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Young Writers Society


16+ Violence

Quint.3.

by Burrow


Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for violence.

Quint slowly walked towards the compound of T.R.. He had walked from Norway’s capitol which was hundreds of kilometres away, and was exhausted. Yet there was still an important job he must complete before he got some rest.

Quint’s mind was fuzzy and he could hardly concentrate as he walked into the large ceramic dome. Its purple lights faded as night became day. His muscles were aching and he was irritated by all the Tronlin’s walking around him, beeping away on their little gadgets, while whispering small remarks to their companions.

Quint was extremely annoyed at their lack of focus on the task at hand. Yet he wasn’t as angry at them, as he was so often extremely angry at his commanders, the twin leaders of their so called rebel movement. They were not only slow at completing their work but they were also cruel.Making Quint walk back, while letting his commander teleport, hardly seemed fair.

Quint was furious at their behaviours, and infuriated that he wasn’t allowed to retire to his quarters.Instead he had hours of meetings ahead to explain what had happened during his “important” mission. And he had medical appointments and fitness check-ups.

This was all to make sure that their knight in shining armour would be fit to fight another day, and would remain their little pawn. He didn’t complain though, that would unproductive to the important task ahead.

Quint walked into to his commander’s office with a blank expression on his face. His mind was filled with many thoughts, his mind was much too busy for him to start talking.

“How was your travel home, officer Quint?” his large commander asked him, while straightening his cap over his mess of curly orange hair. He opened his second mouth and started gnawing on a large green and purple fruit.

“Hardly interrupted, Sir!” said Quint saluting. “Though on my way out of the city I was attacked. An intergalactic stealth squad took an interest in me; I eliminated them, and they are now nothing but a pile of rubble.”

“As they should be” the officer said, smirking to the black shaded window. “Well I already know how your mission went; it was a success” smiled the commander. Quint had another thought, and interrupted his commander’s contemplation.

“How many dead?” Quint asked with a stern look on his face.

“That is not important my soldier, your task is finished. Now report to the medial centre” said the commander flatly. Quint took a step forward and slammed his hand down on the large brown oak desk, “How many dead?” he asked with a firm and menacing look at his commander.

“How dare yo-“he was cut off half way through the sentence, by Quint. “How many?” he shouted, spraying spittle into the commander’s already sweating face. He didn’t answer his question, so Quint quickly moved forward, and leaning over the desk he grasped his commander’s throat, and slowly start to crush it. “How many dead?” he asked calmly as he strangled his commander. “Th…th…three th…thousand” said his officer, struggling for breath. Quint looked at him in horror, his hand loosened as he stumbled back, his hands reaching to his head. Breathing heavily, he felt his soul draining from his body, not wanting to be part of such a horrible machine.

He didn’t know what to do. Was it his fault, that so many were dead? What was his path now? One for three-thousand hardly seemed fair, but it was a step towards forgiveness. Maybe he should kill himself? Maybe he should go to the front line?

His commander slowly started to regain his footing.He started to pull out a hand gun, and releasing the safety he brought it up level with Quint’s face. “Ho-how dare you attack me?” he yelped at Quint.

Quint wasn’t scared of his commander, and now he must act. There was time for sorrow later, but first his survival instincts kicked in, no matter how he wanted to give up.

Quint lurched forward slamming the gun out of his commander’s hand.With his other hand he grabbed him by the throat and he held him up in the air.He shoved the claw of his free hand into his mouth, ripping it, splattering blood over his own face. “You did this, you were the one who completed the task. Not me!” his commander struggled to say out of his second mouth.

Quint threw him forward slamming him against the wall, snapping his neck. He elbowed him in the guts and stabbed him through the neck, just to make sure he was dead.

He turned around and walked out of the room as he heard the siren start to go off in the distance. The attack had started. “I believe they are retaliating, are they not? They aren’t after me, they are after you.” silently Quint spoke to himself as he walked out.


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83 Reviews


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Mon Dec 15, 2014 5:37 am
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EscaSkye wrote a review...



Hey Jack! Right. You asked me for a review that was focused more on the story rather than grammar, so I'll do just that.

Like Therese said, it's well-written, however, part of me thinks that Quint's rage was sudden. I know that he didn't like the commander and his mission, but attacking and killing him right away made me stare at the monitor. I understood why he killed all those he did in Chapter 2, but for this one, I'm not too sure I do. I'm not saying it's bad that he snapped, but it kind of feels like it came out of nowhere. I'd reckon that if he was going to kill his commander anyway, why not in the first chapter when they were together? Sure, maybe it was because of his survival instincts, but based on the previous installment, I would have guessed he could have easily just dodged or blocked it. This might just be me, but I'd like too see more reason behind this action.

