bubblewrapped

To be frank, there was very little I liked about this poem. Your language was inconsistent; one minute it was simple ("causing your body to burn to dust") the next ...

I love the style of this, and the tone. Unfortunately, it isn't quite sophisticated enough somehow to pull off what you're going for. The verses feel too disconnected and incoherent ...

Well, it was OK. It was a bit pointless, to my way of thinking; the reader is offered very little context in which to place the scene you describe, and ...

Basically? It's a pretty image, and passably executed (although your rhythm and rhyme scheme could use a bit of work), but there's no point to it. What does the reader ...

I liked this - it was unusual, but well executed. You have some vivid imagery and the story is quite arresting. One nit-pick I do have is the over-use of ...

Hi bethany, welcome to YWS! There are two main things I'd like to see you do with this poem. The first is spelling. You may not know this, but YWS ...

You have some great stuff here, but right now it's overshadowed by the weaker lines and some poor wording. I seem to think I must be like her Delicate, patient, ...

Hi there alyam11, welcome to YWS! I'm going to suggest here that you put this into poetry format - right now, it's more like prose, you know? So you might ...

I agree; the first stanza is the strongest, although "quiver" should not be repeated in such close proximity. I'd skip the second stanza altogether - it adds nothing to the ...

Very unusual style, but well-executed. I felt the first three verses were the stronger; the last two seem to wander from the point a bit and are not as neatly ...

The concept has potential but the execution is, to put it bluntly, poor. Be kind to your readers and expand on your ideas a bit, preferably with some more imagery. ...

I have no religious objection to this, if that's what you're worried about, but to be honest it's not a very good poem. As Phoebe said, the repetition does nothing ...

That was beautiful. Lovely flow, excellent structure and pacing. I can safely say that's the best poem I've read today :) In fact, I can't really find much to critique. ...

Welcome to YWS! To be perfectly frank, this poem was hard to read. Two things they don't teach you in school, aside from the fact that poetry doesn't have to ...

Welcome to YWS! I was surprised to find that I quite liked this poem; usually poetry entitled "Hate" ends up being a mish-mash of badly rhymed verses, and it was ...