Young Writers Society

GIF Source:https://mini-moss.tumblr.com/post/187621403554/moon-thief-twitter-instagram-print-shop
GIF Source: SP. 113 - Ghost in the Shell (1995), via https://scipunk.tumblr.com/
Title based on Duvet by Boa

Thank you so much for the kind and thoughtful comments, @alliyah and @AtlasWut ! <3

Downright brilliant. I honestly don’t know where to start. I love your play of words, especially on the word “ghost.” It’s a homonym of the word “goes” so it suits perfectly when verbalised and that it’s phenomenally perfect for the mood of the poem because it gives this haunting and ghastly vibe.

Secondly, the “November//falling in pixels.” One, love the imagery. And two, love the play of words because November is associated with autumn or fall <3 So much details in this poem, stop being so talented ma’am.

oh my goodness after reading the last lines, everything just came together! I love love it. I could finally imagine what this “carmine cleft was” and how mental the character was in the lines “if we don’t [sic], won’t they be bereft?” + that formerly obtrusive or mocking smiley face morphed into innocence, for me. I felt genuine pity because that is their morals because that’s how they were programmed. It’s also probably bolstered by the last three lines. They can’t really process how “awful” it is, but you’ve inserted a very humane character in them, which is the urge to fulfill their purpose.

Did that make sense? Does it even make sense at all at this point? Yea no but these trojan horses are definitely my favourite complex character now. Justice for trojan horses [although they’re not really welcome in my laptop lolol]

Quick disclaimer: I have no idea what some tech jargons are or how the hardware of any tech devices actually work so I couldn’t really understand it in that aspect. However, I tried treating them as if they’re three separate stanzas that are metaphors of reality and I’ve actually found what I’ve interpreted interesting oh my. So as a dumb person, I’m here to assure that even someone as dumb as me got something great in this wonderful wonderful poem.

I love the first tanka the most. It’s very relatable and creative. It could be an allegory of students and workers who overwork themselves to death.

--my brain could not process the second one. I am so sorry. “This dead voice meandering” is probly an allusion to my intelligence --

And I’ve imagined two different scenarios of the third one wow. First is the idea that it is an already decomposed corpse and ants are starting to swarm over it. And the second one is lung cancer. Erm. Idk. I don’t think you should search it because it’s disturbing to look at but a ruined lungs looked like a swarm of ants in the ribs

How do you keep getting such incredible ideas?? Shakespeare is quaking
Like come. On.

marionette-makers know how machines work and exploit it

I don’t even think my commentary is necessary for this one ^^ Even the line before that had such powerful imagery. It shows how she/he’s gradually losing herself.

insects are made of drones

>> can you stop writing such beautiful imagery. Stop. lol xx

Honestly, this whole segment gives off a tech or advanced dystopian-vibe and I’m here for it!!

you’re an expert in writing poems that make a full circle. The relation of static was only mentioned in the very last part >> white noise and can I just say that I had to stare at the screen for a moment before reading the line (and the whole poem again)

And these could honestly be a sequel to 140. I’ve interpreted it as how she tries to recall all her memories through the help of some >> we imagine connections where you claimed >> and also I loved the line, “the mess you maimed,” it’s such an ingenious way of saying, “the mess you fixed.” maybe it’s because i love alliterations -- im probably lost in alliteration ok nvm that i wrote that at this point, i’m starting to believe that the words are bending at your will the sorcery

But on a serious note, like I said, I reread it again and came to another interpretation.

Is there an issue or topic that means enough to you?

^ ^ It had such a customer service staff tone. And the:

hyperlinks between--whatever you’ve seen

And I’m starting to imagine Google? Or the search engine in general and how it is a chaos of info that us humans would explode if we knew all infos in there. So that’s why it’s just “an” issue, a highly specific idea.

I’m not entirely certain but it reminds me of the idea of research and essays and how we organised different sources and explain them in a more cohesive and logical manner >> which concurs with “the mess you maimed” line right? And even “honeybee--//hive of stories, reality hard to pin” is a metaphor for how we can never really trust every info on the internet because disinformation and misinformation is rampant.

I’ve researched about Ayanami, Rei and it’s an anime character? Well, I didn’t really do much gleaning of info after that since I wanted to test if your poem could stand alone without me knowing that and it did!! <3

Frankly, I didn’t feel like these were said by three different characters. It felt like they represent the three stages of insanity

1>desperation > willing to be used, willing to do anything so that he/she/it won’t feel left out or neglected
2>Loneliness > i don’t think this one needs further explanation ”rows of silicon masses are folding forward…” evokes such great imagery
3>madness>it’s akin the concept of “i’m willing to destroy/kill myself in the process if that’s the expense of killing you.” AND CAN I JUST SAY, the last two lines!! AH sTOP that literally reminded me of that vid where a snake would look directly at you (through the screen), then just suddenly try to bite through it? It’s like a jumpscare of some sort and the monitor just suddenly black out?

I couldn’t quite remember. I think it’s Taylor Swift’s reputation gif. I can’t remember but that imagery’s so fascinating here! Because the snake symbolises betrayal and that’s definitely the case here. It started from willing to serve and looking for love from whoever he/she/it’s talking to capriciously destroying/killing that person. It actually feels open ended for me because It elicited more questions like, did the speaker do it for revenge and not just betrayal? Revenge for being used? >> ngl just got this idea because it reminds me so much of TS’ Reputation album (spoiler alert: such a bop)

Inspired by @Liebensteiner's prompt: 'coloring out of the lines' !