That aside, you make me wonder where he's going to go now. Having murdered a high ranking officer, I'd guess that he'd be hunted down soon by the people he worked with. Considering that he's a hybrid , I want to see who would take him in. Maybe he'll end up taking care of himself? I don't know and I want to find out.

Overall, good job Jack! You're improving. Keep on writing and please correct me for any mistakes I might have said.




Burrow says...


Thanks! He actually killed him, because other wise the commander would have killed him, and he was the one who made Quint kill 3000 people without knowing, what would you do?

Jack



EscaSkye says...


I don't understand how he wouldn't know though, since he specifically asked how many, meaning he was aware that he'd cause people's death.

As for that killing commander part, I mentioned that I'd figure he could dodge or block it. I mean, from what he did, then he'll only make more people hunt him down. If he calmed or just planned revenge for another day, he may be safer. Just my two cents.



Burrow says...


They are aliens, not humans, so I suppose there is a difference. Also Quint only thought he would kill like 10 max, not 3000 so yeah. Anyway I guess you have a good point :)



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Sun Dec 14, 2014 9:06 pm
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ThereseCricket wrote a review...



Hi! Cricket here for a review!

Good to see another chapter posted, man. Saw this and remembered that I was reviewing this for you. So here goes.

First thing I noticed was that you start a lot of sentences/paragraphs with Quint did this, or Quint did that. I counted about the first six paragraphs with Quint did this and that. Then you had some dialogue and then you went back into the Quint did this and that. When reading it out with the sole thought of trying to get a good picture of everything, it sounds extremely redundant. Don't get me wrong, this was well written. But the way you started these paragraphs, was very redundant. Shoot for a varied way of starting your paragraphs. If you need to start them with an action by the MC, then try to do it without always naming him. Starting with he is sometimes better than always naming the MC. Just try to work on that a bit.

Quint slowly walked towards the compound of T.R.. He had walked from


The two words in red install redundancy. With redundancy, you just need to remember to read through your works out loud, and the redundant parts will stick out and you'll be able to correct them.

His muscles were aching and he was irritated by all the Tronlin’s walking around him, beeping away on their little gadgets, while whispering small remarks to their companions.


I'm not entirely sure about this way that you structure your sentences. It's like you dwell on aspect of the sentence and then you go into an entirely different topic, but without dwelling on the first one enough. See, here we have two different elements to the sentence that are separated by the comma, and each element of the sentence needs to be grounded firmly. Here, you have four words that dwell on his aching muscles and nothing else that really gives us the idea that his muscles are indeed aching. Try to dwell more on the details, so that we get a good idea of everything. I mean, if you just said his muscles are aching and you don't go into it that much, I wouldn't really care. I'd toss it aside like it's not that big of a deal and keeping going on with the story. That little detail that may not seem very important right now, but this is also an example for now. This goes for just about everything when you write. You need to make sure that you pay enough attention to the small details, and get the point across. Does this make sense? :D If not, then say so and I'll explain it.

quarters.Instead


I think there's a space missing here.

Now report to the medial centre” said


One typo that is fairly consistent throughout this work, is that several times you forgot the punctuation on the end of a dialogue sentence. So here you would just have a comma, for now.

Well I already know how


Comma after well.

“That is not important my soldier


Comma after important. ^^

Overall, this was good. ^ ^ Mainly, because there was a bit of action and it was told well, that action. You have this style that, while it is complicated in its own way, it is also simply put across. Which means that it reads out nice, while still giving out the feel that it's of worth. What mainly needs to be worked on is grammar, man. Most of the stuff is just the general typos, but there are too many. Make sure to read through before posting, and work on the dialogue punctuation. Normally people don't have problems with forgetting the punctuation, but in this case I think it's the case. It's not that big of a deal of course, but just something to keep in mind that needs to be worked on. xD

Anyway, hope this helps and let me know if you have any questions!

~Cricket




Burrow says...


I actually really tired with the grammar, and spent a hour fixing it, with my dad, I didn't mean to miss that stuff, but if you saw my earlier work, it is a improvement, considering I didn't even know what semi colon was. As for always using Quint at the sentence, basically I was told I was using to much of he, so I changed it, but yeah I need to work on that.

But anyway thanks for the review, and the tips :)




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