Published November 9, 2006
not quite sure about this
Petals crisp in the frost
That melts away by noon
Leaving a perfect flower
Life can freeze with emotion
Drilling out the hole is sad
But you learn to cover your tracks
I am like a petal in the morning
Sometimes frosty with passion
But it always melts away eventually
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141,360 Literary Works • 674,381 Reviews
Hmmm... nice imagery, but this doesn't flow right.
I'd advise getting rid of the second "Frost" in Stanza 1. And the last bit needs some work too, it ends on such a passive, indifferent tone.
I'd have to agree with writeme when she calls the quoted line confusing - it makes you stop and backtrack to try to figure out what you missed.
~Dreamy
I'm not quite sure about this, either. I like the idea...but I'm not sure about the poem.
I can't even tell you why! It just doesn't sit right with me or something...maybe a little too wordy for only three, three line stanzas...spread it out a little possibly?
also, the line below is a little confusing upon first read...
I don't know...but this is going to bug me until I figure it out--so I promise I will keep working on it!