Young Writers Society

This poem really didn't feel like poetry. I got no emotion from the poem, just facts. I think if you describe it a bit more, and flesh it out, it has potential to be interesting.

nothing to hate it for at all... in fact it was okay cept 4 the repetition

I have no religious objection to this, if that's what you're worried about, but to be honest it's not a very good poem. As Phoebe said, the repetition does nothing for it and there is no emotion or imagery for the reader to connect with. I really can't see the point to it.

It passes as a warm-up, but next time try for something a little less formulaic and a little more poetic.

Cheers,
~bubbles

I have to say, I don't hate it for the reasons I think you feared--but truly, I cannot say I like it at all. The repetition is mind-numbing, and while I think there is something to be said for your idea and its potential--as long as you avoid anything too navel-gazing or emo--this, I'm afraid, I cannot describe as anything vaguely reminiscent of "good poetry."

Better luck next time.

This was pretty good. I expected something really dark and depressing (you know, the garden variety sad poem). You did a really good job of staying away from that though. The only thing I would suggest is when you write, "The truth is" you should make that line a separate stanza and the, on the next stanza, continue with the rest of the poem so that it flows better. When you just have it all in one stanza then the pattern you have about writing something about the devil and then your response is kind of broken but if you make it a separate stanza, it's more like a pause and then a continuation. Otherwise, nice job.