Young Writers Society

Hello! Nice work, I can tell this subject means a lot to you. A few suggestions: You have some rhymes sneaking in in the 2nd and last stanza and that threw me off, as you didn't have rhymes elsewhere. You did a good job in the first 2 stanzas with images, but the last two stanzas drifted into abstraction: "overseen by cruelty", "scarred by death", "lost youth" are very abstract concepts that don't really pack the emotional punch that it should. Ground those ideas, choose more concrete images. Good luck

I'm thinking one more review before I call it a night. But that might just be me lying to myself.

The same eyes once bursting with light have sunken in and completely lost sight

Any kindness they've experienced has been overseen by cruelty

And any lives they've ever lived

There is hope hidden somewhere for the lost youth

Knight Dragon, here to review on this lovely Review Day!

Technical:
"Their young faces have been corrupted by war

The same faces that were once so full of life have dried up like vacant wells

The same eyes once bursting with light have sunken in and completely lost sight."

You should put some punctuation at the end of those first two lines. Maybe commas, or periods.

"The same voices once full of laughter have withered up like dry grass...

And any dreams they've ever held on to have been shattered like broken glass"

You could put the ellipses at the end of the second line, and put a comma after the first. Or, a comma after the first and period after the second.

"Any kindness they've experienced has been overseen by cruelty

And any lives they've ever lived have been scarred by death

The children who were once alive are still breathing, but have long since died."

Same comment as the first stanza.

"There is hope hidden somewhere for the lost youth, but their scars will remain

It will take some time before they rebuild themselves and their lives are regained..."

Same comments as the second stanza.

Question: why did you put so many lines in between the third and last stanzas? The poem's fine without them. Of course that's just my opinion.

Hi arianaSarroyo,Dark here with a review on your poem!

I love the poem that convey a message about the war. It should be a poem that educate and reap the sympathy of readers.

# Their young faces have been corrupted by war

The same faces that were once so full of life have dried up like vacant wells

The same eyes once bursting with light have sunken in and completely lost sight.-->Through the first stanza, you say that the war has robbed their childhood, life and the strength in their eyes (light)/Their future. So I think 'lost sight' here is something that making them lost hopes/direction on life.I like the simile 'dried up like a vacant wells'.The same as the two lines on second stanza;

The same voices once full of laughter have withered up like dry grass...

And any dreams they've ever held on to have been shattered like broken glass

Any kindness they've experienced has been overseen by cruelty

And any lives they've ever lived have been scarred by death

The children who were once alive are still breathing, but have long since died.

There is hope hidden somewhere for the lost youth, but their scars will remain

It will take some time before they rebuild themselves and their lives are regained...