Via

I like the idea behind this. But it seems like you take forever to get to the point. You take several stanza to explain things that have absolutely nothing to ...

Unfortunately, no...you really don't pick that up. It's obvious that the poem is about a photograph, because of the title [this is why they make those things] but the poem ...

You can fight for your country Make your neighbours proud, Go and win them over, The war you have found . On this well as the last..."Proud" and "Found" just ...

Mm I have to agree with the confusing last line. And the line "the moment is the future"...I feel like you were just trying to find something to fill in ...

This, although I understand what you are talking about, is very very hard to read. There are just too many large words one after another--try reading it aloud to yourself...it's ...

Raw and beautiful I take in a breath of ripe air and slowly release it out through my mouth. The bolded lines. Let's see. They are just....not appealing. Say something ...

Mmkay. The awesome. I little cliche', but awesome all the same. But the poem doesn't seem to have a beginning or an end? It's like reading just the middle of ...

I actually liked the randomness. I think that was well done. But, as expected...I have some issues for you! First and foremost, punctuation is a must. Am I just nothing? ...

I like the content. But to me it seems like your rhythm screams "rhyme!" ...but the poem doesn't rhyme, so that throws me off. That might be just me, though. ...

Please take your work seriously. YWS can help you learn to write very well, but you have to give us something real to work with first. We aren't here to ...

The imagery is good. But I have a few suggestions... is uninterested and absorbed in something far removed from us, from this moment. These three lines read funny...I think it ...

I'm not quite sure about this, either. I like the idea...but I'm not sure about the poem. I can't even tell you why! It just doesn't sit right with me ...

The idea is sweet. Sweet it is. But honestly, the poem is not. There is no rhythm at all here...reading it you have a hard time staying with it because ...

I agree. That part is thrown off a little. I think the problem may be that third line, maybe rephrase it? Also, I'm not really sure if you really meant ...

I'm not very good at critiques of lyrical writing, because i dont have the beat, tone, anything else with it. So, the only advice I can really give you is ...