Young Writers Society

the other day my brother really showed his true colors and announced to my entire family that i am "corrupted" and "damaged goods," just for being queer. he had said something similar in the heat of the moment a few weeks earlier, but he had apologized. i know now that his original apology was not sincere. my mother tried to talk to him, saying, "[brother's name], you can't say that, that is wrong." my brothers response was "i don't care."

my brother is autistic, and my dad seems to think that his disability is an excuse for his extreme homophobia towards me. i've had several people tell me that my brother "has the right to his opinion." i, however, am no longer willing to have a relationship with my brother. he has a disability, but he does know right and wrong. i have not received any kind of apology from my brother, and i know that i never will. he has shown that his love for me was always conditional, and that being straight was one of those conditions. i've lost my brother, and i don't think i'll ever get him back. i don't think i'll ever want him
back in my life, to be honest. people like him don't change.

i have been staying away from thinking about what happened, because i know it will knock me off my feet for days. i haven't told my girlfriend because i don't want to worry her anymore than she already is about my situation at home. conveniently, my therapist is on vacation, so i won't get to talk to her about this for another week. i am doing what i can to survive in the same home as a person who hates me for something i can't control, the same way he can't control being autistic. it hurts. it really fucking hurts. but i'm trying.