At least to die with dignity
At home with your own mam
Is better than in the trenches
A gun still in your hand.
You're told to fight the battle
For all those still at home,
who's age has reached the boundary
So they do not have to go.
The loss of your own comrade's
fills your heart with dread,
There is no decent service
To lay them down to rest.
The front line is the hell pit
Where gas bombs slowly fall,
And fill your heart with bitterness
To death you sadly crawl.
At least to die with dignity
At home with your own mam?
Is it better than in the trenches
A gun still in your hand?
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,857 Reviews
I like the content. But to me it seems like your rhythm screams "rhyme!" ...but the poem doesn't rhyme, so that throws me off. That might be just me, though.
Also...in this stanza you DO have a rhyme in the ABCB format...but there are no other rhymes in the poem--so I would reword that or something to rid the entire poem of rhyme...it sounds odd when just one stanza rhymes.
Very Decent!
I liked this. There was one thing that kinda' interupted the flow.
The end doesn't really rhyme. But I couldn't think of anything that would. Still a great poem.
I love this poem, especially the first and last stanzas, and adding the question marks to the original lines makes it all the more plaintive. I like the theme of dignity, and the imagery. The part
confused me a little, though. I wasn't sure if it meant that they didn't have a service, or that no service could ever make things right. I really found it hit something in me though; very nice.Wow this is really good and i cant say anything you need to improve on. I will say this is one of the best poems i have read, well done