” Aviel growled. She saw the blade of the dagger in the wizard’s hand. Everything happened so fast before Silvernist could even blink. His dagger slashed the girls cheek and she cried. Blood now dripped down from the long cut that was carved into her jaw.

“Now, will you do as I say?” Aviel questioned. Silvernist nodded and gave in.

Hot tears welled up in her eyes as she touched her cut and looked at the blood that oozed down her fingers. What do I do? She thought. Aviel would force her to join him in his evil plans.

***

The Four Sorcerers; Salvador, Tamas, Azura and Stefan stood tall above a valley of ice and crystal. The icy valley stretched far ahead of them until it reached the ocean although from where they were, it looked as if it went on forever. Crystal Mountains towered above them, rigid and glossy and their pointy tops glinting in the faint sun light. Salvador, the oldest of all the sorcerers, wore a light blue robe and he had a short brown trimmed beard. Tamas stood proud next to him in his black shining robe with sparkling, golden threads sewn into the material across the front, bottom and back. Stefan fixed his green robe which was green as grass, just like his hair which was darker and most unnatural.


Azura's sleek, long golden hair fell around her shoulders, her blue eyes sparkling in wonder. Her beautiful face was pale among the amount of light shining through the clouds. They lived in a cave in the Valley Of Ice. That was their safest place for now after constantly being pestered and followed by Aviel. He wanted to learn more of them, capture them and use their magic like his wife Andorra was wanting. They couldn't let that happen.

Aviel would never know where they were.

***

Comments & reviews · 3
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User avatar
Deanie
Review
Deanie wrote a review · Mon Nov 25, 2013 8:46 pm

Hey there Sarah! I'm sorry I didn't make getting to this for review day, but instead I will write this review now! Thanks for letting me know you posted more.

It was a good continuation of the story, and the plot ever moves forwards. Through your writing we get to see Silvernist practice her first magic, and Aviel feel on top of the world about it! You also got to meet four new interesting characters which seem like they will make a good addition in the future chapters. Just add in a few more master magicians to stir things up ^^

Not very long ago had she snuck into the necropolis and was roaming inside, until she came across a kitchen where there were a few maids cooking food and talking about Aviel; a wizard who lived in the necropolis for over a hundred years and who had known Andorra. Silvernist became interested wanted to meet this wizard so she decided to pose as a maid.


This part of the story just seemed like a reminder of everything that just happened in part one of the first chapter. And if this was a whole book (and it wasn't posted on YWS with such a time gap) it would look really weird to read this after it practically just happened in the book. If I were you, I would cut it all out. So, what about the bit when she is remember the discrimination in her life? Didn't that just happen so I should also cut it out? I'm so glad you asked! Here, it's okay because Silvernist is thinking about all that happened to her, and because she's recalling it, it's okay that we get a little reminder. And it's perfectly fine because it is fairly little.

While reading this I noted a few spelling mistakes and moments where the capital locks was suddenly on. I suggest you read this through yourself and dig out those little mistakes.

So, Silvernist knows that Aviel's plan is evil, but all she gets is cut on the cheek before she gives in? Doesn't she seem very fragile and breakable then? Most people can withstand a lot worse. So maybe, there is a bigger fight here, or something worse happens to Silvernist beforehand as well. Or after. It's up to you! Just make Aviel more menacing.

I wanted a bit more emotion throughout reading this whole thing. It was written well, don't get me wrong, but at times it seemed a little stiff. There were two perfect opportunities where you could've showed us detail. One was when Silvernist first used magic. She's a witch and she never knew! How would you feel? Happy, think it's so cool, get angry, cry, scream or run away. We need to know which Silvernist does, and on top of that, why?! The second opportunity is when she stands up to Aviel. I would just like to feel her determination, dedication and will to do what's right a bit more. But you can still tell it's there.

At the end we get to know the colour of every robe. So I kind of thought they were special. But we never got to know the colour of Azura's robe, so how can we tell if they have a significant meaning or not. What use are these magical people anyways if they're just going to stand towards the back and never show anyone. You've got to be a little more out there with your works.

That's all from me for now! Looking forwards to the next chapter! :D

Deanie x

User avatar
yubbies21
Review

Hello!

It's been a while since I reviewed some fantasy chapters, but this peaked my interest.

One thing I noticed was the excellent descriptions threaded all through-out the story. It gave it a unique feel, and was easier to picture in my mind. Some of the descriptions were beautiful, long, and just simply amazing. My favorites included:

The icy valley stretched far ahead of them until it reached the ocean although from where they were, it looked as if it went on forever. Crystal Mountains towered above them, rigid and glossy and their pointy tops glinting in the faint sun light.

Azura's sleek, long golden hair fell around her shoulders, her blue eyes sparkling in wonder. Her beautiful face was pale among the amount of light shining through the clouds.


At the beginning, this part seems to move to quickly. Slow it down, describe more. Tell us what the character feels.
The door closed and Silvernist stood up and stared at the door. Not very long ago had she snuck into the necropolis and was roaming inside, until she came across a kitchen where there were a few maids cooking food and talking about Aviel; a wizard who lived in the necropolis for over a hundred years and who had known Andorra. Silvernist became interested wanted to meet this wizard so she decided to pose as a maid. When she met the wizard, at first she was to tell her master his breakfast was ready but Instead, he acted strangely telling her that she had a task for him to do. Aviel didn’t even tell her, her task. And what did he mean by training? She began searching her room that was mainly dark and cold although there were torches that were lit vibrantly around her bed and along the walls. Then she walked over to the side of her bed and fell back on top of it, staring at the black ceiling.


Over-all, this was an excellent work, and I can't wait to read more.

Happy Review Day!

yubbies21

User avatar
Snowery
Review
Snowery wrote a review · Sat Nov 23, 2013 2:12 am

Hi sarahnsnow!! Silver here!! Haha kind of like Silvernist from your story.
I really like your story. It has an interesting plot and I like how she's being forced to fight for the wrong side, which is really quite different.

"Not very long ago had she snuck into the necropolis and was roaming inside, until she came across a kitchen where there were a few maids cooking food and talking about Aviel; a wizard who lived in the necropolis for over a hundred years and who had known Andorra. Silvernist became interested wanted to meet this wizard so she decided to pose as a maid. At first she was to tell her master his breakfast was ready but Instead, he acted strangely telling her that she had a task for him to do. Aviel didn’t even tell her, her task."
I found this part confusing and slightly disjointed. I'm not sure if you're talking about something that had happened before or what is happening now or if it's both. I think that you're tenses here just need a little bit of tweaking.

"When Aviel returned to his chamber, he rejoiced. He would soon have that black opal and finally, he would attack his enemies and destroy them… then he would even maybe take over the world…"
I thought that this was unnecessary as it didn't really tell the reader something that they weren't going to find out later in the story. Also I felt that it was a bit awkward because it didn't transition well to Silvernist's p.o.v. I would just cut that line out.

In your silverwitch definition:

"A silver witch has great powers." I thought that this was unnecessary as you had already mentioned that they were incredibly powerful.
Also:
"One is she can create acids that dissolve anything, call upon the winds, invisibility and can learn almost every spell there is."
With this sentence, I think it would be better if you just started at "she can" because the "one thing" sounds slightly disjointed.

Overall I really liked this story. It flowed really well and has a really interesting plot. I love the name Silvernist and I think that you're really onto something. Can't wait to read more!! Happy writing!! :) :) :)

Silverlock

Thanks for the review! :)



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