Make me a sun

Hey! Overall, this was a good poem, but there were a few areas that just didn't flow well. I realize that this is poetry, but there are still various ways of getting a point across with not only your words, but also your punctuation. The constant flow (or lack there of) of commas makes it hard for we your readers to follow, and thus not allowing for us to see this poem the way that you, as the writer, envisioned it. Other than that, however.. keep up the good work!

"And then I could sketch,

all your secrets." This line has a weird rhythm. So instead of "all your secrets" try "all OF your secrets" don't capitalize the of, just add it in there. Also,
"Dearest tragedy,

let me search your soul.

I hear it's endless.

Then I can trace,

all the gaps,

and smudge them with charcoal." You added in a rhyme. No other lines in the poem rhyme, so it disrupts the reader from reading the poem when you suddenly through a rhyme in that line and don't include them anywhere.
I like your poem, I love the repetition of Dearest Tragedy. What IS the Dearest Tragedy? I'm just curious to know, what is this poem about?

Knight Dragon, here to review!

All right, punctuation was the biggest thing for me. I felt the first stanza had very odd punctuation, and it didn't seem to direct the flow at all, which is what punctuation does. Remember, periods break and commas pause.
More focused punctuation pointers:
"And then I could sketch, /all your secrets." The comma is unnecessary and disrupts reading flow.

"Then I can trace, /all the gaps, /and smudge them with charcoal." Again, the commas are unnecessary. Reading flow is better without them.

"May I hear your voice,/one word is enough." I felt like this comma should have been a period, and that period a comma, to help with reading flow. That last line in the quote flows into the next, so putting a period isolates it from its mate, "To know the colours," And that comma separates "To know..." from "of the lifeless shadows.", which is part of the same train of thought, so delete the comma after "colours".

Hope this helps!

Deleted.Sorry doubled post here^^!

Hi EnchantedPanda,so here is Dark to give review on your poem.

I really like the concept of your poem here.You managed to portray the tragedy in poetic form even though tragedy is certainly not something that is pleasing.

# Dearest tragedy,
as deep as you pierce.
Buried in a cloudy space,
waiting for the sun to rise.-->Use of diction is very well and give an impact to the reader.
Bring me the sky,-->But these both 2 lines seems a bit awkward here.Maybe the metaphor doesn't really fit here.
and paint it red.

Anyway,there are parts that I like here;

# Dearest tragedy,

finish what we have started.

Let your hands,

swirl patterns.

I love the end too even though it doesn't really make sense ;

# Dearest tragedy,

make me a sun. -->I realized that this maybe a simile.Good job!
Keep it up!
Kudos,cheers
~Dark