Young Writers Society

i like the use of varying sentance lengths. you used alot of "advanced" words something i dont see in works very often. you seem to know what you"re doing and have a very vivid imagination and make it easy for the reader to connect and see what you saw while writing this peice. i didnt see many mistakes, if i saw any at all, but dont take my word for it, im not one who notices that kind of thing alot. but all in all, this is a good peice of writing.

The yubster is here again to review another terrific piece of poetry, and this one caught my attention. I won't be too hard on you today therealme, but I will point out several things that I believe could be made even better than they already are.

I must give you this notice this is for review day so it won't be to big.
makes me feel a slight tingle in my body

You used oodles of descriptive words that make the poem come alive. An example is the third line of the poem.
“Dancing across the smooth eroded rocks warmed by the sun,”
Using uncommon descriptions gives a more accurate picture and a certain feeling to the poem, almost as if I were living it for myself. I mean to say, you do something unique every time you add description. You could have just said “Running across warm rocks,”, but the added words just make your poem that much better.
Just because I can, I’m going to congratulate every single word in this entire poem, because if there is one thing the yubster loves, it is descriptive words and added details.

Hey little author here,

So I loooove this poem. It reminds me so much of me when I was younger and I thought it was very beautiful. I noticed that the people before me had notified you about the errors so I will go on with the good. This put a real image in my head and I could tell this had deep meaning to you. I tried writing a poem like this one, but I miserably failed so 10 points for you!

Keep writing

Hiya! The yubster is here again to review another terrific piece of poetry, and this one caught my attention. I won't be too hard on you today therealme, but I will point out several things that I believe could be made even better than they already are. I will also point out several excellent phrases, words, descriptions, lines, stanza's; basically anything that I think is awesome!

The stanza's were the first thing that caught my attention, with their irregular line patterns. Poetry is not meant to be cased in with a lot of rules, and that's why I always fall in love with poems that have unusual line ups; the authors understand the rewarding freedom of poetry.

You used oodles of descriptive words that make the poem come alive. An example is the third line of the poem.
“Dancing across the smooth eroded rocks warmed by the sun,”
Using uncommon descriptions gives a more accurate picture and a certain feeling to the poem, almost as if I were living it for myself. I mean to say, you do something unique every time you add description. You could have just said “Running across warm rocks,”, but the added words just make your poem that much better.
Just because I can, I’m going to congratulate every single word in this entire poem, because if there is one thing the yubster loves, it is descriptive words and added details.

“The barefoot runner leaps silently over the ground
With the energy of an exuberant child.

Dancing across the smooth eroded rocks warmed by the sun,
Curling her toes between the tickling grass blades,
Shrieking with laughter at the chilling waters of a stream,
Kicking beach sand high into the air with delight,
Sinking her feet deeper into the dense, heavy mud,
Tiptoeing across sharp, merciless gravel roads,
Climbing the rough bark of a great oak tree.

Taking in every simple detail.

The barefoot runner treads silently over the ground
With no more energy left to spare
Feet slipping calmly under the soft, inviting covers
With so many memories imprinted on their worn souls.”
Now for the nit picks. There are some repeated descriptions, extra words, words used in the wrong way, but It’s nothing major and can be fixed easily.



The barefoot runner leaps silently over the ground
With the energy of an exuberant child.

Dancing across the smooth eroded rocks warmed by the sun,
Curling her toes between the tickling grass blades,
Shrieking with laughter at the chilling waters of a stream,
Kicking beach sand high into the air with delight,
Sinking her feet deeper into the dense, heavy mud,
Tiptoeing across sharp, merciless gravel roads,
Climbing the rough bark of a great oak tree.

Taking in every simple detail.

The barefoot runner treads silently noiselessly over the ground
With no more energy left to spare
Feet slipping calmly under the soft, inviting covers;
With so Many memories imprinted on their worn souls soles.


I have to say that no other poem that I have read anywhere was quite this good. I’m begging you to keep writing. This is normally the part where I wish you good luck, but you really don’t need it! Keep up the good work! I look forward to reviewing your work again soon.
Happy review day!
yubbies21

Hello there here is a me with a review I must give you this notice this is for review day so it won't be to big.

Hopes it helps.

I think that "on" would be a lot better in

The barefoot runner leaps silently over the ground

Hmmm...makes me feel a slight tingle in my body. Gotta say, i love it. Gets me all ruffled up and looking for more.
But i guess the only thing missing for "me" is the lack of rhymes. I know it's kinda childish or whatever but the truth is that i LOVE poems that rhyme. Don't get me wrong because i really do like your poems, but i'd have preferred a little rhyme or two in there. But all in all, it was the BOMB.