Published November 9, 2006
A crisp Autumn morning,
with a chill in the air.
I wrap my scarf arond me
tighter.
The crunch of the leaves,
a colourful display.
Like a sunset in
the horizon.
The beat of my heart,
as I walk further on.
A butterfly dancing
ahead.
The sun rising
inbetween the trees
costing in it's soft rays
on my head.
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141,367 Literary Works • 674,383 Reviews
i'mnot very good with titles xxx
Gah... You got the Sound of Music song stuck in my head! *hums*
Anyway, this poem has lovely imagery. Autumn is my favorite season.
This is a bit cliche, like write me said, but it's nice all the same.
I like the way the poem flow's. I like the way that it reminds af a beautful day
Mmkay. The imagery...is awesome. I little cliche', but awesome all the same.
But the poem doesn't seem to have a beginning or an end? It's like reading just the middle of a novel...you have no idea how you got there and no idea where you go from there.
Also, this line is just not agreeing with the rest of the poem, it jars you before you make it very far.
Imagery is great, though!
Yeah... when you write poetry, you not only have to worry about the poem being good, but the title as well! If you are going to make a new work with a previous work's title, it has to connect with the previous title's accomplishment... or something.
Watch out for the evil cliches... I know you want to display something pretty and everything, but you're letting cliches write the story instead of giving us an image from your heart. And that's really the important thing. ^_^;;
Hope that helps!
It's got a light feel to it, which is nice, and i like the image. beware of cliches, however - try to come up with new words, not just the ones that come to mind first because you've heard them so many times. While whoever came up with 'crisp' to describe autumn air was surely a genius, it is now second nature to associate autumn with crisp. Autumn leaves do crunch, but perhaps you could work on finding a different way to say that. And sunsets in poetry are all-too-often seen as unoriginal (sadly). My favorite line was the one about the butterfly dancing - it sort of pulled my gaze up out of the poem to my own memories. That was nice.
this is good, but is the Title 'My favourite things'? Cos if it is i would reccomend changing that cos of theconnection with The SOund of MUsic lol, but yes a beautifukl peice of work.